Only Five More Months Left!

http://normalbobsmith.com/hatemail469.html
Yes, it’s true, only 5 more months until the end, and the hate mailers aren’t gonna let me forget it! Come see how much fun I’m having with them and their apocalypse. And while you’re at it, I couldn’t resist, and I’ve strung Gary Amirault along for one more pair of emails. I’m sorry, his emails are too irresistible! I’m sure you understand.

16 thoughts on “Only Five More Months Left!

  1. Thackerie

    You guys have it all wrong. May 21, 2011, is the day of the Rapture — when all the True Christians™ float up to the clouds while we left-behind heathens snicker and laff and point at their genitals and make rude comments … until we have to run and take cover as all those incinerated christian bits fall back to Earth (like when some idiots decided to dynamite a whale carcass that had washed up on the beach). Cause, let’s face it, at escape velocity (the speed that must be attained to escape Earth’s orbit), there would be nothing left but fiery chunks of crispy christers. Thus, giving new meaning to that old saying, “God Blast You!”

    The day set for the end of the world is October 21, 2011 — plenty of time to clean up the saintly soot, party hardy, and subsequently get right with the Lord just in time on October 20th. No worries!

  2. Demonhype

    *sigh* It’s always the anticipated schadenfreude. Why is it always the people with kooky made-up unevidenced magic beliefs who fap gleefully and ghoulishly to the idea that those who do not accept such beliefs will someday pay for it in some way? Is it because there would be some kind of evidence if they were actually right, and this lack of evidence has finally broken their precious little brains? Now all they have is the mental masturbation, the fantasy of what will happen when they are proven right against all of reality?

    My mom does the same thing, smaller scale, less grisly but just as hysterically in-denial. Always with the “You don’t believe in ghosts, but wait until I die, then you’ll be sorry becuz I’m gonna HAUNT YOUR ASS!!!” Or “Wait until California falls into the ocean, THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO ADMIT EDGAR CAYCE WUZ TEH MAN AND PSYCHICS ARE THEREFORE 4 REALZ INCLUDING SYLVIA BROWNE!!!! BET THEN YOU’LL JUST DENY YOU EVER DISBELIEVED, YOU DAMN DISBELIEVER!!!!!”

    Strangely, she doesn’t even harbor the idea that I will burn in hell for disbelief or otherwise suffer any cosmic punishment, like the fundies believe in hell. At least fundies have their near-hysterical confidence that lack of faith will damn one to an eternity of torment, so one can at least have an idea of some of their motivation to make you “believe”. She doesn’t. That doesn’t stop her from blasting her sphincter right out at the idea that some people don’t share her supernatural beliefs.

    It’s like some small part of them realizes they’re wrong, so they have to try really hard to make themselves look and feel bigger than they are, in order to hide that fact from everyone (including themselves). It doesn’t matter if it’s religion or just generic woo, the fact that you don’t believe in them means that at some point you must be punished, regardless if that translates into an eternity of torture or just having them smugly rub your nose in it. Either way, it’s amazing how deeply they can integrate themselves into that fantasy of triumph.

    In the meantime, those with evidenced scientifically-supported beliefs are not looking forward to telling everyone “I TOLD U SO, BITCHES!” when we totally fuck up the planet and render it uninhabitable. They’re actually concerned with trying to save what we have and prevent such a disaster from ever occurring.

    Bob, you are amazing. I still marvel at how you do it. I don’t think I could manage filtering through so much undiluted stupid and crazy as you do regularly, let alone remain as witty and entertaining. The only thing that gets me through it is your witty and entertaining dilution!

