Okay, now I'm Jewish. Please bear with me while I work through this bizarre “fluctuation of beliefs” phase I seem to be going through.

Their emails will be in blue while mine are in black and white.

Subject: You're not really an atheist, are you?

(Not a true picture. Instead I chose an image of my dream girl)

Excuse me, Bob (or Nathan), I have seen a most interesting documentary recently that debunks your so-called atheism. (You just know e-mails are going to suck when it starts with "I have seen a most interesting documentary...")

Anyway, this particular one was called, "Taboo" and it was on National Geographic. It was about Wiccans, and showed a most unusual character- Nathan. You see, I would normally have skipped over it due to my complete lack in documentaries, but this Nathan was most interesting. He seemed like a double of you! Not in the current bald state you happen to be in, but in the orangish hair state I believe happened several years ago. This Nathan character had your nose, your eyes and your frame... and he was a Freelance Artist!

Now, I try to rationalize most things, but this was just too much. How could you, a supposed atheist, be a Wiccan? How could this Wiccan be so similar to you? Did you change religions and keep your atheist persona for purely financial reasons? Or is there some kind of obscure Bob clone out there performing spells and dancing around like a mad man in his underwear?

The plot thickens.
From your friendly neighbourhood maniac, Crystal Derangon

So, somebody finally saw my National Geographic doc. I knew it wouldn't be long before someone who had visited my web site stumbled accross that show and gave me a hard time about it.

I dropped the atheism thing a year or two ago and got into Wiccan pretty hard-core. It was totally liberating and exactly what I needed after that starched-collar cynical atheist rant I was on. Christ, what a relief that was! I debated whether or not to even mention it on the NormalBobSmith site, but I knew that all of my loyal fans would probably not take to the "Nathan the Wiccan" persona too kindly. So I dropped the "Normal Bob" thing in my day to day life and freed myself from those atheist demons that haunted me. It was the most rewarding and fulfilling experience of my life.

But don't worry about me Crystal, I'm not some Wiccan poser (or atheist poser, haha!) No way. I've totally dropped any association I once had to all those Christian names and adopted my true Muslim identity: "Abdul Baha Mundi". I've seen the truth and am through living under the oppression of the white man.

Oh! And keep an eye out for another special I'm involved in, a public access reality show titled- "Real Muslim Life". It's something I've been workin' on here in Queens for the past few months. You'll finally get to see the real deal of what us Muslims have to deal with and the trials we face in your "free" country. Praise Allah!

Thank you for the email.
Abdul Baha.

 

“Perhaps I'm being presumptuous, but I suppose you are Jewish”

As a Catholic (and not an uptight one by any stretch of the imagination) I am highly offended by your Dress Up Jesus bullshit. You must be mightly ignorant if that's all you can come up with regarding humor...and how sad for you to think that the crucifixion of Jesus Christ was something humorous.

Perhaps I'm being presumptuous, but I suppose you are Jewish...if so, why not do one of a Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the "Lubovitcher...after all, everyone wants equal time don't they? Or do you reserve your ignorance for Christians only?

Get a life!
Bebe la Strange
ciara43@hotmail.com


Oh you ignorant bastard! How dare you suggest such a thing to do to a Rabbi! There is no excuse for such blasphemy and I suggest you think about how you'd feel if somebody made something similar of one of your Christian Sunday school teachers! Ha ha ha! How do you like that? Not so funny when the shoes on the other foot, is it?

Maybe next time you'll think twice before you fly off the handle and take your frustrations out on someone else's beliefs, because there is nothing more catastrophic than insulting a person's religion. I hope now you see the devastation you've left in your path.

Good day to you!
Bob


“Some of you Jews better start realizing that people aren't going to put up with your bullshit”

You truly are a MORON!! Your response to me doesn't even make any sense - it's ok to mock the crucifixion of Christ...but not ok to do that to a Rabbi? That would be blasphemy? By the way, Catholics don't have Sunday school teachers.

I flew off the handle because of your ignorant Dress Up Jesus - you insulted all Christians with that but then you get sensitive about a Rabbi? What's good for one has got to be good for the others...we're working on a Dress Up the Rabbi as we speak...coming soon to a PC near you!!!

