Bob-
You are the finest example of good satire that I have ever had the pleasure of reading, and for this I salute you. I check your site for updates at least once a day... And I must say that you have one of the most intelligent minds that I have ever encountered.

Your talent for art, both digital and non is really amazing. I have been quite amazed every time I go into your gallery. I must tell you that your scorching beat down of the angry Christians reduces me into a state of orgasm. (Hate mail has been especially enjoyed) So Fuck yeah Bob.
Thank you for being a flower in a field of weeds.
Cayne
Their emails will be in blue while mine are in black and white.

Just ever so recently I happened across an old issue of Reader's Digest (Dec. 1999). I had forgotten about this quaint little publication and the delightful array of entertainment held within it's meek 5X7 frame.

It kept me entertained for hours, so what I'd like to do is share with you some of the thought provoking, every day life tribulations submitted by its readers reminding us that it's the simple things that make life so super neat.


Hoping to be accepted as a candidate for the priesthood in the Anglican Church of Canada, I underwent a day long series of interviews. Afterward I felt drained, even though I had won acceptance. My 13-year-old daughter had baked a cake for me with the message "Congrats, Mom."

I thanked her but asked, "What would you have done if I hadn't been accepted?"

"Simple" she replied. "I'd have removed the C-O-N-G."

Contributed by
Catherine Desloges


My seven-year-old cousin Allen told me that his best friend was Casey.
I asked if Casey had any brothers or sisters. "No." he replied. "He's single."
Contributed by
Kelsey L. Gorman

Laughter,
The Best Medicine

Q: What's the difference between a dry cleaner and a lawyer?

A: The cleaner pays if he loses your suit.
A lawyer can lose your suit and still take you to the cleaners.


Life's Like That

My fiancee and I feed the birds in my neighborhood. I once told her I'd heard that birdseed should be heated in the oven before being put out in the yard, to prevent the growth of unwanted plants from the spilled seeds.

She leveled a gaze at me and replied, "I don't mind feeding the birds, but I'm not about to cook for them."
Contributed by
Richard L. Mitchell,
Albuquerque, N.M.

Life's Like That
Calling my broker to receive some stock quotes, I got the automated telephone system instead. I was asked to state the name of the company in order to receive the stock quote.
Before I could say anything though, I sneezed. A moment later I received a price for Exxon.
Contributed by
Mary Graeber
Port Neches, Texas

Life's Like That

One afternoon I rushed out of the house, forgetting my keys, and found myself locked out. There was nothing I could do but wait for my husband to come home, so I went over to a neighbor who was outside raking leaves.

"You locked yourself out?" he said.
"Yeah. This is the second time since we moved in. After the first time we took an extra key and put it in a jar, then stuck it in a potted plant on the back deck."
"So what's the problem?"
"I took the plants in for the winter."
Contributed by
Adriena Desimone
Ephrata, PA

Cutting Edge
My red-haired 17-year-old daughter shaved the sides of her head, dyed the rest of her hair a burgundy color
and spiked the top. Suppressing my shock and dismay, I commented, "That's a bit different, isn't it?"
At school the next day, one of her friends asked, "What does your mom think of it?"
"Oh my mom's pretty cool. She doesn't mind it at all."
Puzzled, her friend then asked, "Why did you do it, then?"
Contributed by
Nancy Fairchild

“U CUM LICKING COCK SUCKING MOTHER FUCKING CHOAD LICKING BLACKASS HORNEY CHILD RAPIST NO DAMN GOOD DOG FUCKING COCK SMOKIN FATASS MOTHER FUCKER CRACKER TINY TIT LICKING HORSE FUCKING DIRTY TWAT WHORE FUCKING PROSTITUTE STRAIGHT FROM SUCKING A COWS PUSSY WHILE GETTING FUCKED BY A DOG”

U CUM LICKING COCK SUCKING MOTHER FUCKING CHOAD LICKING BLACKASS HORNEY CHILD RAPIST NO DAMN GOOD DOG FUCKING COCK SMOKIN FATASS MOTHER FUCKER CRACKER TINY TIT LICKING HORSE FUCKING DIRTY TWAT WHORE FUCKING PROSTITUTE STRAIGHT FROM SUCKING A COWS PUSSY WHILE GETTING FUCKED BY A DOG

Mazdarx765@aol.com


Aw Jeez. Do you really think my ass looks fat?

