how you love the
a collection of hate type letters that I've received in response to
Underneath each one of these letters is a smart alec retort written
Normal Bob Smith. Now laugh goddammit.
emails will be in blue while mine
are in black and white.
Cube is for losers. Anyone who hangs out there is a loser. What?
You hang there? Then you my friend are a loser. Of
course, right now it's pouring rain out there so anyone at the
Cube now is like a double-super loser.
You see, there are
these guys there who show off about being on the CosmoGirl's
"Boy-O-Meter" and modeling for Calvin Klein. They
pick up on 14 year old girls with their model-rap and sleep
with them too.
skaters with a
Jesus Dress Up flier
anyway, up town about 6 blocks from the Cube is Union
Square. In the past few months I've met cool people there,
handed out my fliers to many strangers, watched skateboarders,
brushed up on my Tai-Chi... and I almost got into a fight
with a model!
does know how to stand still on a skateboard
and pretend to know how to skate when girls are around, and
this really pisses off those who skate there (i.e. Skater Bob).
one of my friends there is a skateboarder. His name is
Bob too, so we call him Skater Bob. Skater Bob is very
opinionated on the subject of these models because they
also pretend to know how to skate, at least that's the
case with the model I almost got into a fight with. This
guy doesn't know how to skate and he doesn't practice
at Bob with his nastiest (yet still pretty) glare. Bob didn't
even grant him eye contact. It was a fun scene to behold.
one day the CosmoGirl Boy-O-Meter model is standing in
front of us and one of Bob's friends asks Bob for a light.
Bob hands him his lighter then he hands it back. Boy-O-Meter
then says to Bob's friend, "Ask this guy [Bob] if he can
give me a light too." The friend asks Bob and Bob hands
the lighter to the friend again (not model boy). The friend
says, "No, it's for him." and he hands the lighter back
to Bob. Bob simply hands the lighter back to the friend
a third time saying nothing, totally dissing Boy-O-Meter.
So the stage is
set. Us against them. Pretty boy poser-skater wannabes Vs
the non posers, cool group with personalities. Dirty looks
are periodically exchanged, loud mouth Skater-Bob has no reluctance
stating his opinion for all to hear (in his cockney Jersey
twang that I love), and status is claimed by dominating the
coveted front step position where we always sit. It's your
basic immature rivalry that makes for intriguing high-drama.
adorable Skater chick Dana coloring in a Jesus Dress
Up flier at Union Square.
This is what
led up to Near-fight day. On Near-fight day I was sitting
with just a couple of people: my friend Noah, the beautiful
Lady Ann, our friend Dana and a couple of others who
I don't even know the names of (no Skater-Bob or Venessa).
to my surprise Boy-O-Meter comes and sits right between
me and Lady Ann.
sure he thought he was going to show me "how it's done",
but I knew (from a conversation just minutes prior) that
Lady Ann was not interested, attracted, or even looking.
She was in fact a bit home sick and Boy-O-Meter couldn't
have cared less. Thus for the next 20 minutes what I was
about to overhear would be priceless.
with, "So, what's up?" spoken in his coolest jock-esque
monotone droll (think Sylvester Stallone... only less).
to say, his dull collection of "conversation starters"
failed miserably every time and I couldn't pry myself
away from eavesdropping.
Boy-O-Meter pretending to be a skater
Ann & yours truly
Ann doesn't speak much English (she is from Puerto Rico)
and I actually befriended her through Nessa (who is
also Puerto Rican).
Keep in mind that each time he spoke Lady Ann replied
with one word answers followed by a good 2 minutes of
"Look at that fat
lady." He would say, "She's a lard ass huh?"
bus went by with the Terminator 3 ad on the side so he
seized the opportunity; "That Terminator 3 movie looks
like it's going to be a good huh?"
Even a guy covered
from head to toe in tattoos couldn't drag a decent conversation
out of this moron.
"So, what do you think that guy's parents think about him
doin' that?" He inquired.
seen the squareness of that statement because he quickly followed
it up with, "You know what, I bet he doesn't even care what
his parents think huh?" ...and so on and so forth.
him Lady Ann refused his offer to go to the store with him:
"I'm goin' to the store. You wanna come with me?"
His trump card was rejected and after asking a second time
he gave up and strolled away rejected, his model looks not
pullin' through for him like they had in the past.
Well my friends,
you know me. I began to recap and mock the entire event just
as I would a Worst
Movie that can't be Missed, reopening the grotesque wounds
of failure and turning them into comedy for the amusement
of all within earshot (including Lady Ann). Laughter and reminiscing
filled the evening air and I was center stage telling the
tale in my best model-boy impersonation as only I could. I
was quite adorable.
the subject of my mockery was standing behind me appearing
very displeased with my unflattering imitation of him.
"What's up?" he grumbled (permanently establishing his catch-phrase).
"Oh, we were just reliving a very funny event that just happened
here." I replied.
"What's so funny?" he stated sounding precisely like the sportos
in my past who went to high school with me and shouldered
me in the hallways.
"Watching you try to pick up on Lady Ann and failing miserably.
It was very amusing." ...Well, he asked!
"I think that's
pretty uncool." He concluded.
"Um, I think we have a better idea of what's cool than you."
