Coffee Time with Bob

Their emails are in blue, mine are in black and white. Enjoy!

I have received a fair amount of complaints from fans (I suppose) who think I'm devoting way too much attention to one particular weakness of mine. I understand that this subject is more than likely going to be the next big issue on my plate. I can also assure you that it isn't ever going away.

You'd think that after defeating God (with Jesus Dress, solving the mystery of the "afterlife", finding the ideal medium to express myself, and being gifted with a larger than average penis I'd be free of anymore issues.

Sure, sitting here answering angry email while I watch that loudmouthed "John" proudly strut about with a transsexual at the end of each arm fills my heart with a certain amount of substance, but it's hardly enough to satisfy it.

Attention from afar, filtered through an electronic box does not suffice. I never expected it to, it certainly does not and I can't be made to think it will. The warmth only lasts as long as it takes to be read, and that skinhead holding hands with a punk-rock girl seems to be happy.

I am privy to so many "first meetings" between strangers who choose the Personals to find love and the chairs around me to sit. This afternoon it's Carol and What's-his-name.

"Hey, are you Carol?!" far too over excited, and completely unaware that he has already been rejected.

"Hi... there." His name has been forgotten.

A one-sided conversation at her goes nowhere. Twenty minutes later she finally dreams up a believable excuse. They say their "good-byes". He thinks of their future while she writes out a fake number. Poor sap, smiling on the corner. Step in front of that bus, you won't regret it.
She is on her cell phone giving him credit for being nice... and that's it.

I suppose that I spare myself those unforgiving moments always waiting for it to come to me. Christ, any skills I've got can give thanks to that theory.

Behind me there's a whole different connection being lost. The staff is throwing out a man who's been rubbing up against a female patron's backside. After being physically forced from the premises, it doesn't take him long to spot another pair of tight pants... and he dodges through the crowd hoping for another chance at love.

Being single is much more difficult for some, but really, who're you gonna attract subscribing to the fashion tastes of the Uni-bomber?

Why does this girl next to me use the word "rocking" like such an amateur?
"...and the first two months of our relationship were totally rocking..."

"... and a band called Staind, they're totally rocking!"
It's a huge distraction.

I seem to have lost my train of thought.

...big sissy little girly-man...”

I just wanted to let you know that you're a fag hole who is a big sissy little girly-man with a stupid web site but you probably already knew that you monkey spank!

Erlinda Garcia

You didn't include big nosed, shifty eyed and anything pertaining to my soul's eternity in Hell?

Come to think of it, you also left out fashionable, hung and coyishly understated? Wait a minute! Do I even know you?

“I do not wish to become fodder on your Web Site.”


I surfed on to your site today. Your pencil and ink drawings were vivid. You see the world in ways that I do not. I enjoyed borrowing your perspective for a moment.

I was also intrigued by your journey from a said faith in the Christian God to atheism. I have made a similar journey, but from atheism to Christianity, that was based on logic, fact and scientific investigation.

I was wondering if you would like to exchange ideas on this topic?

For example, while the text of your page was entertaining and made several comments about Christianity, I was not sure about your position regarding Christians like me. What assumptions would you make about a person that worships Christ as God? Why? And what specifically is it that you don't find illogical Christian thinking? What is it about Noah's Ark and Methuselah that you find illogical? Is it simply that you have never experienced similar events?

Thanks for your time and trouble,

PS: I do not wish to become fodder on your Web Site. I did not intend this to be "Hate Mail" or for that matter "Fan Mail," but rather an expression of interest. And I respectfully ask that you would not post this message.

Are you a fake? You sound completely fake. Your email, your "fishing for the obvious" questions, and really, you'd have to be a moron to think I'm up for an email debate with some faceless guy who won't let me post anything.

You want to waste my time and if this is the kind of Christian you are then my position on you would be standing on your neck.


“I assumed that anyone with your strong beliefs would be willing to support those beliefs with reason--even to a stranger. I am sorry that I miss judged you.”