“your just the deavil”

you none jesus belivers your just the deavil

xx3dwwch1ckxx@yahoo.com


Hey Tonicea!

When I first received your email a couple of weeks ago I immediately scripted out a lengthy reply that included pie graphs, detailed illustrations & diagrams, a wide variety of brightly colored props and a power point presentation with an over-head projector.

Then, wouldn't you know it, I went and locked it all in the trunk of my car, including the keys. So instead of the original retort I had planned on giving you I've had to throw together something a little less formal. Here it is:

Eat me.

Bob

Subject: "JESUS CHRIST”

Subject: JESUS CHRIST

Did the subject scare you? You don't have to be afraid of him. Because that what I think you are. But like I said you don't have to. That is if you do not continue your bullshit of course.

Rik Blankestijn
r.blankestijn@chello.nl


Please stop emailing me. The subject scares me.

Bob

“...after reading many of the hate e-mails on your internet site this was my thoughts.”

I am a Christian and after reading many of the hate e-mails on your internet site this was my thoughts. This is to people, mainly Christians, sending hate e-mails, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

Zack Gall
zgall@LCMF.com


Wise words. Very wise words indeed.
Did you write that?

Bob


“No”

No, Jesus told that to the religious Jews that were about to stone an adulterous woman. No one could stone her.

Zack Gall
zgall@LCMF.com


Well it's a very brilliant thing to say... especially in my situation.
I suppose that I'm the "adulterous woman" in this scenario huh?
You seem very righteous. Thank you for your patience with me.


“I am not to tell people why there "wrong" and I'm "write"”

Well the thing is everyone in this world is the "adulterous woman". Everyone has messed up in one way or another. That's why it upsets me when I see Christians sending you hate mail like that, like somehow because what they believe makes them better than you and everyone else that doesn't believe what they believe. Do I agree with what you display on your website, no, but does that give me a right to hate and judge you, no. I am no better than you. I believe in Jesus and I believe He is the only way to God. Whether you believe that or not, that's your own decision. I mean why would I be somehow better than you, I screw up everyday, all the time, I am human. Yes I believe God will forgive me through Jesus' sacrifice. But I guess one thing I'm trying to say is that I see why you are so turned off to Christianity and allot of other people for that matter. Is when people say they believe in a God of love and then show no love who does not believe in that God? Why would you want to believe? I heard a good quote once and it went like this, "The single greatest cause to atheism in the world these days, are Christians who confess God with there mouths but deny him with there lifestyles."

That's a good truth. I believe in being like Christ and how He lived his life. I am not to tell people why there "wrong" and I'm "write", will that get anywhere, no. Jesus lived a life of love, showing it in everyway. By touching a man with leprosy, by going to dinner with a tax collector, by healing, etc.. So that's how I believe I should live, being a friend with that kid no one likes cause he dresses different, paying for a co-workers lunch, being a nice person. That's what I believe being a Christian should be, like Jesus. Whether you believe it or not, that's your decision.

Zack Gall
zgall@LCMF.com


Zach, you are an incredible human being. I am truly impressed by how nice you are and the quotes you've chosen to reflect your philosophy. It's clear that you've learned much in your many years on this planet and are a humble, wise, respectable, nice nice man. It is a courageous act to be so nice. You have succeeded in your goal.

I too have messed up on occasion. I would not go to lunch with the tax collector nor respond so maturely to those who believe different than I... and yes I do have an occasional beer every now and again when I'm relaxing with friends in my home. We are all human, no?

I have a little saying I made up that you might appreciate. This is something I say to those who come against me, judge me and voice they're hurtful wishes to me via email. I respond as follows: "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do."

Feel free to use my quote if you want to. I like it because I come off sounding both superior and merciful without looking like I'm officially judging anyone. It's great!

Bob

“every nee will bow and every tong will convess”

You are sick and will go to hell thay say every nee will bow and every tong will convess and you will burn

Barb Abner
barbabner88@msn.com


Yes Berb yuu ar veri smard tu kwote thet konfesseeng tongs skripter I wil bern 4 shur

Bob

“ thats mest up”

you are an asshole thats mest up

Char
char99@lvcm.com


Do schools still teach stuff anymore?

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