If there is some place to be in Manhattan, a place to hang out for free, it's The Cube at Cooper Union.

Any time of day (or night) people collect there; punk people, street kids, party kids, skaters, posers, runaways, homeless, crazies... oh yeah, vamps and ravers too (see diagram). And it's where Venessa and I were hangin' out the other day for all of the afternoon. Scene established? Okay good.

Now another semi-well known fact about The Cube is that it can be rotated. If you get 2 or 3 people at a corner of it pushing it can be turned clockwise or counter clockwise. It is something that is mostly done by out-of-towners. It is also something you don't do while people are sitting under it (which usually there are) because it will clonk those people in the head. Well, you get the picture... common courtesy... something that many tourists lack.

So underneath the cube is where we're sitting when suddenly we are surrounded. Surrounded by 50 or so high school students, their accompanying parents and teachers. It doesn't take long to see that they're all part of a church youth group from the south visiting New York City. I personally am fascinated by such things because I used to be part of those out-of-town Christian youth tour groups. We were set loose on the city to convert the locals, huddled in clicks accompanied by scared moms, over-grown jock dads and out of our element in the land of big buildings. This here was better than watching Survivor for me.

So we're sittin' there under The Cube and Venessa (feeling much more aggressive than I) starts addressing the "cuteness" of the underage boys in the group... loudly, using such verbs as "yummy", "cute" and "virgins" (a Nessa favorite). The adults there sensed the inappropriateness of her lust and it becomes obvious that they're unanimously concerned about the "Nessa" situation.

It was so amusing to me how out-of-town they all appeared. So loud and gawking, pointing at tall buildings and the homeless, full of fear, prejudices and Jesus Christ. Then The Cube started moving. Before it even got an inch Venessa and her mohawk screamed out "I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD MOVE THE FUCKING CUBE WHILE THERE ARE PEOPLE UNDER IT!" Literally screamed, and I think she may have included the words "stupid mother fucking tourists" in there as well.

The reactions from the vacationing southerners were priceless! The girls jaws dropped, the boys eyes bulged while some of them smiled in amazement and the adults faces looked as if the Twin Towers were crashing right before their very eyes. You could see the philosophy "You don't yell at adults" written on all of their faces. The moment was riveting.

Venessa stayed on the subject much longer than they were comfortable with addressing the obnoxiousness of tourists, her irritation for Christians, and their fashion sense... during which she spotted one of them wearing a confederate flag on a shirt with the words "IT'S A SOUTHERN THANG!" written across it.

That did it. Venessa loudly yelled to everyone "BOB, THAT GIRL IS WEARING A MOTHER FUCKING CONFEDERATE FLAG ON HER SHIRT!" The parents all foresaw a riot afoot. All 50+ of these people were totally and completely terrified of Venessa as she stood her ground pointing out each of their

Naughty Nessa, cubes are for tourists!

I think we both may have been more hyped up on the topic of Southern Christian stereotypes than usual having just watched Paradise Lost 2 the night before. This is a movie that can not be missed about the botched trials & convictions of The West Memphis 3.
It's a horrific reminder that the witch hunt mentality is alive and well in southern America. Rent it immediately!

So with an attitude set ablaze by the West Memphis 3 scandal, my encouraging laughter, her hatred for tourists, oh and the fact that Third Rock's Joseph Gordon-Levitt's face was buried in her tits just moments before, Venessa went on a tirade unlike anything I'd ever seen before.

So after meeting Joseph he invited Venessa and I to the premiere of his new movie Manic and to the after-party. We both loved the movie but Nessa loved the party afterwards much more as you can see here. Congratulate Venessa directly.

This was no longer The Cube, it was Our Cube. These were no longer tourists, these were racist, gay-bashing, bible-beating out-of-towners. And I was no longer Bob... no wait, I was still just "Bob". And Venessa was the Devil himself willingly trapped in the body of this cute busty punker girl, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Then two policemen strolled over. The adults had told on us and now New York's finest had the castrated task of telling Venessa and I that we weren't allowed to sit at The Cube... because sitting at The Cube was against the law... or something. They were a pitiful sight as the two of them formed a blockade between us and the Christian youth group. So we stood up... and the police left realizing that they'd only told us not to SIT there.

