Subject: WTF? God loves you!

I checked out your "Super Chick" section. Yikes! Theory confirmed: your fans really suck. I love it how they go on about being intelligent yet fill their pages with garbled profanity and absence of thought. Bob, I know that irony isn't beyond you. You know what you're doing alright.

Just think what you're doing here with these types: you're encouraging them down their path of ignorance and spiritual void. How are they going to find good husbands to provide for them with their crass fashion and putrid attitudes? You know where these girls end up? They're pretty now but wait 'till they're middle aged skanks selling their goods on the corner for $2 a pop. Wasted youth is a painful regret, Bob, and I know you don't want a hand in that.

Yet, it isn't too late for any of us, thank God. We can still turn from our spiritually suicidal path and be restored to righteousness. I'd quote the verses, Bob, but you know them. You know them, and that makes your external consequences harsher for rejecting them.

I'm not hating here. It's sound advice. God isn't going to pop out of the sky and hit you over the head. He's going to let you do what you want, including mockery, until the time comes to judge you.

Eric Johnson
werewolferic@canwetalk.com

It amuses me when someone sends an email in regards to how ignorant or pathetic my fans might be, then in the same email that person says something along the lines of, "God is going to judge you when your time comes."

Aligning yourself with the ignorant is not the best way to get your point across in a situation like this, Eric. I'd enjoy watching you try to avoid looking pathetic and ignorant while you explain how God created light, vegetation and planet earth 150 billion years AFTER he created the dinosaur, or some sort of explanation about how exactly human sins cause bad weather, or even just hearing you say "Rainbows are a promise from God that He'll never flood the earth again." Those are the sort of things I like to keep in mind when I read a letter like the one you sent me.

Now as for the Super Chics, those ultra super hip and gorgeous girls are there to put a smile on your face and a lump in your pants. To me it sounds like you're more in the market for a librarian or a sperm bank or someone who'll be a killjoy at a party. If that's the case then "Super Chics from Outer Space" is the wrong stop on that Google search. In all honesty, your projections as to how they'll be when they're middle age sounds more like the window you should be shooting for. Yes Eric, I am not showcasing American housewives in that section to thrill and excite my viewers. How very observant of you.

It takes a real brainiac to expect eternal paradise in return for believing in the Bible. I am not hating here. This is my sound advice. Run and catch God, Eric! He's right there at your fingertips if only you believe! Click your heels together, Eric! You've almost made it to heaven! Wish upon a star! All you have to do is believe, Eric!!!! The magic is real!!! I PROMISE! If it wasn't then how did Lot's wife get turned into a pillar of salt? SEE?!? THE MAGIC IS REAL!!!

Silly.

Only the intelligent know they don't know everything. I'm disturbed by your blatant rejection of what millions, and historically billions have discovered as truth. But that's fine and dandy. Many of us were at that point sometime in our lives and thanfully repented. You have to do it before its too late, though! I can just picture you waking up on that glorious day!

You'll go to your computer, yearning to read the daily emails about the evil your dress up page causes. You find your "hate mail" folder empty. You go out to harass Christians with your magnets and don't find any. Then the fun really starts! No one will buy your magnets because they're too busy with God's wrath. Bob, use your talents for good instead of evil. You do know how to draw. You could be the next Jack Chick if only you aspired.

Eric Johnson
werewolferic@canwetalk.com

Oh my goodness! The next Jack Chick! Ya think?

I see you didn't take me up on my request to describe told bible events without sounding ignorant. Clearly you weren't THAT disturbed if you were able to gloss over my criticisms without even a mention. I wish you'd explain those things to me Eric. Please please please, my salvation depends on it! Tell me of the truth in rainbows! The magical world where dinosaurs and man lived together as one! The undeniable proof that lies caused those hurricanes that swept through Florida! And give me the rundown about the end of the world and those chariots of fire and angels atop their unicorns riding God's sunbeams while you're at it.

Hey Eric, did you know that billions have done a great many things in vain, believed lies and followed false leaders all through history? This can't be the only reason you believe what you believe, can it? Because so many others do?

Oh how you anticipate the day I wake up and pay for not believing what you believe. It's funny how perfectly that feeds off of the most basic of human nature. "They'll all pay when they see that I'm right." It's the most childish, immature textbook behavior, you should be embarrassed to reveal it, and your God serves it up on a silver platter. What a courageous pioneer you are. And all without any reasons or explanations. You've no idea how revealing it is that you chose to reply like you did instead of answering any of my inquiries.

