may be a bit busy lately and the updates aren't quite as often as
they normally are but I swear to you I'm still taking pictures of
Amazing Strangers, answering hate mail and working on new episodes
Salvation. The holiday season is keeping me busy too, keeping
stores stocked with magnets
and filling orders to all of you. Thank you.
some more hate mail to put a smile on your face.
letters will be in blue while mine
are in black and white.
are a ..blah... blah... blah... how disrespectful.. blah...blah...blah...
Our Lord Jesus .. blah... blah... blah... should be ashamed ..blah...
blah... blah... died for your sins ..blah... blah... blah... it's
in the Bible .. blah... blah... blah... people like you ..blah...
blah... blah... burn in Hell ..blah... blah... blah... have more
faith ..blah... blah... blah... your eternal Soul ..blah... blah...
blah... mock his death ..blah... blah... blah... blaspheme our Lord
..blah... blah... blah... don't Hate you .. blah... blah... blah...
you are sick .. blah... blah... blah... pray for you .. blah...
blah... blah... the Second Coming ..blah... blah... blah... take
down this website .. blah... blah... blah... you are a stinking
#&^?**^!$ ..blah... blah... blah... Come on Bob ..blah... blah...
blah... We Christians ..blah... blah... blah... Eternal Paradise
..blah... blah... blah... if you believe .. blah... blah... blah...
Creep .. blah... blah... blah... Loser .. blah... blah... blah...
the above qualifies this email for Hate Mail.
I think your website is the greatest. Love the Hate Mail and your
responses. You are not just helping to dispel Fear, Ignorance and
False Hope. You are helping people to think for themselves. (Something
that our friend Jesus discouraged at every opportunity - "Have Faith",
"be like little children", he should have added "be stupid and you
may enter My Kingdom")
my favorites (there are so many) is your letter to the Abortion
Debaters. I have printed this out and stuck it on my wall. Made
one small change. Added "(Miracles)" just after "card tricks".
continue your good work. Save us from Ignorance. Save us from Fear.
Save us from Jesus.
your best and truest friend in the whole wide world: The Belligerent
Fetus! Ok, that was a bit of an overstatement. Anyhow...I just don't
get it, Bob. How oh how can you manage to keep writing funny responses
to hate mail after all this time, page after page? You manage to
keep turning the most hatefully ignorant intellectual garbage into
the funniest and most insightful reading. You still got it, Bob.
I especially love the little cartoons you send in response sometimes.
Funny. As. Hell. No, funnier!
for helpin' me get through the days. You rock. If you ever find
yourself in the San Diego area, we should hang out and laugh at
The Belligerent Fetus
you dont believe in God, why do you think you are Satan?
Subject: your not
please send this
to whoever is in charge of your web page.
i was looking for
a quote for my essay on Jesus and His times when i saw the
horrible thing you did to Him in your drawing.
do you have any
idea of who you are messing with? you should know God is the
most powerful and good in the universe and your treating him
like hes some sort of criminal who should be laughed at.
also, i think you
have a big problem dressing up like Satan like you do. if
you dont believe in God, why do you think you are Satan? im
telling you right now, if any person came to earth saying
he was Satan, id say he was a bit crazy.
ill be praying
for you and your soul bob, because you may not believe it,
but i love you and i care about you!!!!!!!
yours in God,
Okay, you've asked
some very good questions and raised some excellent points
about God. Let me start by saying that the reason I think
I am Satan is because I look so goddamn much like him. Have
you seen me? The resemblance is uncanny!
I've never felt
an overwhelming lust to commit evil, but Christ, the mirror
doesn't lie. And Belnini, I am not crazy. I'm quite normal,
actually. My favorite food is peanut butter, I don't have
any traffic tickets, I collect dreamcatchers and I like looking
at ladies in their underwear.
You should not
judge others simply by how they look, Belnini. Maybe that's
something your God tells you you should do, but that isn't
what I believe. I believe that it is wrong to judge people
by how they look, and for that alone He deserves the "horrible
thing" I've done to Him.
I will pray to
Satan (me) that your God stops teaching you to judge people
by how they look.
