Why is so many Christians Very Unsmart?

Should the fact that Christianity attracts so many idiots be a red flag?

All of the Christian emails will be in blue and my replies will be in black and white . Enjoy!

Who you are

Finally you're sending me pictures of yourselves.
It's a thrill to see the faces of people that I bring so much happiness to. As you'll see, the readers of NormalBobSmith.com are an upstanding, cross section of society that could be the neighbor next door in any-town USA.

The following letters all came with the attached pictures...

Dear Bob- It is rare that I find myself with reason to write to anonymous people on the internet, however, I wanted to thank you for making your Dress-up Jesus page. It brings me great joy.
BTW, like you, I, too, am a special person. :)
check out my website to find it out!

Elbert Lunn
lunne@aib.edu

 

Just wanted to say I really enjoyed your site. I found the Jesus hatemail to be very entertaining to read. I feel sorry for all those people that believe in something as silly as Jesus. Keep up the good work. Attached is a picture and an animation that is sort of relevant. Later,

Nick Nespeca
n.nespeca@mail.utexas.edu

 

This is the only virtual photo available of me at present but it PROVES that I am a super chick from outer space.

I love you Bob.

Ruiha Webster
ruwebste@lehman.com

 

Nice site, i couldn't stop laughing at the hatemail section. All of your rants are just too funny. I've spent like 30 minutes reading your site, I've sent it to friends. They all love it.

Attached i have enclosed my picture. Feel free to put the picture on your site with "Shleepy The Internet Porn Gigalo Approves!" next to it!

Shleepy The Internet Porn Gigalo
shleepy@compiled.org

If you would like to contact Shleepy the Internet Ninja Gigalo™ simply click the address above. And, yes, he has trademarked "Shleepy The Internet Porn Ninja Gigalo™".

 

Dear bob, you make me so hot! That is why ive came to your website EVERYDAY! Plus the fact that im the most lucious superchic there is. My abillity to mesmarize every male on this planet with sheer magnetic power makes me the hottest! I mean just look at me mmmmmmmm!

I also have power! That of the sensual kind!(i know you want it!) tracktor beams, silocone missiles, 9" pumps, and stuff like that! they don't call me "Debbie the Delishious" for nothing! if your interested in some fun bob? just say the words-
sssssss
ooooooooooo
wwwwwwww
eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

and i'll come a runnin! Forever yernin for your sausage!

Debbie!
coffee_squirrel@hotmail.com

 

Hey Bob,
It may seem like this has nothing to do with anything but hear me out. I was at work yesterday at the service station/tire place and business was slow. I was reading American Gothic Tales because let's face it the only mags they had in the basket were the few Guns & Ammo mags that I'd already read over a hundred times. This chick asked me what church I went to. Now understand I'm Wiccan and I have been for some time now but my family doesn't know it and here in the bible belt it's better that way. I told her I attended one of the local Baptist Churches ( havent' for over two years but *shrugs*) and she said "Oh good because there's this group of goths out in east Texas and they're a cult of some kind. Don't let that book confuse you Jesus Christ is still Jesus Christ" and then paid for her oil change and left....leaving me pissed off. I'd been looking for a release when my sister showed me the Jesus Dress Up I sent it to the Marilyn Manson fan elist I'm on and I'm waiting on a response. I checked out the rest of your site and laughed so hard my wife had to calm me down so I could breathe again. Thanks for letting me have a place to vent about them. You rock and I'll count you among my list to be blessed with the ability to rock eternally....keep rawkin!

Damien Valerian Cross
Southwest Louisiana

Brightest Blessings, Damien Valerian Cross Elder of the House Of Midnight's Shadow

"Pain is my way of self-expression" "I know I'll never see myself dying from this immortality"
Anthrax - This Is Not An Exit

Travis Mcmillan
damienvcross@
pathwaytodarkness.com
"The Christian community still loves you Robert with open arms and smiles..."

Dear Robert, The Lord Jesus died for our sins and suffered inhumane punishment to save our souls and this is the thanks you can give him? You are an okay artist but i think your tailent could be better applyed to doing the work of Jesus Christ!