Okay Eric, I'll listen. Just answer me this. One simple thing. That shouldn't be too hard, should it? The paradise that you speak of. The one where you'll go because you chose to believe in the correct religion. What about the ones you love who don't believe? That's it. That's my question, as horrible as it may seem to you. What about you in heaven separated from that one person you love who's away in hell? Hmm? What about that? Give me your explanation of that scenario and I'll listen. How can heaven be heaven if my one true love is in hell?

Bob

Heaven and God are far more important than any of your loved ones. Our mortal relationships are of the corrupted flesh and will pass as all mortal things do. When you reach heaven they won't matter because God's grace and love shadows everything else. So this is what your rebellion is about?

You're afraid one of your hellbound friends won't be with you? Well, Bob, it's easy then. Get everything right in your life and then help others do the same. Do you really want to see your "loved" ones cooked off the bone, anyway?

Eric Johnson
werewolferic@canwetalk.com

"Heaven and God are far more important than any of your loved ones."
So this is what it means to believe in God. I suspected it to be true, but to actually hear the words sends a chill up my spine. I hope that people see this for what it is. It's so important for everyone to recognize the frightening level of faith people have, so much so that it easily outweighs the importance of loved ones and human life. This is exactly the point I've been trying to make since I started this whole goddamn web site.

Eric, I don't believe that God and heaven exist. It's no more real than (how can I make you understand this?), than gorillas with eternal spirits. It's as fake as those Heaven's Gate nut jobs and the mother ship they're racing through space in right now. That's how fake God and heaven are, Eric.

Now can you see how appalling your declaration that your God and waiting paradise are more important than human beings? Can you understand how to me such a statement is more grotesque than anything I'm doing on my goofy web page? I shake my head at what you've been taught and what this brand of thinking means for the human race in the years and centuries to come.

I was once where you are now, Eric and it totally fucked with my head. There's a reason why you're avoiding those three points I've brought up in all my previous letters (dinosaurs or Adam & Eve, sin = bad weather, rainbow promises). It's because those are just a few of many questions that make no sense in a Christian world, but have simple and logical answers in the real world.

The things you say are no different than the things said by anyone brainwashed by a cult. And you, Eric, are part of the most popular cult in America. You believe that we are eternal ghosts being watched from another dimension by another larger more powerful ghost which you refer to as "Supreme Ghost" ... or something like that. Right?

How empty the world is when you think so little of us mortals.

Bob

You're being very short sighted! You have to look beyond the mortal realm to see the full picture. It is not as dark as you think. We're all part of God's family and it is our duty to overcome original sin through God's plan.

We're all loved. Jesus says we must hate our family in comparison to him. He's speaking of comparison! Your mother should look like Osama Bin Laden in comparison to Jesus because He is divine and without sin or selfish pride. The problem is you've never experienced the divine power therefore you don't understand the glaring gap of perfection between God and humans. And, despite being the filth of God's creation He's loving enough to look beyond that and forgive us if we're willing to accept that love. That's how grand God is! Bob, we're running out of time. Bush's reelection may help delay God's punishment upon this land for another four years, but who knows when the End Times will fall. What sounds better to you? A land of mansions, golden streets and God's eternal love, or a pit of torment and regret.

Eric Johnson
werewolferic@canwetalk.com

Hear me LORD, I come to you to pray for Normal Bob Smith and his misguided fans in Your name. "The LORD is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9) You have stated many times You will not give up on us despite our spiritual void; you will watch us steadfast until it is time to reap our harvest. I'm praying today for that time to be Bob's. Let them Believe in the Savior JESUS CHRIST though they can not see Him. Then, in the air, their souls will fly to You.

Just as you saved me from my addictions and afflictions, You too can rescue Bob from his foolish pride and ego. There is no sin too great that You haven't bore on the Cross. I pray also for Bob's fans. I pray for the boastful 23 year old military member who sought to sway me with his claims of non-affiliation with Satan. LORD, You know as well as I he can only have one master. You, or Satan. He, like Bob, is a Satanist in motive and deed.. I pray for Bob's harem of female God haters. May you cast out the wicked spirit of Lilith from them and bring them to repentance and glory. May they realize a life of sin is not worth the eternal consequences. LORD, with this I conclude my spiritual intervention. I will not allow Bob to attack me futher with his arguements as You commanded today: his fate is rightfully in Your hands.

