Threats, Pity & Reason

Their emails are in blue & mine are in black and white.

Just before I moved here to New York I made friends with a girl in my neighborhood who coincidentally lived in my building.

Then I moved. As all of my belongings were being loaded up into the truck I gave her my web address (along with other contact information).

Hi Bob. I was looking at your web site and I think that I have an interesting perspective on it because I can identify with the person before, I can identify with the topic involved. If you're confused by what I mean, let me explain. I am not/was not looking for information on atheism, or humor relating to it. I've talked to you briefly at the coffee shop... and you told me and my friend your web site address, and I checked it out, mostly out of boredom today.

A little background... I spend a lot of time on the Internet and I can honestly say I've never looked for information regarding atheism or religion in general, but I was raised Catholic and actually went to Catholic school for 8 years of my life. I am naturally the type of person to question everything ... so there were times in my life that I told my parents, through casual conversation mostly, that I didn't really believe. It wasn't even something I thought about much, it just didn't seem to make sense to me. Mostly I didn't think about it after I graduated from Catholic grade school, and my family was never very religious, but obviously they do believe...

It's actually weird because you can learn a lot about someone you don't actually talk to from their website. It's just this time, you happen to live in my building!! It's a bit different from learning about someone who, say, lives across the country whom you never seen or will see...

Except now you -or more appropriately your site has begun a thought in my head that won't go away any time soon. No doubt I'll begin to think about my beliefs again... at least for a little while. I guess this is a more personal email than a "fan mail" email but I just thought I'd write you and let you know how interesting/weird it is to see someone on the outside (you're not easily passed over with the hair you were sporting for a while), not really know anything about them, move into the same building by coincidence, have two minor short conversations with them, learn they are leaving the city... and then learn much more by looking at their site.

And because I am a bit of an Internet junkie, I just HAD to email you... I'm not sure if I'll see you before you move (although you do just live a couple windows down from me...), but I can relate to something (not sure what) that is revealed in your web site. Good luck in New York and I hope you are happy there.

“I would love to snap your neck.”

I would love to snap your neck.

J. Varallo
bricks01@comcast.net


“I PRAY I RUN INTO YOU ONE DAY...”

I PRAY I RUN INTO YOU ONE DAY SO I CAN SNAP YOUR PENCIL NECK. YOU FAGGOT.

J. Varallo
bricks01@comcast.net


You want to know what? I would so totally have you arrested if you did that. Then, instead of prison time, I'd request to the judge an alternate sentence of having to be my dog on a leash. You'd have to eat your food out of a bowl, fetch my slippers and bark on command. And you'd have to promise to the judge, the entire court room (including me) that you wouldn't break my neck again while you were serving out your whole "Bob's dog" sentence.

Then as an additional punishment you'd be forced to go to obedience school. One of the things you'd have to learn at that school would be how to fix broken necks. You'd have to go through the 10 years of neck surgeon school so that you could see how complicated the human neck is and how difficult it would be to repair it. And finally when you graduated you'd have to fix my neck until it was absolutely perfect and if it wasn't fixed perfectly you'd have to be my dog on a leash for another 10 years.

This is what would happen to you Mr. Varallo. That is if I survived the whole initial neck breaking incident to begin with.

“I think this is all an act on your part.”

Wow.I don't really know what to say. Because regardless of what I say you are going to slam it.

My first and foremost thougt is that you crave attention and this is your way of getting it. I honestly do not believe you feel the way you say you do. I think this is all an act on your part. Let me ask you a question-do you believe any of the bible is real?

Do you believe the verse that says "every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is Lord?"

I know..I know...go ahead and slam.

Faith Smith
Smithfaith30@aol.com


Faith,

I only slam people who go off half cocked, make no sense or are completely unreasonable.

Yes I do like attention. I talk a lot about that on my site. I want everyone to pay attention to what I've got to say, I want tons of attention from girls and the attention from people who disagree with me is a wonderful platform to retort and express myself even further. I love attention and I do not like to be ignored.

No I do not believe that the stories in the Bible are based on facts. The verse: "every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is Lord" I believe to be no different that the boogie man stories told to children who don't behave.

No slam. This is what I believe. Do you think that I'm living a lie or am I simply making a joke that my friends, family and fans are in on? What is it you think that I really believe? I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this.

Bob


“ I said something to the effect that God would not want to have anything to do with me, I had screwed up way too many times....She said (ever so softly) ' why don't you just talk to Him?”

Bob,
Ok, I was impressed? Thankful? relieved? that you replied different than what I "assumed" you would...and we know what happens when you assume.