I think Jesus has a sense of humore so the dress up Jesus idea is ok, but you are blasfemous in your talk and your words. Use your words for good, not evil. If you need some counseling, you can e-mail me back and we could have a few sessions together to clear your head or I could come visit and show you what faith i have and possibly show you the way of Jesus Christ but that is up to you to decide. Please take heart that if you do not retrak your words against Jesus,you will suffer eternal damnation and hellfire and the Lord will not be able to help your tormented soul. The Christian community still loves you Robert with open arms and smiles and is always ready to accept you as one of our own. You have to make that decision. Jesus does not want to see you tortured by the Satan angel, instead he wants to embrace you with open arms into his busom and show you the wonders of the kingdom of heaven. From heaven you can watch all the paganite non-beleivers burning in hell for not accepting Christ. Not as entertainment but as a reminder of what they are missing out on. I am reminded of scripture in these words: Book of Revelation Ch 3, v8-21: 'Ye who shall not accept the chosen one as his saviour will suffer eternally for the blindess they so have incurred, not by which it was first inflicted, but by permitting it to fester, like an open wound for The Dark One to lick and infect'

God Bless you Robert, The Christian Community loves you,
James Moynihan
romeosnothome@netscape.net


JAMES, DO NOT COME VISIT ME. I DO NOT KNOW YOU AND I WILL DEFEND MY HOME AND LOVED ONES BY WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY.

To tell you the truth, I've read your letter several times and I am suspicious of it's integrity. You are just too Christian to be for real.
"Open arms and smiles", "watching the nonbelievers burn in hell from heaven", calling my artistic talent "okay"? Who could take you seriously? Combine that with the sexual undertone in your words "The Dark One licks", "Jesus embracing me into his bosom"? I am betting that you're just some dork trying to get his letter posted. However if you are for real, you've got issues that run much deeper than I care to fathom.
Either way, I appreciate the effort and desire to see your letter on my site. So I am granting you your wish.

All of that aside, yes, I know that Jesus, God, the Christian community and you love me. But I have to ask myself, is this reason enough to live a lie and pretend to believe something that I cannot? Then to limit my artistic abilities to the works of Jesus. That would shatter my life! Although, according to you, the Lord approves of my Jesus Dress Up page, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Can I make a decent living illustrating Christian propaganda?

It's quite a decision you're asking me to make. And it's a decision that I've really been on the fence about (as you could obviously tell from my website).

So James Moynihan, whether you are a Christian or a jokester, real or fake, social misfit or social misfit, this email has tattooed a picture of you with "open arms and smiles" onto my brain. For that I must pass on your offer to counsel me as well as the membership into your community that has it's faces buried in Jesus' bosom.

"...you are too proud to ask for guidance."

 

Dear Robert, please dont be mad at me. I want to be your friend. I may have come on too strong in my previous letter..sorry! I just thought you may need a friend with all those crazy thoughts in your head. You are on an unmarked road and you are too proud to ask for guidance. But Jesus was not too proud to die for our sins.

Well, i will not bother you anymore. i just wanted to apologize and try to make things right. I'll be here if you want to talk. Good luck with your search for the truth...

Godbless
James Moynihan
romeosnothome@netscape.net

Unmarked road!?
The road I am on is so clearly marked there's hardly enough room for me and masses of other people who are traveling it.
You seem to have forgotten that it is your road that is completely unmarked. Yours is entirely based on faith. No road signs, no evidence, no logic. The gods are invisible and silent and everyone on this path is praying that it leads to "Super, Fun, Happy Land". Tell me James, how does it get any more blind than that?

I am not mad at you. I just think that you're another blindfolded pawn with your hands reaching forward hoping to somehow find heaven. And I believe that talking with you about truth would be the equivalent to an in-depth conversation with a "See-n-Say".
"God will just tell you- fuck that"

Bob,

I just wanted to comment briefly on the sidebar of your hatemail page, where you list some famous folks who went to hell. You mention at the end there that if you've got brains you'll accept Jesus into your heart at the last second. I believe there is a small flaw in that plan.

Basically, it goes like this. Accepting Jesus isn't as simple as saying "Ok, well I'm dying now so I accept Jesus as my one true Lord and Savior. Open the bloody gate please." It's significantly more difficult than that, because who gets to judge whether you have successfully accepted Jesus or not?

Obviously I don't know the answer for sure, but it just seems unlikely to me that one second you're a badass athiest and the next second you're a God fearing born-again Christian. The danger is that you would die not really believing that you had accepted Jesus and go to Hell anyway. Oops.

On the other hand, maybe God is the one that decides who was sincere about accepting Jesus and who was faking it. In that case, you're screwed anyway because God will just tell you "fuck that," and throw your ass in Hell. Oops again.

