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"well you can picture me in a straight jacket all you want"

The Jason Schaffer files

His letters are in yellow, whilst mine are in black & white.

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Bob,
I need some more advice from you since you are such an ispiration to many of the athiests in the United States. My stupid, catholic mother is crying at my bed at night, wondering what she wants to do with me. I am a mix of catholic, and athiest. I believe in my own beliefs, but my mother wont let me say anything to my opinion. And when I tell her my beliefs, she forces me into the church next sunday. I fell asleep a couple times, and I have gotten grounded from being athiest. I need some help on what to do. My mother is going literally insane with her all believing in God sorta thing, and I respect that. But the problem is that she wont respect my beliefs, and she wants me to start going into church Wednesday, and Sunday for a spirital bring-up. Help me.

Thanks again, you are totally awesome.
Jennifer



Yeah, this is a difficult situation to be in, because you have to live with them, and they're your parents. They have every right to tell you what to do. My suggestion would be to sell out everything you know and become a zombie who believes in the Bible because everyone is telling you to, and ignore everything you think you know.

Just kidding, but that's essentially what's being asked (demanded) of you. What I'd do if I were in your shoes is go back, listen to these church services, take notes, write about it, and make a list of questions that have no answers. Keep a diary (you probably already do), and write about why you believe what you believe. It probably won't be until you move out that you'll be free to believe what you want without all the bitchin' from your folks.

If you have a mother that's going insane, I've found from my own experience, that it's best to just humor her. My mother is still an insane Christian, and has been all these years, and now that I'm 36 we just agree to disagree and leave it at that. Is there any way to just not bring it up?

You're just stuck there until you're old enough to move out. But you can still have your own thoughts and beliefs, just don't talk about 'em.
Care to tell me more about how serious the craziness is?

I never bring anything up with my parents since I know I will get smacked for it. I learned that the hard way, haha. But your advice is true, and I will continue to take it. I do keep a diary/ journal. I write down many things, and you remind me of my grandmother. Except you are like 50 years younger and you dont believe in Godd. She tells me the same thing.

The craziness?! Oh my God. Let's see, well, she comes downstairs every night and begs me to stop listening to Marilyn Manson since she believes he is effecting my belief standard. I say, no. I was believing in nothing before I started listening. Sometimes, she makes me stay home for the weekend to teach me the importants of believing in God, and what amazing things happen when you trust in Him. I am literally laughing at her, trying not to. She wont let me really do anything in my 'craziness' since she calls me a gothic whore. I have blonde hair! She wont let me dye it. But, thats not the point. She says, " God gave you your hair for a particular reason, and dying it now, could send you to hell!" Its some what crazy, but she also says i am not old enough to make my own descions in what not to believe in. I think that is true, but what is she doing? Shoving religion down my throat, so I do not come out as a cock gobbler ( She didnt really say that ). I am thinking I made this email long enough, so yeah. You can just email me back when you can. Thanks.

Jennifer

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Jennifer Collier's letters

Hiya Bob,
I wanted to write to you after reading the letters from Jennifer Collier, that unfortunate young lady with the rabidly-indoctrinated mom.  I know it's not for everybody, but as a community-college professor all I can say is... education, education, education.   The higher you go, the further you get (generally speaking) from the babbling of ignorance, particularly amongst your colleagues.   There's a reason the Right (wrong) Wing fears colleges and universities -- they're hotbeds for (gasp!) rational thought.  Jennifer should do as well as she can in high school, and try to get into a cool college -- not Bob Jones U! -- she can ask around, the liberal colleges are easy to sniff out.   I remember when I was graduating from high school, I didn't know my arm from my elbow, politically -- but I wound up at American U, in DC, where they offered classes like "The Case for Evolution" (which was, incidentally, taught by a Lesbian professor who was having a child with her partner -- not radical stuff today, but even 15 years ago, when I was in college, that was considered "extreme"). 

