The Canadian Jasen Files
Part 2!

His emails will be in blue while mine are in black and white.

Here is a fan that sent me an email in regards to the Canadian Jasen Files.

James didn't include a picture of himself so I found this one of James playing the saxophone with money coming out of it on the Forth of July. I thought it was a neat thing.


I love your latest Hate Mail Page. Page 127, to be exact. It's a great example of someone who isn't thinking. "u" for you? "its" for it's? I know this is probably a little picky, but the first paragraph in his last letter to you on this page doesn't even hold itself up and his sources are so out of date that..... well, I'll quote it here:

"I'm sry that the verses couldn't do nethin for u, but to say that no respectable historian, scientist, or archeologist would consider this is ludacris. Back in the late 1800s the curator of archeology from the oakland california musesum of natural history was searching thru some old indian dwellings in a canyon in Arizona. On the walls of the canyon he discovered paintings done by the indians ancestors. These pictures were of an elephant, an ibex, a dinosaur, and other animals. Here are some quotes that Dr. Hubbard said about the dinosaur drawings. "Taken all in all, the proportions are good.", "depicted in the attitude in which man would be most likely to see it reared on its hind legs, balancing with the long tail, either feeding or in fighting position, possibly defending itself against a party of men (Verrill, 1954, pp. 155ff.), and The fact that some prehistoric man made a pictograph of a dinosaur on the walls of this canyon upsets completely all of our theories regarding the antiquity of man.... The fact that the animal is upright and balanced on its tail would seem to indicate that the prehistoric artist must have seen it alive" (1925, pp. 5,7, emp. in orig.)."

His first sentence is what's ludacris here. Maybe some fundie X-ian "scientist" would consider this crap, but not any reputable scientist, archeaologist, historian or otherwise. And quoting sources from the late 1800's, the 1920's and the 1950's? Please. Science nowadays has figured out how things have gone for the past 4 billion years. Basically.

I know I'm probably preaching to the choir here, but I just had to laugh at this kid's supposed grasp of science. If this is what he thinks is how things have gone, I am almost scared for the future of the human race. Even more so than I am now.

Anyway, I love your site. Keep it up, dude.

James Maehling.

Subject: Jasen's Brilliant Debating Skills

"I think it is funny that you can sit there and call me a bad debater when I was able to sit there and debate with you for an hour and fifteen minutes without even spent a second to get prepared."

I'm just writing to tell you that the second my brain processed this information, my body went into total impulse. I started shaking my head rapidly, and I grabbed the nearest object (my wallet) and I hit my forehead with it. The best explaination I can come up with is that everything in my body was trying to reject what I just read. I don't even know what your responce is to will be. I just thought you should know right away.

I'm still in awe at how dumbfounded I am.

Sean Nau.

“I'm sorry that the way that I write doesn't impress you”

Dear Bob

I'm sorry that the way that I write doesn't impress you, but if u want, then I can stop using abbreviations and start writing like I would for school. Speaking of school, don't try to act like just because I'm sixteen and still in High School doesnšt mean that I donšt know anything. I get straight A's, I'm in all honors classes and I have a GPA of 4.32, so don't try to act like you are so much smarter than I am. I have worked very hard to get to where I am so far in life, and if you look at all I've accomplished by the age of sixteen, then you might just be impressed.

I'm sorry that my life's experiences have only gotten me as far as you might like, and that I don't have an abundance of knowledge about what has happened in regards to the finding of dinosaur fossils and things like that. So if u would like, I can stop using websites, and I can use what I have been taught by people who I trust very much. However, if I do that, then my letters to you would go against what I have learned in school, because I would not be backing up anything that I state with fact. I'll let u make the call on whether or not I can use fact to back up what I am saying, but don't be a hypocrite and say that I can't use the Internet, and then send me websites that agree with what you're saying.

I will admit that in my first letter I did do a lot of copy and pasting, and in my last letter I paraphrased most of the things that I put in there. However, I want you to rest assured that I am only putting facts into my letters, I am not making up stories to try to make you think that I am right. I am not a storyteller and I won't lie to you to try to change your ways of thinking.

I think it is funny that you can sit there and call me a bad debater when I was able to sit there and debate with you for an hour and fifteen minutes without even spent a second to get prepared. I have talked to many different lawyers and they have all always stated that I would make a great lawyer, because I am such a good debater, so think what you want, but if youšre gonna say it to me, make sure what you are saying is right.

I do know that the female apes will mate with the strongest male that they can find, many animals are like that. Even though the female mates with the strongest male, that doesn't mean that the offspring will be even stronger. It makes me think of the athlete's that I have seen on TV doing a commercial for a company that is trying to raise money for autistic children or some other disease. These athlete's aren't doing the commercial out of the goodness of their heart, they are doing the commercial because they too have a child who is autistic or has that particular disease that the company is trying to stop. How does someone who has been given great talent by God have a child that isn't even stronger and better? It just doesn't support your theory, because we are supposed to be more advanced than the apes (and we are), but we don't always have better offspring like you would have me believe.

Yes, it has been theorized that that is how apes began to walk upright, but how do you begin to walk upright if your body hasn't been made to do so? And where are those species that are half man and half ape?

I'm not concerned with what has been theorized, because theories are proven wrong everyday, and it is only a matter of time before those same theories that you are giving to me will also be proven wrong. For example, a long time ago (I don't know the exact dates, because I am not using any other sources other than what is in my head) people thought that the world was the center of the universe. This theory was called the geocentric theory, then a man, I can't think of his name right now, discovered that the earth was not the center of the universe, but that instead, the sun is the center of the universe, this is known as the heliocentric theory.

