Swayze is "Dalton". He is known throughout the country
as the badest mutha-fuckin' bouncer that there is (yes, I
know, stay with me). $5,000 up front, $500 a night, all medical
expenses covered and he runs the show. You want him, that's
the price. Can't afford that? Then get lost. Well,
the owner of the Double Deuce is willing to pay that price
to clean up his brawl-a-night Kansas dive.
Dalton is a drifter who finds himself seeking room and board
in a hick town held captive under the thumb of a greedy, millionaire
zealot. The Double Deuce is one of the businesses being held
hostage, but Dalton has to save this bar before he can save
the town. So first things first.
(Patrick Swayze!) strolls into Double Deuce to assess the
situation. A bar brawl breaks out, during which, Dalton (Patrick
Swayze!) is leaning against a wall, untouched, shaking his
head and smiling. He has obviously seen this sort of thing
When the club closes everyone begins to clean up the bloody
mess. This is when Dalton reveals his identity to a dumbfounded
crowd... it's so exciting!
Morgan, the head bouncer states, "I heard you had balls
big enough to fit in a dump truck! But you don't look like
much to me! Ha ha ha!"
Dalton replies "Opinions vary." And walks away.
is left speechless, mouth gaping open, guffawing stopped in
it's tracks. Dalton is a man of few words. But when he chooses
to speak, each letter carries much wisdom and a mean-ass sting.
It is then that the owner of Double Deuce introduces Dalton
(Patrick Swayze!) to the staff,
"I've hired the best damn cooler (head bouncer that keeps
the other bouncers "cool") in the business (He's
talking about Patrick Swayze!). He is now in charge of all
bar business. What he says goes!"
At this, Dalton (Patrick Swayze!) flicks his cigarette away
and begins firing employees.
"Morgan, you're fired."
"What the fuck you talkin' about!?!"
Dalt: "You don't have the right temperament for
Morgan Leaping from his chair: "You asshole! What
am I supposed to do!?!"
Dalt: "There's always barber college." OUCH!
You see, Morgan has kind of a messy haircut, unlike Patrick
Swayze's blow-dried, Chipendale wannabe, with bonus Superman
the end of the night he has fired four total.
"You're a dead man!" they scream.
Later that evening when Dalton is going to his car he sees
that his antenna has been snapped off. It's clear that these
guys mean business.
(Patrick Swayze!) isn't just another pretty face super bouncer.
The old man who's giving him room and board discovers that
he is also a master at Ti-Chi. That's right! There's Patrick
Swayze doing slow motion karate moves there in his front yard.
It's the cherry on top of this overflowing Peanut Buster Parfait!
of the best lines in this movie are delivered during his visit
to the doctor's office. Patrick Swayze... ahem, I mean "Dalton"
gets a gorgeous 22 year old, super model doctor to examine
him. Tending to his wounds she begins the dialog that sold
"So, how'd this happen?"
Dalt: "Natural causes." Too goddamn cool...
Dr: "Looks like a knife wound." Wow, she's
Dalt: "That's what they said." Presenting
forth the police reports.
Dr: "So, you're a bouncer?"
Dalt: "Double Deuce."
Dr: "Nice place. They send a lot of business my
Dalt: "I'm hopin' to change that." He's
playin' the I-got-a-mission card.
Dr: "All by yourself?" She says with a flirty
smile. "Do you enjoy pain?"
Dalt: "Pain don't hurt." Fuck yeah man!
Dr: "You have a degree from NYU in philosophy.
How does a guy like you end up a bouncer?"
Dalt: "Just lucky I guess" Heh-heh, good
Dr: "Do you ever win a fight?"
Dalt: "Nobody ever wins a fight." Dalton
(Patrick Swayze!) is the wisest man I've ever known.
an hour into this movie I started to get a killer headache.
I attributed it to the countenance of Patrick Swayze's face.
My eyes started to haze over each time he appeared on screen.
There was a blurry spot where his head should have been. I
took a short break from the movie, had some soup, and when
I returned, the visions had gone away.
the Double Deuce becomes a hip, swingin' 80s night club. This
included fancy "Wave" haircuts, shoulder padded
jackets, and hats. Boy does this new crowd have eccentric
taste in hats!
Job one accomplished. Now to save the town.
all comes to a head when the millionaire (Brad Wesley) begins
blowing up the businesses of the folks who aren't paying their
dues. How this helps his cause is beyond me.
This includes blowing up the house that Dalton (Patrick Swayze!)
is residing. This leads to several, well choreographed fight
scenes. Very "West Side Story", only with rednecks.
And it peaks with Dalton's (Patrick Swayze's!)) legendary
And this movie concludes with every key towns member blowing
a hole through the millionaire with a shotgun. Then Patrick
Swayze skinny dips with the sexy doctor!
this movie ended, I took a walk outdoors. I felt as if my
aura declared that I was a man not to be fucked with. However
I was extremely self conscious of my giant Patrick Swayze
face and head. It's an odd feeling and I'm curious to know
if this movie has the same effect on any of you. Email