We're Number One!
A celebration in the outright conquering of Jesus Christ
Even as I write this I am in disbelief as to how wonderful it is to be number one! Number fucking ONE on a Google search for the word Jesus! Number one out of 24,800,000 sites! That's Twenty four MILLION, eight hundred THOUSAND web pages about Jesus that aren't as popular as mine!!!
I mean, isn't it incredible that here in the United States of America the God of all other sites about Jesus is one that mocks His holy sacrifice? Ironic, don't you think? I'm sure He sees the irony.
They should give out an award for this. They really should! Hell, I don't even think that there's a number bigger than 24,800,000! Is there? No! I didn't think so!
And boy have I noticed a difference. Sales are up, traffic is WAY up and I'm getting emails I wouldn't have gotten back when I was only #3. Like this one!
Picture retrieved from the Draw Josh Wilkinson contest, page 174
Subject: Re: number 2 bitch
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha mutherfuccer, you said you is number one on google search for jesus, yourre number two bitcch, because of my dad
Start your day with Yahoo! - make it your home page
Um, no. I'm number one Josh-ka-poo. That first item is not a site link. It's a catalog of other Google search results. Your dad didn't do shit!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
I mean, how much better could it get? What's better than number one? Let me think... Oh yeah! Nothin'! That's what! And it's all because of you! You people went and used Google to find the information you were looking for about Jesus, and you chose me! Me, Normal Bob Smith, to educate you on a man known as "Jesus Christ, God of Earth" to many, but to me, my readers and Google.com just another guy who looks funny in a snorkel.
In fact, look at this email I got just this evening!
Subject: HATE MAIL - very offensive - please read
I am a 13 year old girl sitting in a Christian Studies lesson. We were askled to type into Google, 'Who is Jesus?', when we stumbled upon your unfortunate website.
The whole class is in out-raw. This is a very offensive website and troubles me greatly as me and many of my peers are at the stage where we begin deciding about our faith.
I go to a Lutheran College and the whole class is out-raged at your website. How could you make such a site that offends the very being that millions across the world believe in?! How could you?
I warn you, if your website does not drastically change, or is removed, there could be serious petitioning to get rid of it.
Well Katie, I do not wish to upset you or your classmates, but you need to know that not everybody believes Jesus is the God of the world. In fact many believe that He was just another guy, no magic powers, no resurrection, and no ability to fly into the sky without wings what-so-ever. And that book called the bible that you read, it's not the truth either.
All I ask is that you understand how crazy it looks to people like me that you believe that this human being is a god. It's just not true. It's a fable just like the Three Little Pigs, except you're being taught that this fable is the truth, and to me that's just plain wrong. Even your teachers could tell you that!
So you and all your little friends can try and start a petition to shut me down, but let me warn you, many have tried before you and all have failed. And history tells us that never ever, not even once, has a group of little 13 year old girls ever made a difference at all, ever.
So yeah, I guess you could say that I'm pretty stoked. I realize that I'm #6 for a search on Who Is Jesus? But who cares about them small apples? A bunch of 13 year old girls, that's who!
We're number one people! And we're never ever gonna lose, because winners stay winners forever and no one ever beats them again!
Thank you very much.
Normal Bob Smith
|(This email was sent to approx 6 different addresses besides mine)
|“You have crossed over into a realm of vengeance from God that you will not be able to comprehend.”
Subject: Attention all
Attention all brothers in Christ,
You are urged to visit this website to see what utter rubbish is being declared by this website over our Lord Jesus. http://www.jesusdressup.com/
I got as far as the 2nd page and logged off in disgust.
or go to Google and type in Jesus and on that first opening page go to Dress Jesus and see for yourself
Please e-mail to all Christians to send prayer warrriors to prayer for the souls of those who operate these websites
To the website owners
Please allow me to pray for you or have someone prayer for because you never gave Jesus a chance.
Your website will not proper you in anyway and if you think selling fridge magnets is doing great, then a word of caution with the cash you think you have accumulated, it belongs to God and the image you have portrayed on your website by dressing Jesus in weird clothes also belongs to Jesus.
You have crossed over into a realm of vengeance from God that you will not be able to comprehend.
So i give you a chance to redeem yourself whilst you have breath in your lungs and common sence to allow me to prayer for you. Do it now and enter the kingdom of Heaven
JOHN 3 V 16
Love Andreas and Team
Keep me up to date with what kind of responses you get and how this whole campaign goes for you.
And by the way, this site isn't a whole team of owners or anything. I'm just one guy. So it's all you guys against me, all alone. You shouldn't have much trouble, right?
My name is Bob. Please address me as such!
|“I will pray for you and the people behind the website who pull the strings.”
I will pray for you and the people behind the website who pull the strings.
I dont condemn you just sad that you aligned yourself in this direction.
Anyway God Bless
Andreas & Team
People who pull all the strings? What are you talking about? I wasn't kidding when I said it's all me!
Wait, are you thinking that I'm just some sort of figure head and that there's a whole team of minds working together behind me? Im flattered! But no kiddin' it's all me and no one else. Just one guy. Can you believe it?? Seriously! Amazing, huh?
|“Well done Bob there is hope after all.”
Subject: I am impressed
I am amazed Bob
I really thought you had (like me a team of 8 or 10) people helping you run the operation website media crtisism.
I am impressed.
See God does exsist cause he created a talented workhorse like you.(and me)
I am in kind of the same predicament running a video edit facility all on my own.