"Oh? You think you got a better idea of what's cool? I think
you're a punk!"
"I am a punk." I declared and stood up more that a foot taller
than him. "You wanna fight me?" I asked.
"I don't wanna fight you." He clucked.
Watching him crumble
before our eyes was a sad sight to witness. He slumped away,
hopefully learning the "mind your own business" lesson he needed
Noah (not a model)
if you don't wanna fight walk the fuck away." I demanded.
My friend Noah was making the same demands of him.
"I don't gotta go anywhere." Then he reminded us "It's
a free country."
"Oh, so now you want to be our friend? You wanna sit with
us and hang out with us?" His refusal to leave sent the
wrong message if you ask me. "If you don't want to fight
then walk away!" Noah and I yelled. "Don't hang out here,
and if you see us go somewhere else!"
Since then he's
kept his distance, only once spitting on the ground whilst
giving me a dirty look... then scampering off to the far end
of the square.
I've said it before,
I have an admitted prejudice against good-looking sporto white
guys and it ain't goin' away anytime soon.
I try to
be a better person but "their kind" is permanently labeled
in my psyche and their consistency still astounds me.
Skater Dana colors in a Jesus Dress Up flier at Union
Square on Near-fight day.
yeah, Union Square is where it's at.
you're making a
mockery of God, and you'l someday stand before him to be judged
for all you've done!!!!
do imagine that you are hoping JESUS has a sense of humor...
I do imagine that
you are hoping JESUS has a sense of humor...or else you are
most likely fearing that your ass might be burnt up in hell's
fire....good luck either way....c
Nope. You're wrong
on both guesses. I think I'm better than Jesus. You know;
stronger, smarter, braver. So no, there's no fear on my end.
You should ask your friend Jesus though. He's really clammed
up ever since I posted the site. I don't blame Him. I'm kind
i think this site
totally disrespects lord jesus christ!!!
p.s.(your an asshole)
know the proper way to phrase this sentence?
It isn't "Your
It's "You're an asshole!"
It's "You are an asshole" truncated! You see?
"You're an asshole!" Say it!
"You're an asshole!"
"You're an asshole!"
"You're an asshole!"
There. Do you
them out of depression and giving up on committing suicide,
thatąs Receiving Jesus
I guess you all will never experiment such peace that
is only found in Jesus.
I saw your site
and you know what? I think you are a stupid guy who has nothing
better to do with your life. You are afraid to believe in
Jesus cause you know that if you do you will have to follow
and become a better person which you definitely cannot.
I tell you something:
if there's one thing that I've seen saving peoples' lives,
taking them out of drugs and crime, making them better people,
taking them out of depression and giving up on committing
suicide, thatąs Receiving Jesus, not joining in a site and
saying: Jesus sucks. What good is that? If the entire world
followed what Jesus said to love one another, there wouldnąt
be wars, crime, and Mack, there wouldn't be people dying in
Jerusalem either. Real Christians do good, they try to help.
Now tell me: What good do you do? Gather bunch of empty-heads
in your site to speak bad about someone that teaches about
love? And even if Jesus wasnąt the truth (but he is), his
message is good, much better than yours. You should be ashamed
of spreading hate instead of love. Are you proud of it?
There are hundreds
of millions of people that will follow Jesus, how many will
And all you people
who agree with Bob, I bet you all feel an emptiness inside,
I bet you're not happy, you're frustrated, I bet sometimes
you wonder whatąs life all about, maybe you're into drugs,
alcohol or in anything that makes you feel secure, cause when
you face what you really are you know you are bunch of losers.
If you knew what
Jesus is all about, you wouldn't dare say what you say. He's
doctrine is so much more than going to church and trying to
be a saint. Itąs so fulfilling. Well, I guess you all will
never experiment such peace that is only found in Jesus. If
you ask him to show you if he's real, he'll do it.
And just correcting
you, Jesus didnąt say that everyone who didnąt believe in
him would go to hell. Everyone who had the chance to believe
but didnąt, will go to hell. He even said that even blaspheme
shall be forgiven, unless you blaspheme against the Holy Ghost
Bob, you will meet
Jesus sooner or later
Wait. You're telling
me that you've seen people receive Jesus and give up on committing
suicide? Wow, that's some powerful stuff. I suppose you're
right, I probably will never "experiment such peace". I guess
I am a stupid guy. You're a wise and observant person Ana.
Now you concluded
your email with something that sent a chill down my spine.
You said something in regards to blasphemy of the Holy Ghost
being unforgivable? Is that right? Does that even mean if
I pray a prayer specifically asking for forgiveness of that
one sin (Holy Ghost blasphemy) it WILL NOT be forgiven?
You see, the reason
I bring this up is because last weekend I was playin' Truth
or Dare with some friends of mine, and halfway through the
game I got dared to make a mockery of the Holy Ghost and his
good name. Not wanting to look like I was "chicken" I called
the Holy Ghost "unreliable" and a "Love Connection dud". So
needless to say your email left me a little troubled. Could
you elaborate a bit on that statement you made?
P.S. Oh yeah, I
also drew a smiley face on my privates and performed what
I've now titled "Mr. Holy Ghost Penis Puppet Parade on Ice!"
Let me know if that pertains to that verse in Mark as well.
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God bless you Sue.