The trick then, is to really convince yourself that Jesus will save your soul. In my case and your case, that could turn out to be a rather difficult task, I imagine. Nobody ever said it was fair.

Cheers,
Pete
keeler@teleport.com

"Hell.. I can probably do it without having to lie at all." -- Anonymous

 

Hey Pete,

Yeah, I know what you're sayin'. It does seem unfair that one minute you can be a bad ass atheist and then the next second be a born again Christian, but people do it all the time. It really isn't as difficult as you say. The only trick is to "believe".

I found that if I say something over and over again, pretty soon I start to believe it. It's kinda like that "say-MOST-ten-times-real-fast / what-do-you-put-in-a-toaster" gag. And if that doesn't work you can hire a hypnotist to make you believe ANYTHING! I've seen a guy get hypnotized to fall in love with a BROOM! It was on TV! He danced with it, made out with it and he even proposed to it!

I'm sure that it seems totally unfair to folks who've spent their whole lives being Christians.

Just to be safe, I've already had a hypnotist program me so that when my body starts to die, my brain will believe in the bible, God, Jesus and all that shit. It's a precaution I've taken just in case I die in my sleep.

So don't worry about me Pete. I've covered all my bases. And don't even get me started on the precautions I've taken just in case the Hindus' are right.
"...I can't put into work how ofensive your site was."

hello Bob Smith
Can honestly say I can't put into work how ofensive your site was.

Heath Wright
wutheringheight0@hotmail.com

 

Wow Heath. You couldn't even put that sentence into words.
"Probably, it doesn't matter to you wetter I respect you or not..."

Questions: how can I NOT have a problem with you? Respect you if you don't respect my believes, making that 'game' dressing Jesus...?
Probably, it doesn't matter to you wetter I respect you or not... ok.
And you don't care about my oppinion... doesn't matter, I'll tell you anyway: I think it's ridiculous what you did to MY best friend: Jesus. No fun at all. You can't make it fun cos His dying wasn't funny, it was very serious... He died for you and that was the best thing ever happend to you, someday, maybe, you will know... meanwhile you can joke with it, actually it doesn't make a diference to Him, He doesn't joke with you and THAT is what really matters. But it hurted me, cos you joked with the most important person in my life. Wouldn't you defend your best friend? But you are right about many things: to have Jesus you don't need any software and it's for free; He made a good impression to the world and had the best attitude at His cricifixion, with or without clothes; and He is also the envy of everything, just the way He was, is and will be! Just wanted you to know.

Marinah.
feijt700@zwo.nhl.nl

 

Marinah,

I tell you, wetter or not you respect my believes and oppinions doesn't make a diference, cos with a best friend like you defending his cricifixion he's got all the backup he'll ever need to keep from getting hurted.

I got all of your grammar errors collected there in one sentence!
Just wanted you to know.

Bob
"...crucifixion was one of the Roman's worst death penalties."

Hmm, what can I say. You've made me think all deeply and I hate doing that cuz I always get lost. I thought dress up Jesus was really funny, and then as I was playing it I suddenly felt guilty. And then I thought why the hell should I feel guilty, and then I thought why the hell shouldn't I...and it went on like this.

The conclusion I reached was this: Whether or not you believe Jesus was the messiah or not is irellevant, as the fact is that a real person, named Jesus, really did die a horrible and painful death, crucifixion was one of the Roman's worst death penalties. Therefore should we really be taking the piss out of him like that? The answer is, I dunno, but I don't think we should. Whether or not you have religious beliefs is beside the point here, - I'm not religious. You wouldn't take the piss out of someone dead if you'd known them, would you? Well, anyway, that's what I think, - having said that it's a free world and people do some wierd things in their quest for enjoyment... I'd rather dress up Jesus if he wasn't actually on the cross at the time! Apart from that, you have a truly funky site! regards,

Christabel Ruth Ashby
Keble College, University of Oxford
christ@bel-ruth.co.uk
http://www.bel-ruth.co.uk

Let me guess, this is your first year at the University of Oxford.

Your thought process is dizzying. Thank you for confirming my fears of this nation's educational system.

However Christabel Ruth Ashby, you sound as if you have a fantastic set of hooters and I'd love to sponsor you along your road to becoming a professional table dancer. Pictures of yourself in a series of provocative outfits would be greatly appreciated.
Send your Jpegs to Sponcership@NormalBobSmith.com

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