    Have a great last five months! :)

  3. Martano666

    LOL. There is actually a website dedicated to the false ‘end of the world’ countdown. It’s called the ‘Countdown to Backpeddling’ . Wecantknow.com

    It’s a little creepy when people start saying things like “Prepare for War”. Here’s my question, if Jesus returns causes a massive war that will destroy the world, how can anyone claim that evil is the ‘absence of god’? You’d think that if Jesus actually showed up that all atheists would want to have a few words with Jesus and come to some sort of resolve rather than have a ‘war’ with god. lol. I mean, seriously,

  4. Marty Downs

    Why don’t you ever post pics of some good black vulvas? There’s quite a lack of quality pics. Maybe it’s a sign of the end times…yes…i think so…

  5. Apostate Lois

    Is that website for real?? Sometimes, I can’t tell when it’s unbelievers making a satire website just to make fun of idiotic Christians…or if it really IS idiotic Christians. I’m going to assume the latter. And when May 21 comes and goes like any other ordinary day, I am going to email them a picture of a mocking lolcat or something.

  6. Supreme Imam Hellbound Alleee

    Tsk. What delusional idiots. Everyone knows that the Last Days start exactly 6 months from today. If you don’t have your minister’s card, on July 5th, you’re all gonna have your nuts roasted by the X-ists. Just sayin’. The end of the World will ALWAYS be July 5th, for the rest of eternity. Sheesh.

  7. Walter de la Mare

    Oh crap!

    I’ve just booked my holidays. Do you think the insurance will pay out on an end of the world scenario?

    They’ll probably trot out some lame excuse about acts of god.

    Do you think Satan would honour my booking? A couple of weeks holiday from roasting eternally would be cool :-) (pun intended)

    Just thought of something, maybe I could sue heaven and its various agencies for fucking up my holiday. Anyone know how to sue heaven?

  8. Hooman Being

    Well the christers dont let cats in heaven so I will stayon eathy-poo with my clowder.
    Who in the world would want that heaven?
    Come on and get them apoca-lay-tical types outta here already!
    All that good real estate being wasted can go to good use.

  9. Apostate Lois

    “Dear Bob, GOD the FATHER did not demand the death of His Son. Jesus could have just asked His Father to forgive mankind.”

    Well, then why didn’t he? Why go thru all the trouble and barbarity of a human sacrifice? All this obsession with blood, the shedding of blood, the eating of the flesh and blood of a dead god, is really disgusting. Your god is a barbarian of the worst kind, Richard. I do not see any difference between him and the Satan character that you claim is so cruel.

    Oh, by the way, isn’t Jesus supposed to BE God? How then could he ask God to do anything? Wouldn’t he be talking to himself? See, I know that God sits on a big ol’ shiny white throne in the sky, because it says so in Revelation somewhere, but then does Jesus have his own, separate throne? Are there TWO thrones in heaven, or just the one, because Jesus and God are the same being? This is really confusing, Richard!

  10. Aaron

    May 21st isn’t as precise as I would like, I mean I live in NZ, it will be May 22nd here whilst people in Hawaii are still waking up to May 21st! So which time zone is the apocalypse due to occur?
    Either way come May 23rd the whole (intelligent) world will be having quite a giggle at the expense of the believers, I for one can’t wait!
    Has anyone ever heard of the Great dissapointment?
    History it seems is about to repeat itself!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment

  11. Aaron

    @ Walter De La Mare:

    “A couple of weeks holiday from roasting eternally would be cool :-) (pun intended)”

    Haha Nice!

    As for wanting to know how to sue heaven I suggest you watch “The Man who sued God”, its an Australian movie staring funny Scottish comedian Billy Connolly!

  12. Steven Bently

    Predicted event of May 21 – 23, 2011

    Lo and behold!!!

    There will be seven candle sticks, beasts with six wings and 1000 eyes, scorpions with the hair of women and teeth like lions and four winged horsemen, hell we’ve got Apache helicopters, SAR missles, tanks with flamethrowers that will take all those ass-holes out in just a couple of shots, then it’s….game over!

    US military = Victory

    Gods ignorant pestilence plan destroyed! – Zilch!

    The flames and smoke from the pile of Bibles being burnt by Christians will be visible from the International Space Station.

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