The Files of Mr. Tertius Wait
Happy Birthday to me.
His letters will be in blue while mine are in black and white.


At 3 a.m., I just read your account of you and Nessa at The Cube in Manhattan, and I fucking shrieked with laughter.

I found your site not long ago, and I'm richly enjoying every piece of it. I'm aspiring to have the guts you do in fighting against the brainless, dangerous people that I call "godders."

I like to think the current frantic nastiness of godders is a kind of last-gasp shudder of a dying belief system, but I worry that I might be wrong about that, and what we're actually experiencing is a godder takeover of America.

Either way, the days of the quiet, nice atheists is past, in my opinion. I think this is a time for atheist evangelism. We're either fighting against the godder takeover, or we're hastening the long-overdue death of that dangerous brain-maggot of a belief system.

Bravo for you, and everything you do.

And tell Nessa: You rock, lady! Don't ever change. :)

Hank Woofster

P.S.: I'm 51, and I live in upstate New York. I have a half-atheist/half something else blog: And I hope to meet you someday and shake your hand.

And oh, yeah, the "howdy" at the beginning of this email is part of my born- and- grew- up- in- the- Deep- South self. Not everyone there is a moron; it's just that the morons get the best press. :D

Hi Bob,
I just wanted to say thank you for your excellent, hilarious site, and for reminding all of us that we shouldnıt take ourselves so seriously.

Iıve been a born-again atheist ever since I took AP biology in 1986. No, scratch that. Iım an atheist largely because thatıs what my family has been for several generations, and I havenıt seen anything to convince me that theyıre wrong. However, I did give religion a chance (out of rebellion?) when I was in Junior High and High School, and just couldnıt get past the fact that even the very liberal church that I was attending (United Church of Christ) really wanted me to believe in something that makes no logical sense. Then, I studied ancient Roman, Greek and Egyptian culture and religion, and read several excellent biology, physics and psychology textbooks. After that, I just had to laugh at how truly gullible we are as a species. A God designed us in His image? Sure, and if you clap your hands really hard, Tinkerbell wonıt die!

Nowadays, as a 33-year-old working mom, Iıve come to view religion as some kind of species-wide delusion that most human beings cling to as a survival mechanism. I try to view the religious with sympathy and understanding rather than fear or disgust, because I recognize that the reality of human existence can be difficult and painful to face. I wish I could say the same for the way the religious view those of us who do not share their delusion.

Iım always amazed (and just a bit offended) when a religious person asks me how I can live without any moral values or meaning in life. Whuhh? So youıre assuming that just because I donıt believe that an imaginary daddy in the sky told me not to kill my neighbor, I must think that killing my neighbor is OK? No, I think itıs wrong to kill my neighbor because I THINK ITıS WRONG TO KILL MY NEIGHBOR. Nobody had to tell me that killing was wrong. In fact, if you were to poll an equal number of atheists and members of the religious right, Iım guessing youıd find that a lot more of us are anti-killing (i.e. anti-death penalty, anti-hunting, anti-war) than them.

And as far as meaning in life is concerned, Iıve found all the meaning that I need. Please see the attached photo of me (when I was very pregnant) with my wonderful lesbian older sister, and the other photo of me and my sweet little son. Iım sure that he wonıt need a ³God² to tell him not to kill his neighbor either.

Thanks for your time, and keep up the good work!
Love, Joanna

P.S. A final thought from one of my favorite celebrity atheists, Joss Whedon: ³If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.² -Angel.

Haha! Goddamn, Bob, isn't it great that nearly every Christian that comes upon your site does so with such shame that they MUST mention they did it unintentionally?

"I found your site when I searched for Jesus. I mean, I really just stumbled upon it. I would never visit a site like this on purpose. I LOVE Jesus." (Translated, of course, into acceptable English.) It's beautiful. It's consistent. It's the best.

Good luck with hustlin', Bob. I'll be up to help you sometime. Keep fighting the good fight.

Andrew Wright

P.S. If this seems a little informal, I apologize. I've visited your site regularly for about ten of the twelve months I've owned a home PC. I'm almost certain it isn't, though. This apology is really for my sake.

“Get a grip man, it is blasphemous to God and that is punishable!”

Subject: What????

I think it is totally wrong how can you create a fridge magnet with Jesus and then dress him up as a devil, What is wrong with you people!!

I am totally disgusted with what you are doing!! I hope and pray that you will discontinue the product!!!!! Get a grip man, it is blasphemous to God and that is punishable!

Mr Tertius Wait

Mr. Tertius Wait,
First of all, it isn't "you people," it's just one guy here doing all of this work. Me. Bob! Nobody else. Well, except for the people who complain to the site. Their work is a good portion too. But besides them it's all me! So get it right.

Next, you asked how I could make such a blasphemous fridge magnet set that is punishable by God? I suppose I'm a lot like those guys who leap off of bridges on bungie cords or scale the sides of buildings with suction cups. I'm very courageous, to the extent that taunting and teasing God is no different than, say, feeding a dog a spoonful of peanut butter and laughing at the stupid looking results.

All you have to do is think of it in a smaller context like that and anything is possible! But I'm also braver than your average guy. Start small! Start with teasing a big dog in a cage, then a guy in a pickup truck, and before you know it you'll be jabbin' God in the side with a stick!

At least try! Because, like Whitney Houston said: If you fail, or if you succeed at least you did what you believe.
And say nope to dope!


“I disagree and thats that”

I disagree and thats that
i hope you that you stop this madnes but if you dont im not going to do anuything about it, you are in God's hands my friend
Please i ask for your sake to stop.

I am also not here to fight with you im here to let you know that it is wrong to curse God and that i disagree in what you are doing. so please it is up to you now.