How old are you
where you from
tell me about the part of the world you live in.
Do you have a family?
If you want to though
I am in South Africa in a city called Durban which is like California.
We have our sister Church in Tustin CA by the way.
I am married with 4 kids all grown up though.
Attached are some pics of our city and one of my office with my ex assistant who went to have a baby last month
Well done Bob there is hope after all.
Well, unfortunately I think the fact that it's only me is worse news for you and your mission.
I just turned 36 a couple weeks ago, I live here in New York, and I've lived all over these great United States (WI, CO, CA, IL, NY). I love it here in NYC. I love all the people and the different cultures I'm surrounded by. I love the energy and honesty and the attitude here. I never thought I could have it so good. I'm my own boss running this site by myself which means I don't have to answer to anyone, except hate mailers. And God I love answering hate mailers! I love it so much! Did you see that I'm almost up to 230 pages of it? I feel so strongly about my beliefs. I enjoy defending them to no end.
My family is in the Midwest, parents, brothers, sister-in-laws, nieces and nephews, and I love them all very very much. And they love me too. I see them fairly regularly usually holiday vacations but every once in a while (once or twice a year) they come to visit me. I miss them even now. I am single, no wife or kids, but I am dating. They all love my site except for my parents, but they are very religious and came as no surprise to me. When I told them I no longer believed they were sad, but they think it's some kind of plan God has for me and they pray for me even more now. They even agreed to participate in the documentary that I was in.
South Africa? Have you heard about the movie? http://www.bobsmithmovie.com The director, Neil Abramson, is from South Africa too! And the movie is pertinent to this conversation as well because it deals with the subject of religion. Neil followed 7 different "Bob Smiths" in the United States around documenting them and their daily routines. One of them was a Christian clown, another was a Yogi, one was a Christian sheriff in Texas, and then there was me! The lone atheist evangelist. And the most flattering part of it all for me was that now that the movie's been made (and it's absolutely fantastic) Neil has admitted his beliefs swaying more in the direction on mine. Neil is a very smart and upstanding gentleman.
I'm curious, why didn't you send me a picture of yourself? Why a picture of your assistant? The pictures are okay but I'm guessing your country is more beautiful than those images you've sent. Thank you though. I think however that you need to look through more of my site and find out a little more about me and why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'd like you to be a bit more prepared and save us both a lot of time. I suggest starting here: http://www.normalbobsmith.com/godatemyballs/
|“Its not in a Christians nature to judge others.”
Hate mailers well thats one for our Team to talk about
Attached is picture of me and the team. Guess which one is me.
Well what can i say xcept that today I got back from a funeral
A 12 Year old kid whom I had not even met cause i do funeral videos for a side line to earn a living had such an impact on me and the way i percieve things that I thought of you and other people that we seem to judge before we meet them.
I was wrong to judge you.
I apologise. Its not in a Christians nature to judge others.
But then I also see the funny side of your website which may surprise you
However I dont approve as i mentioned but then who am i to judge you.
So to get back to the funeral story
This girl was 15 years old and died of cystic fibrosis.
But the tributes from her friends and pastor made me realise that even you and I will one day be the focus of a ceremony like that. You might decide to be scattered over the net
Me i dont even know
but ultimately I realised that one must never judge a book by its cover.
So thanks for teaching me through my own way of selfishness against your beliefs to find my weakness
And in friendship find my strengh to identify it.
I hope to visit your country one day as a good old tourist with my wife.
Hopefully we can meet for coffee have a bite to eat.
And send me a pic of your self.
It was actually a great pleasure to meet you friend
Andreas and Team
Hold on. Did you just say to me, "It's not in a Christian's nature to judge others?"
You've got to be kidding me. Aundreas, I've got over 8,500 emails in a folder here on my desktop that tell a different tale. Not only is it Christian nature to judge others, it's HUMAN nature! Where in God's name did you ever get the idea that Christians don't have it in their nature to judge people? You made judgments about me in your very first email, and you're a Christian, right? This kind of talk may work on a child, but not here. You're human just like the rest of us, and you judge people every day. You're supposed to judge people. You judge people on their behavior. You judge people on their beliefs, and you judge people on their reputation. I do too.
You know, let me do ya one better. I think it's GOOD to judge others! If someone is a junky prostitute you have every right to judge them on that and choose not to invite them into your home. It's perfectly okay to judge a white supremacist for his beliefs. If you have a friend who's a phony and lies all the time you can judge him for that and dislike him because of it! It's funny to read your letter, watch you judge me, tell me your judgments and then say you haven't a right to judge me and it's not in a Christian's nature to judge. You're so silly.
Do you understand what an assault it is on my intelligence when you say things like "Thank you for teaching me through my own way of selfishness against your beliefs to find my weakness," while you simultaneously work to get me shut down?
Clearly you see yourself as being above most others, and more than ready to judge someone for their ideas then shut them down because of 'em. Yes, I am judging you, and I am not impressed. I certainly wouldn't choose someone like you to be a close friend. Ha ha! Can you imagine me hangin' out being best friends with a guy who's doing everything in his power to shut me up? Very good Andreas!
By the way, I already sent you a picture of myself. Did you even click on that link I sent you?
PS. The picture you sent, I'm guessin' you're the dude who's jus' hangin' out in the middle with the rock-n-roll haircut and laid back attitude. Am I right?
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