that can't be missed.



Straight to video


Corey's Michael Jackson impersonation is here, as it is in all of Corey's post 1990 films. After the party starts a-rockin', the middle aged DJ puts on a glorified Muzak version of Jackson's 1991 hit "Black or White". Corey comes a runnin' up to the stage and goes fucking nuts! Michael's hip thrusts, Michael's collar flip, even the tease of Michael's crotch grab!
And when it's over (and the crowd is pretending to be dazzled) Corey drives it home saying "Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building!" and uproarious laughter explodes! Corey, you are too much.

At one point Corey even slips in a plug for the King of Pop.
Psyching up his team for the big competition he shouts to them,

"Come on, let's do it! Come on, anything is possible if you want it bad enough... just look at Michael Jackson!"

Explain it to me, 'cause I don't know. I only know that it came from Corey's mouth and that's all that matters to me.


 

 

The name "Corey Feldman" no longer appears on any marquee. No one is out there pitching "Dream a Little Dream 3" with a reunion of the Corey/Corey comedy duo. And the appreciation for a heartfelt Michael Jackson impersonation is all but nonexistent in today's boy-love-phobic society.
So praise be to the video cassette where we can revisit this bled-dry rain that I like to refer to as "The Corey Manifesto". You can now experience this unique period of time in the coming of age, screwball dramedy...

MEATBALLS 4
1992
Starring: Corey Feldman,
Jack Nance (No! Eraser Head, say it isn't so!), Corey Haim.

Rating: 4 Faces of Pity
Pretentious Piece of Shit
Corey is trying to show you all how terrific he is. Everyone thinks he's funny, teens look up to him and the girls all enjoy kissing him, in make-believe land.
Washed up actor needs money
It's Corey Feldman. Can you blame him?
Broken Hollywood Thermostat Up your Butt
But you guys like Bill Murray and Steve Martin! It's the exact same thing! Only it's me, Corey Feldman dammit!

Funny... but not "Ha ha" funny
In this movie Corey Feldman fails at every joke that he tries. Every single attempt at humor is a miserable choking embarrassment. His absolute dependability at delivering the unfunny is admirable... No! Heroic! There has never before in the history of mankind been a better example of total comedic failure! And his costars have to laugh.

I know what you're asking, "What does Corey have in store for us this time Bob?".
The answer is, the same ol' Feldman ego hoggin' center stage, painting himself perfect while he exposes every insecurity... and water-skiing! Lot's and lot's of water-skiing. Gosh, I hope you like to watch water-skiing.

The madness kicks off with this filthy school bus blaring along a mountain road, swerving, speeding with horn-a-honkin'. Its cargo could be nothing less than far too much wackiness. As the opening credits end the bus screeches to a halt in front of Lakeside Summer Camp. And the first joke we're privy to an old lady bus driver sticking her head out the window, spittin' chew. You have now entered the wacky zone.

My biggest problem in writing this review is going to be that I want to explain every horrible, mundane "joke" and the world of heartache behind every punch-line. This is an incomprehensible objective. I'm going to do the best that I can.

Toppling off the bus comes all but the star of this movie (Corey's entrance will be grander than the second coming, I promise). We're given the big fat geek, tanned surfer dudes including surf boards (even though we're in the woodsy mountains) and many implanted stripper bimbos to help this pill go down.


Bimbos off the bus.
Could someone explain these swimsuits to me?

Introducing Ricky Wade

Corey plays Ricky Wade, the super cool watersports/comedic genius, camp counselor that everyone acts like they adore... and his entrance is PRICELESS!
While all of the other councilors are being briefed on their responsibilities, the sound of a plane can be heard overhead. Everyone runs to see and Whoa! Check it out! It's a plane, and out of it jumps a parachuting surfer with a boombox strapped to his chest (even though the only music playing is stock rock from a Casio keyboard). And immediately upon landing his mouth starts in with the one liners.

"Whoa , what a landing! Now that's what I call fun, huh!? Hey guys, sorry I'm late! I gotta tell you guys, those standby flights are a bitch!" Oh Corey, you did not just say that!