Mr Tertius Wait

Don't worry about me man. I'm ready for whatever God's got to dish out. He doesn't scare me. Not for a second!

Must I remind you that I've been teasing God like this for almost 4 years now and I don't see what all of the fuss is about. Like, yesterday after I said all of that stuff to you comparing God to my dog that I feed peanut butter for laughs, you wanna know how God retaliated? He sprinkled a little rain shower on me. I had to go under an awning for like 10 minutes to get away. Oh I'm SOOO scared! And ever since I posted Jesus Dress Up on the Internet the worst He's been able to manage is giving me an irritating sunburn that lasted about a day and a half, and I locked myself out of my apartment once (my neighbor had to buzz me in).

Now, either God ain't that tough or He's scared to really let loose on me because He knows if He REALLY pisses me off then I'd make a Dress Up page that'd bring down the whole Christian faith!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! What's it like worshipping a scaredy-cat, Tertius? My advice to you is next time you're prayin' ask your God to create a bigger set of balls for Himself... unless He's scared that I'm gonna stuff 'em down His throat!

Wow. What an interesting question! Can God make His balls so big that they couldn't fit down His own throat? Quite a brain-teaser.


“how do you think this earth came to existacne, God of cource nothing else has got the Power to create someting this big.”

I just want to say that i hope God Bless you so much that you will relize that he is the thrue and only God, the Creator of everything there is, creator of earth, myself and you, how do you think this earth came to existacne, God of cource nothing else has got the Power to create someting this big.

Now that we are talking i would like to ask you some questions
1. Why do you hate God somutch?
2. Why do you tease God, he loves you man.
3. Will you let me pray for you sothat God will give you a sign that he exists? and i promise you God will show you!
Please just give this one chance in live to find out if God is real or not (God will show you) and if you see the sign will you eccept Jesus as your savior then you can enherit eternal life!

Ps I would like to continue our conversations if you like, otherwise i will not bother you again

God Bless you my Friend
Mr Tertius Wait

Okay, so clearly you do not recognize the jokes that I am making.

You see Tertius, I do not believe that God exists at all. There does not have to be somebody there who created everything. That's a simpleton's explanation. When a moron sits down and thinks of how a building or a tree came to be he will usually explain that just appeared there and was made by somebody with magical powers. Things do not magically appear in the blink of an eye from the fingertips of supreme beings. Just like in real life, things come about over periods of time, growing from the ground up. Usually the more complicated a thing is the longer it takes to make. Like for instance it can take many months to build a building or years (even centuries) for a tree to grow. Did you know that the oldest tree is almost 5,000 years old? Can you imagine how old the earth must be?

An educated person will tell you that it took many people many months/years to plan and construct that building, and the tree took thousands of years to grow into the sky from just a seed. Have you ever looked inside of seed Tertius? There is no pixie embryo or pulsating glowing egg inside. No. Inside of a seed is the basic ingredients that when mixed with water, sunlight and soil makes a tree! Life!

That's what we are too Tertius. The basic ingredients put together to make life. We are not made of some foreign substance from another galaxy. We're made up of all the same ingredients that are in everything else here on planet earth. In fact, this is how everything is, and we've evolved together over time, millions and millions of years without any need for a God whatsoever. The God that you think loves you and me is in your imagination Tertius. It's something you've been told is real when in all actuality it is not.

You know what you should do Tertius? You should throw your bible in the garbage and instead of reading it you should read a book called "The Lucifer Principle" by Howard Bloom. It explains things much better in regards to how we got here and the ways science proves these things to be true.

If you really want to know the truth with scientific explanations and common sense then this is what you should be doing. However, if you're fine with things that don't make sense and have nonsensical explanations then the bible is exactly what you should be reading.

So I do not hate God. I simply think He is imaginary.
What else would you like to know?


“i know you dont beleve in God but i just want to ask you to give God 2 weeks to give you a sign”

Hi Bob,

First of all i would like to know where are you from and what you do for a living? Im from South Africa (Cape Town City)and im 24 and My home Language is Afrikaans i am a Project manager in a Programming company. reason why i ask is, we have not realy introduced ourselfes and dont realy know anything from eachother.

Then to come back to our discution. I also think that science can explain some. ok i know you dont beleve in God but i just want to ask you to give God 2 weeks to give you a sign, a big change in your life and i need you to say to God, (God of Isreal if you are there show me, give me a sign?) but please i need you to say it out loud in the privacy of your own room or something. it will not hurt anyone to try and see.

ill be praying for you these 2 weeks and i hope if you stay with your belief that there is no God that we could still write to eachother.

Your Friend
Mr Tertius Wait

Hello again Mr Tertius,

I am in New York City and I am a freelance graphic artist and I just turned 35 yesterday.

You are not the first to present this 2 week God-test to me. God must really enjoy being tested, there have been many who think this is a valid way to prove God's existence. I am far beyond that point now and anyone can tell you that attributing good fortune to God and bad to Satan is an immature, uneducated way to dissect life.

Mr Tertius Wait, I have been defiling God's good name for almost 4 years now and you wanna know something? There has been a significant change in my life since I began... for the better! I am now living in the best city in the world working for myself doing what I love without a boss, and lucky enough to still get a date every few months. I think that this can be quite clearly taken as a sign from God that what I am doing is indeed good because clearly God does not exist.

You want to know something else? Just for the fun of it, I said aloud the words: "God of Israel if you are there show me, give me a sign!" and not 20 minutes later Urban Outfitters emailed me a substantial order of my appalling, grotesque, sacrilegious Jesus Dress Up fridge magnets for their UK stores! I'm so inspired I think I'll hand out more of my "God is Fake" fliers at St. Marks this evening!

The signs couldn't get any clearer than that!
Thanks Mr Tertius!


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