Eric Johnson
werewolferic@canwetalk.com

Hello Eric!
My goodness! I never realized how utterly repellent and vile we humans were until I read your accounts of what God's trying to teach us. What a delightful religion you've chosen. And you guys think the Islamic militants are nuts?

You want to know what I think? I think that the dinosaurs've been there since Adam & Eve. I think that along with those two naming all the animals we know today (like the moo-moo cow, the ferocious lion and all the insects) they also had the job of naming the t-rex and the mighty brontosaurus! Then, later, when Noah was saving the animals from that historic earth flood he also made enough room for two of every dinosaur! No, wait, maybe it's the flood that wiped out all the dinosaurs! That's it! That's how they all became extinct! Except for the swimming dinosaurs. But then that would explain the Loch Nes Monster.

Okay, maybe they survived the flood. So they musta been there for the crucifixion then, right? Just in case they were I went and drew a picture in my notebook of what that musta been like. (See attached.)

I hadn't even considered how lucky we are to have Bush as president again. That'll postpone the Apocalypse for at least another four years. Good call! And all the girls on the site are possessed by the spirit of Lilith. Brilliant. That explains the witch hunts!

I really can't understand why you're not winning everyone over with all of this sanity.

Dinosuars may have existed back then or it could be a scheme to distract us from God. You're thinking too much about the "fine details" we has humans shouldn't fret about. God the creator knows, and perhaps you'll know in the end as well if you choose the right path to heaven. As I stated in the last email, God has told me to move on. The seed of truth has been planted in you. It's up to you to grow. Goodbye, Bob.

Eric Johnson
werewolferic@canwetalk.com

Oh, don't get me wrong. I completely understand that your beliefs aren't for anybody who's going to put thought into them. And I'm sure that whenever someone does start to think about the fine details that's when God tells you "The seeds have been planted. Pack your bags and catch the first train out of town!"

My argument is that you in fact have not done your duty unto God by simply throwing your seeds out of the driver's side window as you speed past this hitchhiker who's thumbing his way you Knowledgonia. From all that I've gathered about your Master, He would rather you pick up that lost wanderer and help nurture those precious seeds like a responsible gardener should.

Mr. Werewolf Eric, I need sunlight, moist soil and watering at least once a day in order to sprout the leaves of curiosity and bloom that great flower of faith. But you have no answers, no logical reasons or explanations. This seed is doomed, hopelessly trying to push roots into the interstate blacktop, your taillights vanishing quickly on the horizon in the soupy fog of despair.

Come back Werewolf Eric! Why are you running away?! Do you not know that it's the seed which starves for answers is the seed which will one day bear rich fruit? Why are you speeding out of site? Eric..... Noooooooooooooooo!

Bob

Bob, all you need to know in life is the Bible. While I'm pleased you're hungry for knowledge I can't help but dismiss it all as sarcasm. I don't think you're sincere. If you are, I recommend starting with Genesis and ending at Revelations. As for the superchicks, they need to be zapped with a Holy Spirit ray gun. Until they get the spiritual jolt they require to wake them they're dead to what I'm saying here. It ain't worth the effort. Jeeze, why don't you all just go to church?

Eric Johnson
werewolferic@canwetalk.com

Ah yes, the sarcasm. You picked up on that, huh?
Let me get this straight. You're involved with a belief that you don't care if it has enormous gaping flaws in its validity and that it can be clearly exposed as a huge lie using proven facts that we know to be true today? Does this little tidbit not concern you?

Well Eric, it concerns me and many others. And what concerns us even more is when people like you refuse to answer questions. That's the mating call of a liar, a con man, or someone whose been brainwashed. Everyone knows that when questions can't be answered or when the salesman flees the premises that there's something shady going on. There' always a reason why rules are made against thinking it through, questioning and skepticism.

As for the Super Chics, they're the reason you should be running from me! I'm so goddamn proud to have these gorgeous girls on my site defending their views without any help from me what-so-ever. They make my heart go pitter-pat. I love you girls!

Bob