 Wanting to be with, and work with, like-minded people isn't being closed-minded, it's the key to feeling like a complete and effective human. Interacting with non-believers is a good, healthy challenge -- but being constantly on the defensive in a hostile environment is neither beneficial nor desirable.  As you mentioned, the city -- any city -- will provide a more open-minded milieu, but if Jennifer really wants to "arm" herself for the long run, and she's academically inclined, I'd say that college education is a good way to go.  And community college (plug for my team!!!) gives you instructors who care more about their students than publishing in the next journal and foisting you on teaching assistants -- pick and choose, there are some good, reason-loving professors out there who can open doors. 

Anyway, the semester just ended for me today, and I'm going to stop my soapbox preaching now and hang up my professor hat til Spring semester.

Thanks, Bob, for keeping up the good fight. 

Ferdinanda

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Subject: Jason Schaffer

Sheesh, Bob. You've got the mentally ill writing you now! If he were sane, I would imagine the guy has "BC" and "AD" mixed up. He mentions all these events written about in the bible, yet he says, "all of this stuff happened after the bible was written." Wow. Now I guess I can see how he can think that the Devil was created before creation.

Unfortunately this guy has his Christianity mixed up with ancient Ugardic and Zoroastrian texts. Nowhere in the bible does it say that "Satan" was Seraphim. There is a mention of "O Lucifer, how you have fallen" and that nonsense, but it was a reference to the fallen Babylonian King compared to his god, Lucifer, who was the son of the King of Gods. He wasn't Satan at all. In fact, there really is no One guy named Satan in the bible. A satan is a sort of God Gopher who does God's will. Anyone should see that simply everything any particular Satan does in scripture is a result of God's will or command. Especially when he "entered into' (ewww) Judas when he "betrayed" Christ, thereby bringing about the salvation of mankind. If anything, that particular satan should be thanked. Everything else we think of as Satan is either a servant of God or a spirit or a god of another religion. Too bad for this Schaeffer nut. That's what happens to some of us in college. It's all the drugs, alcohol, the atmosphere, and the fact of being in our twenties. It's real easy to go insane. Good luck to him.

--Alleee
hellboundalleee.com

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Subject: Did Jason Schaffer ever go to school?

Dearest Bob,
I know, I know...making fun of Mr. Schaffer is almost too easy. It's something to do before that cup of coffee in the morning. Now, I normally don't get too upset during theological arguments. As long as people preach to the choir and not to me, I really don't care what they believe in. However, it really gets me pissed off when people mangle widely-accepted facts. A few of my quibbles with Jason's email:

1) Gold is much denser than silver (10.49 g/cubic cm versus 19.3)

2) Denser doesn't mean stronger. Mercury is quite dense, but you don't see anyone making swords out of it.

3) Gold (and silver) were just as valuable in Ye Bible Tymes as they are now. More so, in fact. While we have bulldozers, dynamite, and cyanide extraction, the ancients were armed with luck and shovels. It would have been a feat to produce a single spear of solid gold, let alone enough for an entire army.

4)Bronze (smelted together copper and tin) was first discovered around 3,000 BC. That's a whole hell of a long time before the Hellenistic period.

5) Common sense- gold is a soft metal. A couple whacks against an enemy's shield and you'd need to take your sword back to the smithy to be sharpened.

All right, enough of that. I know it's pointless to expect most theists to know their facts, but I can always hope, right?

From a longtime fan,
Allison

your site's just twisted and wrong.

i've seen plenty of wacked shit in 10k miles of hitchiking, and endless hours of driving a cab... but your site's just twisted and wrong.

Jason Schaffer

 

How so?
Sitting here, with this e-mail open... many things come to mind...

Sitting here, with this e-mail open... many things come to mind that i could put into this electric mail.

But this is neither hate, nor fan mail.

.... Perhaps you should be better informed of that which you mock... Not talking about Christ though... as it would seem to me your mockery of the "Devil" is just as important to your gig as Jesus.

everyone's trying to shove Jesus down your throat...

perhaps i could give you enough satan to make you sick of it.