Sorry to have offended you. I am not a fake. I was just hoping for a bit of serious conversation. So I am not a fake, just a "moron." I assumed that anyone with your strong beliefs would be willing to support those beliefs with reason--even to a stranger. I am sorry that I miss judged you.

I am not so faceless. A lot of people would recognize my email address and name. I sell for advertising space for a living and often sell to people with whom I do not share my personal convictions. In order for our exchange to have been meaningful I felt like, I needed a safe environment. I did not realize this would be a problem.

I also had no intention to waste your time for two reasons. First, I thought it was an important topic. That was my mistake, what is important for me, I guess is not for you. Second, wasting your time, would also mean wasting my time. I would not do that. You see, I am married. I have six children, I travel better than 50-percent of my time for work. I am training to run the Park City Marathon ( on June 8. And I read one or more nonfiction books per week. So again I had no intention of wasting time.

Bob, I do want to thank you for replying to my first email.


Armando, you have to take a moment and see this from my end. I am in charge of a very popular, informative, heroic web site where the main objective is to support my beliefs. What you're asking me to do is privately explain myself to everyone who thinks they've got an angle I haven't considered yet and answer the same questions again and again that I've addressed a hundred times prior. Sure I've made some exceptions for a few religious hotties, but there was also a chance I'd be getting laid by them.

Quite frankly it looks as if my convictions are stronger than yours, for you see I am willing to post my thoughts for the world to see while you're looking to keep yours hush hush. Debating with someone who's ashamed of his convictions is a total waste of time.

Read through my site and see why I have neither the time or interest in having a "meaningful" email debate in private with every salesman that believes in Noah.

If you tell me that I can post our emails (I'll even let you be anonymous if you're scared) and I'll answer any questions you might have no matter how moronic they might be.


If the "main objective" of your "heroic web site" is to support your beliefs, then you must be willing to constantly defend those beliefs, privately or publicly.”


I took a moment to look at this from your side. I can understand that you would get a lot of email from a lot of people who, as you put it, think they have an angle. Yet is that not what you should expect?

If the "main objective" of your "heroic web site" is to support your beliefs, then you must be willing to constantly defend those beliefs, privately or publicly.

The presence of your web site (since it is designed to promote your beliefs) is an intellectual challenge to all who have a different ethos.

Nearly every waking moment of my life is spoken for with working, training, fathering, husbanding, etc. But I was willing to answer your challenge.


So you think that I should be defending my beliefs privately with each and every individual who has an opposing position, and it should be kept private so that neither of the parties has to be held up to ridicule by other people with differing beliefs?

Maybe I should schedule a private phone call with each person that thinks they know what is after this life and I should let them talk in great detail about what they believe specifically and then I could assure them that I believe what I believe.

Perhaps no matter what my belief system is I should schedule most of my free time listening to every concept that people believe and even if they start to repeat the beliefs of a person before them I should still give that person their own go at it to try and convince me again?

And for people who are extra sensitive (like you), I should not only keep the conversations private but I should also reserve time for apologizing for what I believe, and if an apology isn't enough then I should reserve additional time for hugging that person until he/she is satisfied?

Probably everyone who has an opinion/belief of any kind should set aside a good amount of time for these private apology/convincing discussions with every other person who has their own opinion they've only just been convinced of by someone else.

Would this include even those who are simply lonely and fake or exaggerate an opposing position just for somethin' to do?

This sounds like a good plan Armando.

no way in hell would I have wasted the minutes it took me to see what the hell this site was about, had I known what was in it.”

hey, the only people who read this...are BORED spiritually disfunctional individuals who need a life! way in hell would I have wasted the minutes it took me to see what the hell this site was about, had I known what was in it.

Miguel Mosquera

And yet you took the time to write it out and express your feelings to me. Don't you see? That's the beauty of it!

Perhaps it can only be appreciated on this end.


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