25 Oct 2004 19:31
god still has fate in you
Subject: god still
has fate in you
Jesus christ forgives.i
just want god to help you and save you.you can put this on
your website under hatemail but you are loved by god.you are
just crying out for help.god will help you.you should know
if you were raised by christians that satan is a devil and
doesn't deserve to be worshiped.please get help.if you don't
then god will send help to you.
god bless you
Wow. Thank you.
This is just what I needed. After all the yelling and hurtful
emails I receive this was a real relief. Finally someone for
once showing a bit of kindness and good will in an otherwise
cruel and unforgiving world. It's easy for people to hate,
but it takes a true hero to come forth and offer help where
there was once only pain.
I believe that
God sent you for the... hold on a second. There's another
email from you here. It's from a half hour before this one.
Let me open it now and see what's up. One second.
Um, The Subject
heading is "ur website sucks!!!!" Is that right? Well, let's
have a look at what points you bring to the table.
25 Oct 2004 19:01
"UR WEBSITE SUCKS!SATAN
SUCKS! JESUS ROCKS! FUCK YOU ASS HOLES!!!!!!"
Oh - my - God.
I can't believe
you'd say such a thing! You're just like all the others! You
put on a big fake smiley-face when God's watchin' but the
second His back is turned you scream at those you're supposed
to be helping and tell them they're assholes who should FUCK
How can you do
such a thing? How can you stand being that way? You're the
kind of person who shits all over a dying orphan, then at
the funeral you fall onto the casket and declare yourself
his only true friend! You are the lowest scum of the earth,
Mr. Hernandez and I am going to hate you until the END OF
God is ashamed
dress like Satan, your fans mostly are Satanists and you
make your living belittling the sacrifice of God.
Subject: WTF? God
Bob, I don't normally
do this but I feel I must bring to your attention your brand
of "humor" is not appreciated! Some Satanic chick posted your
crap to our message board. It's blasphemy with a sugar coating
and these things have serious eternal consequences!
What you're doing
right now is a Sign of the Times. If you ever read that Bible
before shitting on it (yeah, that's right! I cuss! deal with
it.) you would have read your future written:
2 Peter 3:3 says
first of all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers
will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires.
They will say, "Where is this `coming' he promised? Ever since
our fathers died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning
of creation." But they deliberately forget that long ago by
God's word the heavens existed and the earth was formed out
of water and by water. By these waters also the world of that
time was deluged and destroyed. By the same word the present
heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the
day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men. But do not
forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is
like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand
slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish,
but everyone to come to repentance.
When I see your
website I see a blasphemer, a deceiver and a lover of flesh.
You may think you're all shits and giggles, but I've seen
the caliber of the following you have. You dress like Satan,
your fans mostly are Satanists and you make your living belittling
the sacrifice of God. You're not a Satanist, eh? Maybe not
in words, but certainly in actions.
your stance before it's too late. I know you already know
the path to salvation and just need to get over that roadblock
Well, I certainly
do not care for all the cussing you're telling me to deal
with but I will address your letter anyhow, even though it
blemishes the picture perfect Christian stereotype we've all
grown accustom to.Yes Eric, I do think that I am all shits
and giggles! And yeah, I am sayin' "Where is your precious
Second Coming you all anticipate so eagerly?!? Where is your
God when you need Him so desperately to satisfy your unquenchable
thirst for the blood of your enemies?!? Huh? Huh?!?"
Your people have
been heeding those warnings since the disciples gathered round
Jesus and looked up his dress as He flew up into the clouds
up to heaven. And still to this day that crazy homeless man
in the sandwich board stands on the corner of 14th and Lafayette
promising me that the end is still very very near. Where is
your God, Eric? Where is He hiding?
And what of me?
Blasphemer, deceiver & lover of the flesh. Why does your Christ-messiah
run from my challenge? Perhaps He is not as brave as you have
been told? Perhaps He is not the Lamb of God, but in fact
the Chicken of God? "Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!"
And even though
I don't believe Satan exists I still believe that he could
totally kick Jesus' ass in a bear knuckle street brawl. Hell,
Mel Gibson already made that movie. No contest.
Bring it on Eric.
Summon this "God" you bow down to and read Him that verse
you wasted on me. He's the one who needs to be reminded, not
Ready like Freddy.
More from Eric on next page