"I'll do it later"
Another comic brought to you by the Fellowship Tract League of Lebanon, OH

A Loophole is Discovered and the Christians are Scrambling to Discount It!

Terrence Bailey grasps at straws to find a flaw in Normal Bob Smith's trademarked loophole... and there is clearly not one to be found.

As usual all of the Christian emails will be in blue and my replies will be in black and white . Enjoy!

"...and you will have a new, meaningful life, with Christ in the mist of it."

Why are you mocking the only Son of God? Believe me when I say that Jesus loves you, and the illustration you made of Him on the cross is the price he paid for this foolisness you're doing now.

What do you think is going to happen to you once you die in your foolish ways? Hell exists, and it's reserved for people such as yourself.

But, you don't have to follow the crowd by living a futile lifestyle. This same Jesus you mock is the same One who wants to have a relationship with you. Confess you sins to Jesus Christ sincerely, and turn from your wicked ways (erase this blasphemous website), and you will have a new, meaningful life, with Christ in the mist of it. And you will not see the flames of hell, but experience peace and paradise in heaven forever. God bless you. -

Terrence Bailey
mrtjbailey@yahoo.com

 

Trust me Terrence, I'm as scared of this Hell place as you are (God's really got us pinned with this one, huh?) But don't worry, I'm going to confess my sins and all that.

I've been keeping a written log of my sins. Here's a sampling:
#17. Drew picture of dead Jesus and posted on Internet for laughs.
#82. Ate pork on Sunday (Not sure if this is "sin" but just in case).
#133. Played Parker Brother's version of the Ouija board and spoke to devil (I think).

Anyway, I'm pretty good about keeping it up to date and I've got it addressed to my high school youth pastor. In my Will I've got it stated to mail that letter, and then he'll pass it onto God, or whatever. I'm thinkin' "how bad could a few days in hell be?". Then when God gets the confession "POOF!" I'm in heaven!

By the way, I've trademarked this method of getting into heaven so you're just gonna have to do it the hard way.

Bob
Post Death Repentance/Confession Letter to God™ 2000 Normal Bob Smith

 

" You can't go around making up your own methods to get to heaven"

Bob, corrupt people in our society are always finding ways to "beat the system" by looking for loopholes. How can you possibly think you can do the same thing with God? You can't go around making up your own methods to get to heaven (John 10:1), especially since it has been spoken and written how to do it 2000 years ago.

But I see where you're coming from. You feel man should do whatever his heart desires, die, and go to hell for a little while until God gets faxed some paper saying that his sins are forgiven, or get someone(i.e. a pastor), to pray to God to get him out of hell.
Don't you think that's a little too easy?

I don't mind bursting the bubble of your thoughts on how to get to heaven because it's for your own good. Hell is not some sort of reception area where people stand around looking at their watches, waiting for God to call them (God is calling people on earth and He's calling you). Once a person is in Hell, he's there forever. Hell is a place of flames and great physical and emotional pain (Luke 16:19-26).

All of the sins that you wrote in your journal can be forgiven while you are here on earth. All you have to do is have a change of heart about how you live your life. Decide to do right. Then, sincerely pray to the Lord Jesus Christ, asking Him to forgive you of your sins, and believe that he will do it. Then live for Him. Is that so hard?

I promise you, if you do these things, and believe in the One that died for you, you will be saved, never to see hell's flames, and to see the glory of God in heaven. Don't delay. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

I suggest to pick up the Bible and read the book of John, located after the book of Luke. Here are some Bible verses to help you out: Matthew 7:24-27 (chapter 7 verses 24 through 27) 28:18 Luke 23:46 John 3:16-18 5:39-40 8:12, 31-32 10:1, 9 12:48 14:6

Revelation 20:15 Where are you going to spend eternity?

Terrence Bailey
mrtjbailey@yahoo.com

 

Terrence

After reading your second letter I took some time to rethink my "search for loopholes" plan. Honestly, I do not have a copy of the Bible here in front of me. However, in John 10:1 "Don't go around making up methods of getting into heaven" I sincerely don't think that it was referring to my Post Death Repentance/Confession Letter to God™ 2000 Normal Bob Smith.

2000 years ago they didn't even have the technology of fax machines and postal services. I really think that my trademark wasn't $300 wasted.

The Bible says "Have all of your sins forgiven if you want to go to heaven" John 10:2 and that's what my Trademark does! Don't you see?!

But I understand where your frustration is coming from. I've got the one loophole trademarked and you and everyone else have to do it the hard way. And don't even think of using my trademarked idea or you'll definitely be hearing from me!

I skimmed through those scriptures you listed in my Bible Cliff Notes and I definitely didn't see anything referring to my loophole... specifically.

So in answer to your final question Revelation 20:15 "Where are you going to spend eternity?"

Answer: Heaven, forever.

 

"I didn't present those Bible verses to you so that you could skim through them to find validity in your plan of salvation."

Hi, Bob. I didn't present those Bible verses to you so that you could skim through them to find validity in your plan of salvation. I did it so that you could see that there's already a plan of salvation for everyone--through Jesus Christ.

I would like you to read those passages of scripture, and not skim through them, so that you could understand the Way. You should also carefully read my previous email to you.

Do you believe Jesus Christ as the only way of salvation? If so, you would not be doing what you're doing to get to heaven. And I doubt others would use your trademark method to get to heaven, especially since it means that they would have to spend some time in hell. But, they are not using it because they've seen a great Light who presented them with a far better way of salvation. Would you consider it?

Bob, I type these things so you could see a better Way of doing things. Like I typed in my earlier email, tomorrow is promised to no one. I don't want you to die not receiving Jesus Christ into your life. You would spend eternity in hell, and while you experience the torments I told you about in my earlier email, you would also see my email messages going through your mind, with eternal regret in your heart. Carefully consider these things.

Terrence Bailey
mrtjbailey@yahoo.com

 

Obviously I believe that Jesus is the only way to salvation. That's what my whole trademark is counting on!

Out of all the loopholes that I've discovered, it's my Post Death Repentance/Confession Letter to God™ 2000 Normal Bob Smith that I have the most confidence in. That's why I got the trademark in the first place! And nobody BETTER use my method without my written consent and a small commission fee.

I also believe that a lot of people wouldn't fear that short visit in hell. I mean, look at how popular all of those extreme sports are lately. However I have updated my trademark to include FedEx and UPS as well.

I promise that I'll look over those scriptures that you had mentioned. I'm going to try and get to it tomorrow.


Jonny should have used Normal Bob Smith's trademarked
Post Death Repentance/Confession Letter to God™!

It may be to late for him but you still have a chance! There's no "Saying you're sorry" and it's only $99.95!
If you would like to know more about this guaranteed method of salvation without all of the "Christianity" email me today.
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Invest in your eternal future, it's the only one you'll get.
Post Death Repentance/Confession Letter to God™ 2000 Normal Bob Smith

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