All of the kids were quickly sent off into every direction while only two of the parents stayed behind because this was their landmark meeting place at the end of the day. They were in a tight spot I must admit. Sensing that there still might be trouble at The Cube the two police officers strolled back and started chatting with the two chaperones. So from several feet away, behind the backs of the cops Venessa started fucking with the two tattletales. Stroking her breasts, licking her lips and lots of tongue, Venessa began avenging the molestation of St. Marks by these people. The two victims of her offensive behavior would then gesture towards Venessa to the cops, the cops would turn to look and she would be smiling cutely the way only Venessa can. It was physical comedy at its best.

Eventually they retreated into Starbucks watching New York safely from behind glass and none of the rest of them were ever seen again.

The cops hassled us a few more times that evening for returning to Our Cube. During one last heated debate with the fuzz Venessa got them to admit that if we were spinning The Cube we could stay there... as long as we were spinning it!

The cops said "You can spin it if you want but then you have to leave." Nessa retorted as we walked away, "I don't wanna spin The Cube. That's for fucking tourists."

I sent you a letter about a year ago. Probably something to be added to your "hate mail" page. I fail to see that you've responded in anyway. However, those that you have responded to on your site are usually responses to e-mails that lack correct grammar or spelling. I just think it's a bit crude that you will respond to someone with a lack of an education, rather than address those who sound like they have half a mind. I've found that most of your replies consist of making fun of one's inability to write fluently, or elegantly.

As I read your hate mail, I noticed that you fail to consider the feelings of others. Then again, your site doesn't do this justice either. But your site is up strictly to hurt others. I can't possibly see any other reason. To resort to such bullying at such an age is appalling. I don't wish to attack you in any way, that's not my goal by any means. I simply ask that you post the e-mails of those whom you can't pick on simply because of their writing skills.

Pappy615@aol.com

Listen Pappy, fact is I don't have a good argument for why I believe what I do. I've found that attacking peoples grammatical errors is a slick way for me to dodge the issue. Children don't care about my reasons anyhow, and it's the children I'm trying to lure away from God. That's all. No foul.

The reason that I didn't respond to your first letter was because it poked a lot of holes in my belief system and I would have really come across looking like a fraud if I'd posted it.

Come to think of it, this second email from you doesn't exactly paint me to be Prince Charming either.

Oh, and the third sentence in this email you sent stated "I fail to see that you've responded in anyway."
I don't think that you worded that properly. What I believe you meant to say was "I fail to see why you haven't responded in any way."
It's a strange sentence. Maybe I'm misinterpreting it, but in any case; What a moronic needle-dick you are! Go back to middle school and take a course called "Sentence Writing for Idiots" you dumb ass!

Bob

I hope you realize that I wrote to you in a friendly manner, simlply voicing a concern. I had some respect for you and the way you were presenting yourself until you lashed out and said "...what a moronic needle-dick you are! Go back to middle school and take a course called 'Sentence Writing for Idiots' you dumb ass!" If you must know, "I fail to see that you've responded in anyway," makes perfect sense. If you wish, ask any english major/teacher that you may know. If you need it "translated" for you, I basically said that I've seen no response in mail, or on your site. I don't see it. Period.

Also, you say that you didn't respond to my first e-mail because it "...poked a lot of holes...'" in your belief system. (by 'poked holes' I don't know what it is you mean) It turns out that I sent you that e-mail under a different address as "annonymous", therefore, it was impossible for you to possibly know what it was I was talking about. I never tried to make you out to be a particularly bad person in my e-mails, and if I did, I'm truely sorry. I try not to lean to a protagonist or antagonist view of people.

All I ask for is that you address the e-mails sent to you on your site, just as fairly as any other letter that you've posted. It's for the world to see, that's why they're sent to you. Rather than hiding behind your English skills, address the situations at hand. People aren't going to write to you if they simply want to be lectured about how well they write.