Some of you Jews better start realizing that people aren't going to put up with your bullshit - you're gonna get back whatever you dish out.

Stop whining
Bebe la Strange
ciara43@hotmail.com


Oh! That does it! Don't you dare post that Rabbi Dress Up! If you do I'll... I'll... I don't know what I'll do... but you can bet it'll be serious and very big! You Catholics are so stupid! You and your stupid Jesus Christ and all His stupid miracles! Why don't you go choke on a rosary?!?

Us Jews are gonna show you a thing or two when there's no Second Coming and we all get the highest thrones in Heaven next to OUR God! It'll be such a blast bossing around you Catholics up there in Heaven with your little second class wings and plastic halos! We'll have the last laugh! You can bet on that!

Now go fetch my yarmulke, Christ-lover!
Bob


“I have only one word for you...HITLER! It's becoming quite obvious that he had his reasons.”

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. I've got more class then you so I won't stoop to insults regarding your religion. I choose not to think that I'm better or worse then anyone else just because we believe in different things. You, on the other hand, are ignorant...by the way...Catholics and Jews believe in the same God...it's Christ and the New Testament where we differ.

Do what you will with your ridiculous behavior and anti-semetic remarks. You Jews are the first ones screaming anti-semetic when something is done to you yet you choose to do the same to others. Get a life.

I have only one word for you...HITLER! It's becoming quite obvious that he had his reasons.

Bebe la Strange
ciara43@hotmail.com


Holy Smokes! It didn't hardly take any prodding on my part to get you to side with the Nazis! Maybe you should change your slogan to: "I choose not to think that I'm better 'then' anyone else just because we believe in different things... except for those Jew bastards! Praise Hitler!"

I appreciate the effort you made not to insult my religion. Now I long to put my wiener into your dark hole.
Please forward nudes.
Bob

Bob is fake!”

Bob is fake!

Lynn Michelle Thomas
lmichellt@fament.com


Oh no! Who told?!?!


“If shock tactics and rough language is okay, then you can allow me the same. ”

Hmmm. Looks like I got your attention. You can't be too upset at me, since it is the kind of shock tactic you would use, right? If shock tactics and rough language is okay, then you can allow me the same.

Lynn Michelle Thomas
lmichellt@fament.com


“Yes, I am Lynn Michelle Thomas, and not at all embarassed if you put me on your website”

Anyhow, hi, Bob, fake or not. Yes, I am Lynn Michelle Thomas, and not at all embarassed if you put me on your website. No, I don't hate you, and yes, you are being fake.

Lynn Michelle Thomas
lmichellt@fament.com


“If you're really Mr. Cool, you'd answer, instead of just posting me on your website.”

Ha. You are so tough, aren't you? If you're really Mr. Cool, you'd answer, instead of just posting me on your website.

Lynn Michelle Thomas
lmichellt@fament.com


Okay. Stop! I can't take it! The rough language to upset me... it's too much!

You most certainly got my attention! Taking my own shock tactics and turning them back around onto me is quite the clever plan. Where did you come up with this? I tip my hat to you Lynn Michelle Thomas. You're a sassy hell cat... with claws!

Please don't let the news out that I'm fake. I am a fake. The jig is up. But only partially fake. You see, yes, I don't really believe what I claim I believe, BUT I am also ready for the punishment God has in store for me to make up for the lies I'm spreading.

Please, Lynn Michelle Thomas, you must explain to me how you solved the riddle of my site; exposing me for the fake that I am. I am truly impressed.

Bob

“I find your website very offensive... I'm very offended.”

Subject: offensive

I find your website very offensive. I can't believe anyone would do such a thing. I'm very offended.

Tallstar32@aol.com


Thank you very much for taking part in this survey. I will be filing your email under the category of "Very offended" (which falls between the folders "Kinda offended" and "Very VERY offended").

Unfortunately for you these three folders of feedback are sub folders within a main folder titled "Trash can".

My condolences.
Bob

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