Jason Schaffer

How could anybody ever get sick of Satan?
...sick of this girl when she suddenly started urinating on her own bedroom floor... in front of her roomates.

well i suppose the young lady who was scoring high marks on her law school reports most every semester... got very ill of the idea.

roomates for years noticed only the slightest change in her life... till suddenly she became more and more rude... or evil depending on your 'take' of the world.

infact... i think even her roomates got rather sick of this girl when she suddenly started urinating on her own bedroom floor... in front of her roomates.

yet... when i heard this story, and insisted the girl take me to see her roomate... the one uriniating on her own floor... she wasn't there.

i'm going to stop there for now... waiting to see what filters through your head and what get's flamed back at me before i continue.

Jason Schaffer

Wait. She was Satan? That doesn't sound like it had anything to do with Satan. She's just nuts. Are you seriously going to sit there and tell me that somehow she was Satan?
Your image of satan, though i may not understand it completely, does not fit the laws of physics, or our reality.

naw, that's not what i'm getting at with this situation, but i knew to stop it there for now. I'll tell you more about this soon enough but for me to lay it all out for you is going to take some work... so first things first! Your image of satan, though i may not understand it completely, does not fit the laws of physics, or our reality. Pardon me for being so forward, but am I right? Do you not belive in Satan? Perhaps, because the idea is so insanely simple minded that it just don't fit the big picture we see and know as life? Am i close? I'm trying to see where your coming from to best communicate where i'm coming from.

I'm not trying to fag it up with you, but i am trying to do my best to relate what i can to you... if your willing to keep a simple correspondence with me for a while you will be able to better develop your image of satan... and i think that'd help your carreer... and you'd see what a lot of christians are unable to see, scewing their perceptions. Though, i am almost sure already, that you are quite aware that you see more than they do. But.... i can show you more. Who do you know who has predicted that past decade of events to happen to this world?

and with that i must sleep... i've had to be up for almost 36 hours now... and this computer thing is making my head hurt. =P

Jason Schaffer

 

You'd like to understand my image of Satan? I'd be more than happy to explain it to you. My image of Satan is one of a make-believe character made up by people- a breed of mammal that has a long history of making up things. You are right about one thing, the idea is so insanely simple. These imaginative people who made him up saw that bad things happened and created a character that was responsible for all of those bad things. A scary, evil, magical being that told lies, tempted people, and laughed when they fell. Such a simple made up character.

None of these imaginative people studied humans to see why we really do what we do to each other, or researched the nature of man to uncover the real reasons we behave the way we do. No. They invented Satan, and saved themselves a lot of work. "It's Satan's fault!" And of course it's God and His beautiful angels that are the ones who make good things happen and have people's best interests in mind. They're the good guys, Satan and his demons are the bad guys. So very very simple. A retarded person's scope of life.

Now today we all know and understand that living beings have behavioral patterns and traits that are accountable in all living beings, all the way down to the single celled organism. We are not the only animal that feels shame, grief, happiness and anger. It takes a lot more studying and research to find out how things really operate up here on the earth's surface but it's well worth the effort, and much more can be gained in doing so than simply resorting to "God made it that way, and Satan is evil."

Okay, now that I've told you my version of Satan, you tell me yours. And in doing so, I ask that you listen to the explination you're going to tell me, and picture me picturing you in a straight jacket in the corner of a padded room telling me all about it.

Bob

well you can picture me in a straight jacket all you want...

well you can picture me in a straight jacket all you want, but you'd be a totall fool to ignore the fact i called out how you viewed this image, satan before you were able to understand my own view...

looking at what satan is according to what inspired the idea, the bible... to start with an image at least.

he was the supposed first, and most beautiful creation of the creator. This means he was created before flesh... or the big bang, or whatever we want to pretend we agree on about the origin of the universe. That would also mean satan would be able to exist without flesh, to say... a spirit or, higher being.

satan was a serephim angel... i think i spelled that wrong, but the phenetic should hold true. These types of angels were the bad asses of the bunch... and looked nothing like today's commercialized etchings of angels...

their heads had four faces, ram lion eagle humiod, if i remember correctly.