I really do appreciate your time in replying to my messages. I also have much repsect for you as an artist. (I took a look at your portfolio yesterday, and it is impressive) I suppose that for what your site is, it is fairly well designed. Do I necessarily agree with it? I'll have to be honest and say no. But don't sacrifice my respect for you because of some comment regarding my "needle-dick". Which, by the way, doesn't exist. I'm a young woman. ("Pappy" throws many people off, so I won't think much of it)

-KP
Pappy615@aol.com

Hey Pappy,

Yeah, I wasn't 100% positive about that sentence. I thought it could have been worded better though. I suppose that I'll let it slide this time. And about the anonymous letter you sent a while back. What happened was when I read your second letter I recognized the writing style. That's how I knew it was from you. Yup. I'm smarter than you thought, huh?

You said "simlply" in the first line of your last email. I think that you meant "simply"! AND you misspelled "anonymous"! What a horrible speller you are! Oh how I am laughing at you right now you retard! And so forth...

My apologies about referring to you as a "needle dick". You're a young woman? Very interesting indeed! And you were impressed with my art? Sorry about the "retard" remark. I have to tell you that I am available if you happen to be traveling through the New York area any time soon. I'd be happy to address any issues you might have with my site over dinner... and candle light.

Looking forward to your next email,
Bob

When writing in a rush... typing isn't something that I'm taking much care to. Lighten up. You don't have to say something rude each time you respond to an e-mail. It's not exactly the most flattering thing.

Pappy615@aol.com

Oh yeah, after all the e-mails that you must receive, I tend to doubt that you would recognize my style of writing from over a year's time-span. Not to mention, the context in which I sent my first letter is considerably different from my writing habits as of now.

Pappy615@aol.com

Oh, I assure you that I recognized that letter from what you wrote me last year. It was the email that made all of the poignant, irrefutable pro Christian observations right? It's the one that exposed me as a fake so I "accidentally" lost it behind my desk. Trust me, I remember that one clearly... no way am I ever going to post that one!

As for using the excuse that you've been rushing your emails and that's why you forgot how to spell a simple word like "simply", were you also rushing when you decided to worship God? Because boy, you really fucked that one up too... ya dummy.

So much for having respect for yourself, or anything else for that matter. You're unbelievable. Don't feed me a bunch of bull shit about not posting my e-mail because it exposes you as a fraud. It just so happens that my e-mail IS on your site. Who's really the dummy here? You can think I'm ignorant for believing there's a God, (which I never stated) but that obviously doesn't mean that you're not ignorant for not considering the possibility of a greater being. Don't assume that I worship anything unless I've told you so. Rushing to conclusions isn't going to do much for you, is it?

Pappy615@aol.com

No, I guess not.
:(

Subject: an English major's opinion on Pappy

Hi Bob,

here, as I AM an English major and can tell you that Pappy's "I fail to see that you've responded in anyway" is a crap sentence. First of all, "any way" should be two words when used in such a manner. The only time that "any way" should be used as one word is when the writer is using a casual, conversational tone and is using "anyway" in lieu of "in any case," such as "I didn't want to go to that bar anyway." I would be willing to bet that Pappy also believes "every day" and "a lot" are each one word, not two.

Additionally, Pappy may feel that her "I fail to see that you've responded" sentence points to a sophisticated writing style; however this is not the case. Stating that she has failed to see your response does not indicate that you did not respond; it only indicates that she has not seen your response. She is attempting to write in a very haughty manner yet only makes herself look foolish, as any English major knows not to use more words than necessary. Pappy should have simply stated "You have not yet responded to my email," which would have made her point much more clear.

Also, Pappy should have capitalized "English", as any English major can tell her.

Bob, your site is genius. I'd be honored to provide my services should the need for an English major arise again. Sometimes when I'm bored, I set the school computers at this Oklahoma university which I'm attending (yes, the buckle of the bible belt) to use jesusdressup.com as their home page.

Regards,
Jill