I've been sitting on this email a few days because I really wasn't sure what to say. Should I reply? Should I just forget about you and your site and go my way...Well, I woke up early this morning and I just felt led to email you back...Bob, I don't know what you believe.... I'm analyzing here, but I do think you are searching....I think you think you believe what you say, but I think deep down you do not have peace about everything. Ok, no harm meant in me saying that....that is just my reply to you asking me "what do you think I believe"

I'll try and give you the quick version of my spiritual journey. My father was a minister-wacko!!!! Super strict, violent temper, would beat the crap out of my brother, hitting the tv-because it was of the devil (you get the picture, right?) We were in church every time the door opened...he was having an affair with a lady in the church-my mothers best friend... Pretty healthy childhood, huh?? Anyways, my parents divorced when I was 16...my life went into chaos then....drinking, drugs-anything and everything I could get my hands on... major pain over my father because he had neglected me for his new life.. I never got over the pain of my father. That was an issue that kept resurfacing no matter what I did in life. I had cleaned up my act, went to college, had a good job, etc......

3 years ago I was hanging out with a friend and some casual conversation was mentioned about God. I said something to the effect that God would not want to have anything to do with me, I had screwed up way too many times....She said (ever so softly) "why don't you just talk to Him?" For a split second I felt this hope, peace feeling....and I did...I said a little "God, are you there?" kind of thing...and that instance. I felt this change come over inside of me.....this awesome, beautiful, peace, life has meaning groovy feeling....

So, I started praying...and that is where it all began......One of the first thing I was praying about was my dad......I still had so much pain and issues over him.....it took awhile-maybe a month...but God completely removed all pain from me where my dad is concerned....i feel a numb peaceful feeling about dad..I just really feel sorry for him...anyways, there are alot of cool stories that come after that...but, that is how it really began for me...and I screw up along the way....I am always doing something stupid...and the stupid temptations out there....but, my conscience let's me know when I am doing the wrong thing (sometimes, I still do the wrong thing) but, I know I am forgiven..I know where I am going when this life is over...I know because I have Faith......Yeah, the bible could just be a fairy tale...but, it's a fairy tale I believe in with all my heart....nothing else was ever right in my life until God....So, I guess the only thing I say to you is.....Do you feel what is going on with you and what you believe is right-I mean really right down to your soul? (Oh, I am assuming you believe you have a soul) :)

I really do not mean to offend you in anything I say. But, God loves you, Bob and He made you and that is my belief. We all have the right to our opinion-I know that...And we must all respect that opinion regardless....(or that makes for a happy world)

Ok, this is just food for thought. Feel free to throw it down the garbage disposal if you want. Just think about what I said. I thought about what you said.

Faith Smith
Smithfaith30@aol.com


Faith,
It's difficult to converse with someone who says that I am not speaking what I truly believe or that I'm hiding how I really feel. With that said I must tell you that I do not believe God exists, His Son was Jesus Christ or that an afterlife awaits us. This is what I feel as far down into my gut as I can go. I've gone deeper than most. Any thought of Heaven, a god of love or a final fair judgment for everyone only exists in fantasy. I know that it is only fantasy because it sounds like fantasy, looks like fantasy and feels like fantasy. There is a distinct separation between it and what I know in my heart of hearts.

I believe that when anyone is upset, abusing their body, feeling hatred for others or breaking the law and a change of heart occurs, feelings of peace and hope follow soon after. No God, just human nature. I think that this can be attributed to why so many people repent after being involved with crime, drugs and other hopeless acts of desperation.

I personally think that your initial repentance was a very naive one.
You didn't think God would have anything to do with you because of how screwed up you were?

First of all this says to me that you thought there was a God. I do not. If I thought that there was a God I would worship Him. I'd be foolish not to.

Second, it is naive to think that a supreme master of the universe, an all encompassing entity of infinity who IS love would not except you. It's clear that you needed something, you wanted relief from your pain and this idea seemed to you like a viable option.

A feeling came over you that you attributed to God and since then you've attributed coincidences and good feelings to God and made up excuses for the evidence that disproves Him. I'm not trying to talk you out of what you believe, I'm explaining what I see and what it looks like from my side of the fence.

If I could make myself actually believe it all (the resurrections, Adam & Eve instead of the dinosaurs, Prince of Darkness, Heaven, etc..) I would do it. My life would be happy all the time without worry. I could go about my day in peace knowing that paradise awaited me. But I cannot make myself believe. Belief doesn't work like that. If it did than I could make myself believe that I had super good looks, limitless talents, unshakable confidence and the lust of every girl in New York.

Back when I was making myself believe I didn't realize that I was doing a very unhealthy thing. The more that I ignored and/or made up excuses for the evidence that stared me in the face the more I started to lose my mind.

You don't have to respect every idea Faith. That's where you fell off course. It's OK to doubt, disprove and reject ideas. It's OK to expose, discourage and joke about bad ideas. I haven't been offended in the least by anything you've written me. It's a bit annoying to have somebody tell you what you believe, especially when it's not only inaccurate but also foolish.

I'm hoping that I've at least convinced you that I believe what I do and that I'm being honest with myself. That's what's most important to me.

Bob

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