can't be missed.
Straight to video
Michael Jackson impersonation is here, as it is in all of
Corey's post 1990 films. After the party starts a-rockin',
the middle aged DJ puts on a glorified Muzak version of Jackson's
1991 hit "Black or White". Corey comes a runnin'
up to the stage and goes fucking nuts! Michael's hip thrusts,
Michael's collar flip, even the tease of Michael's crotch
when it's over (and the crowd is pretending to be dazzled)
Corey drives it home saying "Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis
has left the building!" and uproarious laughter explodes!
Corey, you are too much.
one point Corey even slips in a plug for the King of Pop.
Psyching up his team for the big competition he shouts to
"Come on, let's do it! Come on, anything is possible
if you want it bad enough... just look at Michael Jackson!"
it to me, 'cause I don't know. I only know that it came
from Corey's mouth and that's all that matters to me.
name "Corey Feldman" no longer appears on
any marquee. No one is out there pitching "Dream
a Little Dream 3" with a reunion of the Corey/Corey
comedy duo. And the appreciation for a heartfelt Michael
Jackson impersonation is all but nonexistent in today's
So praise be to the video cassette where we can revisit
this bled-dry rain that I like to refer to as "The
Corey Manifesto". You can now experience this unique
period of time in the coming of age, screwball dramedy...
Starring: Corey Feldman,
(No! Eraser Head, say it isn't so!),
Haim. | Rating:
4 Faces of Pity
know what you're asking, "What does Corey have
in store for us this time Bob?".
The answer is, the same ol' Feldman ego hoggin' center
stage, painting himself perfect while he exposes every
insecurity... and water-skiing! Lot's and lot's of water-skiing.
Gosh, I hope you like to watch water-skiing.
kicks off with this filthy school bus blaring along
a mountain road, swerving, speeding with horn-a-honkin'.
Its cargo could be nothing less than far too much wackiness.
As the opening credits end the bus screeches to a halt
in front of Lakeside Summer Camp. And the first
joke we're privy to an old lady bus driver sticking
her head out the window, spittin' chew. You have now
entered the wacky zone.
biggest problem in writing this review is going
to be that I want to explain every horrible, mundane
"joke" and the world of heartache behind
every punch-line. This is an incomprehensible
objective. I'm going to do the best that I can.
off the bus comes all but the star of this movie
(Corey's entrance will be grander than the second
coming, I promise). We're given the big fat geek,
tanned surfer dudes including surf boards (even
though we're in the woodsy mountains) and many
implanted stripper bimbos to help this pill go
off the bus.
Could someone explain these swimsuits to me?
Introducing Ricky Wade
plays Ricky Wade, the super cool watersports/comedic
genius, camp counselor that everyone acts like
they adore... and his entrance is PRICELESS!
all of the other councilors are being briefed
on their responsibilities, the sound of a plane
can be heard overhead. Everyone runs to see and
Whoa! Check it out! It's a plane, and out of it
jumps a parachuting surfer with a boombox strapped
to his chest (even though the only music playing
is stock rock from a Casio keyboard). And immediately
upon landing his mouth starts in with the one
, what a landing! Now that's what I call fun,
huh!? Hey guys, sorry I'm late! I gotta tell you
guys, those standby flights are a bitch!"
Oh Corey, you did not just say
here on out Corey stays true to this character
in every fucking sense. It's mind-blowing.
he wins over the skeptical "teens" (all
who appear to be in their mid twenties) by ordering
them to go out, have a lot of sex, and hit the
lake! They all fake admiration and run into the
water cheering. This is followed by a string of
goofy watersports blunders. Get used to them.
"Hi Bill! Hi Ted! Had any excellent adventures
lately? No? Good!"
Total fucking burn!
You tell 'em Corey!
quickly familiarizes us with his spastic hand gesturing
style of acting, and staring off into the distance
so the plot of this film revolves around Lakeside
Summer Camp, it's owner (played by Jack Nance)
and a rich millionaire zealot (that owns a nearby
water sports camp) who are arch enemies. She wants
to buy out Lakeside and destroy it somehow. And
of course Corey will save the day for everyone.
In fact, at no point in this picture has Corey
permitted a moment in which his character fails.
He's a ski jump expert able to complete the impossible
Triple Hinge (triple flip), he's a parachuter,
surfer, dancer, comedian, partier, rebel and lover
that every girl wants and every guy is intimidated
by. Yeah, so that's Corey.
love Corey regardless of his embarrassing sense of what's
funny, creepy obsession with Michael Jackson (see side
panel) and a cocky, self righteous attitude directed
at all of the cast. It is so entirely obvious that they
all hate him and are laughing at him and never
with him. Corey pulls out dozens of jokes from his day
to day routine. Here are some examples:
* When he
messes up his first attempt at the Triple Hinge and
falls head first into the water, pops up and shouts,
"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"
* Just before
he's about to take part in a dreadful game of jet-ski
chicken, Corey does the ol' "Hold on! I lost a
contact!". Then a girl shouts out, "You don't
wear contacts!" and Corey replies, "Oh yeah
that's right, nevermind."
a game of charades, the guy charading starts to actually
choke on some popcorn. Corey yells out "Movie?
The Exorcist!"... cause the guys spitting up and
choking and stuff.
great moment is when Corey shows us his mercilful-to-the-weak
side. The big fat nerd Victor is outside of the camp
party feeling sorry for himself. Enter Ricky Wade.
Hark! What is this my eyes see before me?! A man. A
young attractive man standing by himself on a porch
at night, while a party's going on! Where's the party
police?! Party police!" he shouts, "There's
a man standing here by himself and his name is Victor!"
Corey rips off Victor's name tag and tears it up.
That's it! That's the stuff I love! Maybe it has to
be seen to be appreciated, but for me this is Corey's
So Victor reaches
for the cig poking out of the box... and HE GETS AN ELECTRIC
SHOCK! What the?!?! Then, completely straight faced, staring
into the distance Corey delivers the final blow to this
little bit later Corey and Victor are walking and
"That's the story of my life" Victor mopes.
"Getting in the way, ruining people's good
"Oh don't worry about it Victor." Corey
pulls out a box of cigarettes offering it to Victor,
"Here, have a cigarette. It'll make you feel
"I don't smoke." Victor says.
"Well, now's a good time to start."
"You see, you shouldn't smoke Victor."
OH CHRIST YES! HE PULLS THIS ONE IN BARS! I KNOW HE DOES!
OH GOD YES! YES!
One of the
more emotional scenes is when Corey's exgirlfrind Kelly
is recollecting the relationship she and Corey once
"The day Ricky left, he didn't say a word. We never
fought, in fact things were pretty terrific. I was never
happier. Then all of a sudden it was over... like it
was all a dream. Who knows, maybe it was."
Yes, she's talking about Corey Feldman. Don't you see?
There's a man under all of that clown make-up. Can't
you people see that?!
So any way,
Corey's camp wins the first contest but Jack Nance still
decides to sell it to the rich lady. Then Corey saves
the camp by arranging another contest with raised stakes
where she has to pay off all of Lakeside's debts if
she loses. She loses (again) and Corey is the hero.
If I had
known about this movie before I'd constructed the Top
Ten Worst list, it probably would have beat out Dream
a Little Dream 2. It's a masterpiece of lameness
tied by a noose around the neck of Corey Feldman who
refuses to acknowledge the choking sensation.
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