From here on out Corey stays true to this character in every fucking sense. It's mind-blowing.

Next, he wins over the skeptical "teens" (all who appear to be in their mid twenties) by ordering them to go out, have a lot of sex, and hit the lake! They all fake admiration and run into the water cheering. This is followed by a string of goofy watersports blunders. Get used to them.



"Hi Bill! Hi Ted! Had any excellent adventures lately? No? Good!"
Total fucking burn! You tell 'em Corey!



Corey quickly familiarizes us with his spastic hand gesturing style of acting, and staring off into the distance punch-line delivery".

OK, so the plot of this film revolves around Lakeside Summer Camp, it's owner (played by Jack Nance) and a rich millionaire zealot (that owns a nearby water sports camp) who are arch enemies. She wants to buy out Lakeside and destroy it somehow. And of course Corey will save the day for everyone. In fact, at no point in this picture has Corey permitted a moment in which his character fails. He's a ski jump expert able to complete the impossible Triple Hinge (triple flip), he's a parachuter, surfer, dancer, comedian, partier, rebel and lover that every girl wants and every guy is intimidated by. Yeah, so that's Corey.

They all love Corey regardless of his embarrassing sense of what's funny, creepy obsession with Michael Jackson (see side panel) and a cocky, self righteous attitude directed at all of the cast. It is so entirely obvious that they all hate him and are laughing at him and never with him. Corey pulls out dozens of jokes from his day to day routine. Here are some examples:

* When he messes up his first attempt at the Triple Hinge and falls head first into the water, pops up and shouts, "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

* Just before he's about to take part in a dreadful game of jet-ski chicken, Corey does the ol' "Hold on! I lost a contact!". Then a girl shouts out, "You don't wear contacts!" and Corey replies, "Oh yeah that's right, nevermind."

* During a game of charades, the guy charading starts to actually choke on some popcorn. Corey yells out "Movie? The Exorcist!"... cause the guys spitting up and choking and stuff.

* Another great moment is when Corey shows us his mercilful-to-the-weak side. The big fat nerd Victor is outside of the camp party feeling sorry for himself. Enter Ricky Wade.
"Hark! Hark! What is this my eyes see before me?! A man. A young attractive man standing by himself on a porch at night, while a party's going on! Where's the party police?! Party police!" he shouts, "There's a man standing here by himself and his name is Victor!" Corey rips off Victor's name tag and tears it up.
That's it! That's the stuff I love! Maybe it has to be seen to be appreciated, but for me this is Corey's essence.

A little bit later Corey and Victor are walking and talking.
"That's the story of my life" Victor mopes. "Getting in the way, ruining people's good times."
"Oh don't worry about it Victor." Corey pulls out a box of cigarettes offering it to Victor, "Here, have a cigarette. It'll make you feel better."
"I don't smoke." Victor says.
"Well, now's a good time to start."
So Victor reaches for the cig poking out of the box... and HE GETS AN ELECTRIC SHOCK! What the?!?! Then, completely straight faced, staring into the distance Corey delivers the final blow to this prank.
"You see, you shouldn't smoke Victor."
OH CHRIST YES! HE PULLS THIS ONE IN BARS! I KNOW HE DOES! OH GOD YES! YES!

One of the more emotional scenes is when Corey's exgirlfrind Kelly is recollecting the relationship she and Corey once had.
"The day Ricky left, he didn't say a word. We never fought, in fact things were pretty terrific. I was never happier. Then all of a sudden it was over... like it was all a dream. Who knows, maybe it was."
Yes, she's talking about Corey Feldman. Don't you see? There's a man under all of that clown make-up. Can't you people see that?!

So any way, Corey's camp wins the first contest but Jack Nance still decides to sell it to the rich lady. Then Corey saves the camp by arranging another contest with raised stakes where she has to pay off all of Lakeside's debts if she loses. She loses (again) and Corey is the hero.

If I had known about this movie before I'd constructed the Top Ten Worst list, it probably would have beat out Dream a Little Dream 2. It's a masterpiece of lameness tied by a noose around the neck of Corey Feldman who refuses to acknowledge the choking sensation.

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