My parents gave me the greatest gift a teenager could recieve! 4
bullshit filled years at an all girls catholic school! (just what
i wanted! *sniff*) i found that the bible was pretty good for a
few things though...
the papers were just the right, thin consistency for rolling papers!
yeah- they were grrreat if you- say- refused to go to attend school
mass every friday because you have a brain, and instead chose to
spend your time reading ACTUAL great literature (kafka, rimbaud,
bukowski) and smoking in the girls room. the paper was also good
for tearing out and 1) putting your gum in. throwing away. (those
damn catholics at my school were notorious for sticking gum under
the desks! man, i HATE that! 2) passing a note to your friend across
the classroom to call out your nun/teacher for making questionable
and anti semetic slurs. 3) origami!!!
was something, bob, i thought i should point out to you which is
sort of a glaring omission in my eyes.
believe that all the babies go straight to heaven because they are
born innocent. So one who is lucky enough to die gets the free pass
to an eternity of heaven's bliss. I suppose that the free pass is
revoked upon that baby committing its first sin."
no no, my dear. no lucky pass given, because catholics believe in
a nifty little concept called "original sin"! what is original sin?
inherited by all descendants of Adam; "Adam and Even committed the
original sin when they ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of
sin (-rj-nl sn)
to Christian theology, the condition of sin that marks all human
beings as a result of Adam's first act of disobedience.~
bob, you me and everyone else are born straight into hell! scary,
isnt it? no "too young to have commited a sin", no tabula rasa theory.
because of someone, supposedly, a loooong time ago that you couldnt
possibly be related to or have anything to do with their actions,
you have sinned. and sinned HARD apparantly.
had me baptised. did i have a choice? nah. was it MY tiny voice
accepting jesus into my heart. nope. so did it count? i sure dont
think so. i was also forced to make my confirmation in the 7th grade
(i HAD to...i had a cure concert hanging over my goddamn head!).
i had to, this time, actually SAY i accepted jesus into my heart.
but did i mean it? did i believe it? i sure as shit didnt. i just
wanted to go see the cure, man!
an agnostic then, as i am now but sometimes people feel compelled
to lie to avoid persecution. ie; the jews, blacks, gays, germans
who believed hitler was wrong, etc in nazi germany. almost everyone
except the nobility and members of the clergy during the spanish
inquisition. (by the way, i guess being one of the head inquisitors,
killing and torturing thousands of people doesnt neccessarily damn
you. in my town- noo yawk city- theres a church my parents go to
called St. Vincent Ferrer. mr. ferrer had the distinguished title
of 'head inquisitor' for a while.
they canonized him a saint.)
more...much more, actually. but you knew that, didnt you, bobby
put whitey tightys on my God.
I dont mean to
be nit picky. But i find the idea of making a paper doll out
of my God to be a bit disturbing. Im sure youve gotten thousands
of emails like mine, but i couldnt live with myself without
telling you that this is just awful. I like fun, i like paper
dolls, i like cool internet sights, but you put whitey tightys
on my God. My God. Couldnt you pick someone else? Ugh. Im
not very sorry if i offended you. I hope you will take my
proposition of picking another paperdoll character. I mean
honestly, email me back and ill send you a picture of myself
to make a paperdoll out of instead. I promise.
thanks for your
Let me run this
by you: Don't you think it's a bit strange that its even possible
for someone to put tighty whities on a god? I mean, you've
actually made a god out of someone that can be drawn? You
worship a man, and you think that a man can be a god? Isn't
that a bit odd?
To me it seems
clearly peculiar. To think that any man is god is so obviously
wrong to me. I don't understand how everyone doesn't see this.
What makes you any different than the people who worshipped
David Koresh or Jim Jones? Do you actually think that Jesus
created the universe?
For anyone to worship
some god that can actually be depicted in a drawing or statue
or tiki... well, it just goes to show that many people haven't
evolved as far as they should have by now.
I'm not offended
in the least. I'm used to the wacky letters. I had a bushman
email me the other day telling me not to mock the shiny rock
he'd found because its magic beams keep the sun happy. But
please, send me your picture anyhow!
be sortof mad if you put little whitey tightys on the
picture of my grandfather.
I am appauled
to hear that you mocked someone's shiny rock. Especially one
with magic sunbeams. So cruel. So heartless.
Well you are completely
correct about putting whitey tightys on my God. I wrote my
last email hastily because i didnt actually expect anyone
to write back. I was, however, overjoyed to see that you did.
And so i will clarify.
I do not wake up every morning and bow down to the little
cartoon jesus i printed off of your website. You might meet
some people who do. Id love to hear of them. The cartoon and
all other crosses, etc are simply representations of our God.
I have this black
and white picture of my grandfather. When i look at it i think
about how much i love my grandfather. I dont love the picture
itself, just my grandfather. Its the same way with little
cartoon Jesus. In the same way id be sortof mad if you put
little whitey tightys on the picture of my grandfather.
Second of all,
yes Jesus was a man. Im sure youve heard the story. He was
God in man's form who came down to make it possible for men
who are by nature bad, to have a relationship wiht God who
is by nature good. He's a really good go-between. He was perfect
and there are tons of dusty manuscripts from different religions
that tell about the miracles he preformed.
Ill try not to
bore you with any other random explanations. I dont have a
picture with me, email me back and ill work on scanning one.
Id love to know what you believe. And id love to hear any
questions you have to make me think.
If you'd get upset
from someone putting tighty-whities on a photo of your grandfather
then you do have problems. I would not care at all if someone
took a picture of the person dearest to my heart and put little
cartoon briefs on them. Is this what people get upset over
nowadays? That girl who had her arm eaten off by a shark has
reason to be angry. You do not.
You need to recognize
your overly sensitive weakness and deal with it, and stop
telling people what they can and can't do because of it. Your
god has the same fucking problem... and it's annoying! Sheesh!