Another thing that was once theorized is that the earth was flat. People actually believed that if u sailed your boat to the end of the earth, you would simply fall off of the side of the earth. It is now known that the earth isn't flat, and that you won't fall off of the edge of the earth.

Those are two accounts of theories that have been disproven over the course of time. So if you want, you can keep on putting theories into your letters and I can keep on refuting them. I don't have very much spare time, so if that's what you want to spend my time on, then go ahead. But I think that it would be a better use of my time, and yours, if we had conversations that actually matter.

Now Bob, when your readers read these letters, they can think what they want, I am not writing for them. It would b wonderful is someone's life was changed for the better by reading my letters, but that is not my point of focus. If my points make no sense, then y are people reading my letters?

I do, however, have a question for you about one of your points that you think make sense. How do you even know that an ape that walked upright ever existed? No one has ever seen it, there is no physical evidence that these "species" ever existed. So now you are letting someone else think for you, because I know that you did not come up with this theory. I am not attacking you and your beliefs, but you believe in all theories, none of which have any fact behind them.

From now on I will write properly, like I have done in this letter. If you want, you can send me the other letters back and I will fix them for you, so that you and your readers will have an easier time reading them. I abbreviate things not because I am stupid, but because it is faster to type like that when you are trying to talk to a bunch of your friends.

I'm sorry that you think that I don't think enough, and that I spend too much time lifting weights and playing football, but that is what I love to do, and I will continue to do so until I physically can't do it anymore. I'm sorry if you do not like that, but that's how it is, and maybe, according to you, my children will be better off because I lifted weights. So maybe you should start lifting too, so that our species can be made better because the our generation lifted weights, so we gave birth to stronger children.


P.S. I'm sorry, but the pictures that Courtney took did not turn out.

You're a straight "A" student? And all honors classes? Good God. I'm aghast at what's become of our educational system. You do realize that the word is spelled Y-O-U, right? I'm just making sure because you said that you were stopping with the abbreviations and it crossed my mind (while stumbling through your grammatical errors) that you might not know this.

About a year ago I met this girl whose name I kept misspelling. I started seein' her and I remember her making an issue out of this once when we were out to dinner at Outback Steakhouse. She had a weirdly spelled name! Anyways, we went back to my place that evening and I was fuckin' her real hard from behind, and then out of nowhere this smell hit me like a brick. I knew what it was the second the stench burnt my nostril. It was ass. Unwiped, black hole ass. It was unbelievable. I attributed it to the steak she had ordered. Sometimes a big dinner can get the bowels workin' overtime like that. I mean, she hadn't ever stunk like this before.

Needless to say I lost my hard-on. There was nothin' I could do. It was long gone. Completely.... and then some. So I laid back on the bed tryin' to figure out a way to get this foul smell out of my head... Christ, out of my home!
"What's the fuckin' problem?!?" She wasn't impressed with my performance, and things weren't getting any better.

"Are you a fuckin' faggot?!?" She yelled.
Christ, what the fuck was I gonna do?
"I'm not a faggot. This shit happens sometimes." I explained.
She stared at me with a psychotic glare, "Oh Christ, if you've got VD I'll fuckin' hate you so much!" She screamed.
"I don't have VD." I told her. "This shit happens sometimes. Give me a break!"
The oder of that horrid anus filled the room. How could she not smell this? How come the neighbors weren't complaining?

Then she whammied me. "Do you have fuckin' AIDS?"
Somehow the room got darker. There was no escape from her.
"If you got fuckin' AIDS I swear I'll send my ex boyfriend to come here and kill you."
No joke, that's what she said. What else could I do but come clean about her unclean butt? It was my only way out. This psycho bitch had to be told the truth. I buckled up and braced myself for this harpy to go rabid on me.
"I don't have AIDS. It's your ass. It smells like you haven't wiped." I stated clearly and bluntly.
Her jaw dropped. She'd given me no choice! What was going to happen next would be anybody's guess.

She freaked out and screamed, "I can't believe you just told me my ass stinks!"
"You gave me no choice!" I replied. "You would've left here pissed off tellin' everyone I was some AIDS ridden faggot with VD!"

Then she said, "You know what I'm gonna do?"
"Oh god. What." I thought.
"I'm gonna go tell everyone that you just told me my ass stinks!"
I suggested to her that she shouldn't do this because it would only reflect poorly on herself, but she stomped out and did it anyways. I found out later that she even went and had her friend smell her ass and it was fine. Whatever.

Unbelievably she called me the next day and said she was sorry and she'd made a chocolate cake for me to make up for everything. I'm no idiot. I knew she probably shit in the batter or something. Anyways, we never saw each other again.

So yeah, don't bother rewriting your letters. They're fine the way they are.

Crap, it's too bad about the pictures. I would have loved to have seen those.

Thanks anyway Jasen.

“I am sorry... I am sorry... I am also sorry”

Dear Bob,

I am sorry that I missed one abbreviation, I will try to not do it again. I am also sorry that it has taken so long for me to respond to this letter, but school started this week, and this week has just been kind of hectic.

I am sorry that you didnšt have much luck with that girl, but Išm sure that youšll find someone.

I have to go and do some more homework. Išll try to write more if I get some free time.



New Hate Mail
Canadian Jasen Files Part 1