but the funny thing is... spiritual beings can take whatever shape they want to take... not having mass or gravity, or space or density... really helps in the shapeshifting department.

so what a 'satan' looks like doesn't matter one lick.

you raise an excellent point in your last e-mail... how human's cop out things to ... the devil did it.

well looking at human history... and an untold prediction in the bible... we can start to seperate things that satan has done, and things man has done.

untold prediction? Here's one that's passed by most every bible scholar.

daniel, the slave prophet in babylon...answered a summons to be killed one day.
You see, the king, had already killed all the people in his kingdom that were 'spiritually' equipped.... the astrologers and mystics and what not.

they were all given a chance to tell the king what his dream was, but the king had had a dream that he couldn't remember... and something about it terrified him so much that he knew it wasn't a dream that was just random... it was some kind of vision or something.... this is the part that most people don't get coming up. Daniel ended up telling the king what his dream was, after fasting and praying for 3 days... or however long. and the bible doesn't verify the dream...... WORLD HISTORY DOES!

lets see... babylon was the first and largest empire, in what is now called Iraq, Iran, and India. The kings of this empire had it out for gold, they made their temples and castles out of it... the people's weapons were made from it... wherever they concoured they took the gold and used it for their technology. This, i think, incidentally, is where the seven cities of gold fable started out.

anyways, just remember that babylon was all about the gold, and they were the first, or the head, of the world empires.

the medes and the persia people, banded togeather eventually and overthrew babylon... they didn't have the advantage of gold's easy way of being shapped into everything they needed...

they had silver though, and it's a bit denser than gold... and their wepons made from silver basically tore up the ones made of with gold in them.

so, remember from this bit of world history, two kingdoms who used silver in their crafting were the next empire.

the greek empire was the next large world empire, and in with them came the bronze age... bronze is much stronger than silver, and silver mixed into the weapons couldn't stand up against the bronze of the greeks...

after the bronze age, came the romen empire, with their iron weapons and technology.

the chatholic church came from here, and is the last 'empire' but not the same kind of empire or with the same kind of power... but i'll come back to this shortly.

ok, so check my world history... this all happened after the bible was written, long after this guy had his dream and daniel told him what it was...

the dream was about.

a huge and evil beast that was able to destroy everything on the earth.
and that this king was likened to this beast, but like in his dream the beast would be destroyed, and so would he.

well... that's all the bible says about the dream really... it gives a very detailed description of the beast... but it had nothing to do with the king or daniel... so daniel didn't know to record anything more than he was shown.

but if we look... at the description of the beast *or satan's works*

it had a head made from gold (babylon with its empire of gold)
with 2 arms made from silver ( two kingdoms who used silver overthrew
babylon and became the next empire)
a torso made of bronze (the greeks empire with the bronze age)
and the lower parts made from iron (the roman empire with their iron technology)

and hooves... made from iron and clay.

well... the roman empire... mixed all the religions around them into their own, to keep the mass populous at peace....
when the christains wouldn't budge, they did the same and invented the catholic church... which is why instead of praying to different Gods, they then prayed to different saints, and on and on... it was mixing the bullshit with the truth... thus, iron mixed with clay as the hooves, or on which the beast stands.

the catholic church was the only thing after the roman empire that had anykind of full world ablitiy to pursueade entire nations... even though they had very little army... (knights of templar were kinda cool though)

so it's very little wonder so many catholic priests were doing little boys... these guys, though known to the world as Godly men... mostlikely were never shown or knew how to reach God in prayer... Big surprise... everything you think is true about christians... is true about the catholic church... but not all christians. (though... most... but atleast... not this one)

ok... that's enough for now...

i am not saying that all these people of all these empires were satan...

but let me know when you've read this or whatever, and i'll go into bits about satan's involvment and mans actions within this setting i've put here in world history.

