Subject: your not satan

please send this to whoever is in charge of your web page.

i was looking for a quote for my essay on Jesus and His times when i saw the horrible thing you did to Him in your drawing.

do you have any idea of who you are messing with? you should know God is the most powerful and good in the universe and your treating him like hes some sort of criminal who should be laughed at.

also, i think you have a big problem dressing up like Satan like you do. if you dont believe in God, why do you think you are Satan? im telling you right now, if any person came to earth saying he was Satan, id say he was a bit crazy.

ill be praying for you and your soul bob, because you may not believe it, but i love you and i care about you!!!!!!!

yours in God,
Belnini Korren
bkorren@edgeemu.com

Okay, you've asked some very good questions and raised some excellent points about God. Let me start by saying that the reason I think I am Satan is because I look so goddamn much like him. Have you seen me? The resemblance is uncanny!

I've never felt an overwhelming lust to commit evil, but Christ, the mirror doesn't lie. And Belnini, I am not crazy. I'm quite normal, actually. My favorite food is peanut butter, I don't have any traffic tickets, I collect dreamcatchers and I like looking at ladies in their underwear.

You should not judge others simply by how they look, Belnini. Maybe that's something your God tells you you should do, but that isn't what I believe. I believe that it is wrong to judge people by how they look, and for that alone He deserves the "horrible thing" I've done to Him.

I will pray to Satan (me) that your God stops teaching you to judge people by how they look.
You stink!
Bob

Subject: god still has fate in you

Jesus christ forgives.i just want god to help you and save you.you can put this on your website under hatemail but you are loved by god.you are just crying out for help.god will help you.you should know if you were raised by christians that satan is a devil and doesn't deserve to be worshiped.please get help.if you don't then god will send help to you.

god bless you
Mysta Hernandez
mysta@sbcglobal.net

Wow. Thank you. This is just what I needed. After all the yelling and hurtful emails I receive this was a real relief. Finally someone for once showing a bit of kindness and good will in an otherwise cruel and unforgiving world. It's easy for people to hate, but it takes a true hero to come forth and offer help where there was once only pain.

I believe that God sent you for the... hold on a second. There's another email from you here. It's from a half hour before this one. Let me open it now and see what's up. One second.

Um, The Subject heading is "ur website sucks!!!!" Is that right? Well, let's have a look at what points you bring to the table.

"UR WEBSITE SUCKS!SATAN SUCKS! JESUS ROCKS! FUCK YOU ASS HOLES!!!!!!"

Mysta Hernandez
mysta@sbcglobal.net

Oh - my - God.

I can't believe you'd say such a thing! You're just like all the others! You put on a big fake smiley-face when God's watchin' but the second His back is turned you scream at those you're supposed to be helping and tell them they're assholes who should FUCK OFF!

How can you do such a thing? How can you stand being that way? You're the kind of person who shits all over a dying orphan, then at the funeral you fall onto the casket and declare yourself his only true friend! You are the lowest scum of the earth, Mr. Hernandez and I am going to hate you until the END OF TIME!!!!!

God is ashamed of you.
Bob

Subject: WTF? God loves you!

Bob, I don't normally do this but I feel I must bring to your attention your brand of "humor" is not appreciated! Some Satanic chick posted your crap to our message board. It's blasphemy with a sugar coating and these things have serious eternal consequences!

What you're doing right now is a Sign of the Times. If you ever read that Bible before shitting on it (yeah, that's right! I cuss! deal with it.) you would have read your future written:

2 Peter 3:3 says first of all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. They will say, "Where is this `coming' he promised? Ever since our fathers died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation." But they deliberately forget that long ago by God's word the heavens existed and the earth was formed out of water and by water. By these waters also the world of that time was deluged and destroyed. By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men. But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

When I see your website I see a blasphemer, a deceiver and a lover of flesh. You may think you're all shits and giggles, but I've seen the caliber of the following you have. You dress like Satan, your fans mostly are Satanists and you make your living belittling the sacrifice of God. You're not a Satanist, eh? Maybe not in words, but certainly in actions.

Please reconsider your stance before it's too late. I know you already know the path to salvation and just need to get over that roadblock of pride.

Eric Johnson
werewolferic@canwetalk.com

Well, I certainly do not care for all the cussing you're telling me to deal with but I will address your letter anyhow, even though it blemishes the picture perfect Christian stereotype we've all grown accustom to.Yes Eric, I do think that I am all shits and giggles! And yeah, I am sayin' "Where is your precious Second Coming you all anticipate so eagerly?!? Where is your God when you need Him so desperately to satisfy your unquenchable thirst for the blood of your enemies?!? Huh? Huh?!?"

Your people have been heeding those warnings since the disciples gathered round Jesus and looked up his dress as He flew up into the clouds up to heaven. And still to this day that crazy homeless man in the sandwich board stands on the corner of 14th and Lafayette promising me that the end is still very very near. Where is your God, Eric? Where is He hiding?

And what of me? Blasphemer, deceiver & lover of the flesh. Why does your Christ-messiah run from my challenge? Perhaps He is not as brave as you have been told? Perhaps He is not the Lamb of God, but in fact the Chicken of God? "Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!"

And even though I don't believe Satan exists I still believe that he could totally kick Jesus' ass in a bear knuckle street brawl. Hell, Mel Gibson already made that movie. No contest.

Bring it on Eric. Summon this "God" you bow down to and read Him that verse you wasted on me. He's the one who needs to be reminded, not me!

Ready like Freddy.
Bob