Jason Schaffer

in a few years... when what i am about to tell you has come to pass... you most likely will feel like the biggest schmuck in the world

this e-mail was spam free till you decided to post it, not that it matters, i'm sure you don't care. and you can say there are no laws... but i am a man well veresed in the slander/.liable and harrasment issues in america.  the people that have harrased me, and the spam mail that's come suddenly from your BS.... is enough grounds to excat whatever i would feel appropriete... if i were to give a shit.  So don't make me give enough of a rat's ass.... i understand the game of america better than you.... i've beaten almost every aspect of it.


i came not to you for a discussion, i don't bother with that kind of thing anymore. But i figured if you were intellegent enough to beat the system enought to work for yourself that you'd have the smarts to put 2 and 2 and 2 togeather... from someone who can point out the actuall numbers amidst all the crap that covers them up and delludes them.

my background gives a great deal of weight to my words... and it just saddens me that you blew past the facts and chose to make fun of things that were less relevent to the point that i was trying to make.

and i'm almost positive if you had ever the chance to know me, you most certainly wouldn't be much of a prick to me or feel much inclinded to mock me.

btw, if i'd had thrown that pepsi at your head, it wouldn't had missed, and if you had approached me to scare me off, you'd had your fight that you were looking for... but that's just it... i go against almost every rule that the modern day christians go by, and that is why i thought you'd take the moment to understand me... but nope... your life, your pocket book, and your 'fame' from people who most likely wouldn't risk their life to save you if it came down to it are more important.

whatever, that which you mock will be come more apparent as the days go on... just remember this, if anything... from me.

one-star, some huge mega corp that deals in GPS tracking stuff... have a chip that's been delivered to the FDA, and though rejected there... they made ammends to it so that the FDA would be unable to regulate it.  It's not able to have medical data on it at all... however, GPS, a lithium battery that recharges by temperture variations, and financial data will be housed in it.

so what.

well, every type E bar-code has 6 6 6, in it, not 666, but 3 individual 6's that make the frame of the type E barcode.

all things we've bought have been through or under a type E bar-code...

this chip will be scanned by scanners also equipped to read the barcodes.... and the chip, like TIME magizine reported in April 2002, fits in the hand, or the Forehead, the only 2 spots on the human body that change temp oten enough to reboot the battery.

who cares?

no one, cause people don't read bar-codes or understand what i was trying to tell you in the first e-mails.... the people that made these satan esk items, never knew that they were inspired by things that they couldn't see... but it doesn't matter now, nor to you...

however, in a few years... when what i am about to tell you has come to pass... you most likely will feel like the biggest schmuck in the world for responding to me, but remember, i did atleast take the time to stick around and tell you.-----> that when the identity theft becomes unbareable, and perhaps one nuke get's set off by a terrorist.... these chips will become manditory because of their GPS tracking capibiliites.... teorrists won't get them, and many who are considered christians will... because they don't get it either... but the christians who don't get this, will also be hunted with the terrorists...

when that happens... remember me, and know you've already been told this shit was going to come to pass...

and perhaps... you'll have the moment to re-evaluate the fact that you've been mocking something you've never even met... or understood, even though you were fed crap about it as a kid... you yourself, never intereacted with God, though you can.... all you have to do is drop your damned pride and ask Him to show you what He's about, and If He's real... but nope, you can't do that... cause ah... and get this... MR crazy's going on one last tangent... the demons that have attached themseleves to your psyche that you'r unable to see or feel with fleshly eyes, or fleshly anything (since they themselves are not flesh, and thus unable to be measured or rated by anything of the flesh) won't let you see the truth....


keep mocking us, keep mocking the people that don't know any better than to think for themseleves...

you will have quite some 'karama' to answer for... and there won't be a damn person who'll be able to help you.

making a living off of being a prick, is no way to live a good life.

Jason Schaffer
*Email address removed at crazy's request*

Holy Jesus! I didn't realize how accurate my little drawing was.

You can bet I'm counting the days until the end of civilization as we know it. And we'll all be so impressed that you called it, down to the freakin' tracking chip even!

"Good job, Jason!" I'll commend! Then I'll pat you on the back, the door will shut, and you will be free to gloat in your padded room, while the rest of us curse the sky for you being so damn right!

Thanks Jason. Great emails. I always forget that I need to be fearing more, and having less fun.
Bob

 

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