Bob Smith. Well, well, well...
"NORMAL" Bob Smith,
eh? I don't think so.
It all _looks_
sooooooooooo normal, sure. Just an average guy with his average
website baiting an average population of conservative Christian
bible thumpers. It all looks so innocent, I'm sure. Put on
a couple of horns, paint your face red, a couple of thousand
flame wars messing with the heads of Jehovah's Witnesses and
such, and it all looks very normal - to the average putz.
Normal Bob Smith, all-American boy, mom and apple pie, I'm
It's too perfect.
I'M ON TO YOU,
BOB!!! There is something *FISHY* about this site! There is
something off, something not quite right, something...shall
we say... wrong. Something's fishy in Denmark and I'm gonna
find out what it is! I am going WATCH THIS SITE LIKE A HAWK,
know that Bob! You're only human, you've got to fuck up sooner
or later and when you do, I'LL BE THERE!
(This last part
is kind of a visual thing. Unfortunately, it doesn't translate
directly to E-mail that well, so you're going to have to kind
of read it and imagine it in your head. Sorry 'bout that.)
(Um, normally I'd
do this in person but you're in New York and I'm on the other
side of the continent and everything and I'm a little short
this month so I can't really cough up the plane fare and what
with the war going on and them strip searching passengers
who talk randomly to imaginary friends.... well, you understand
I don't know what you're talking about. You've got the wrong guy,
in fact maybe you're delusional! That's my guess.
you're talking about these pictures here, it certainly isn't what
it looks like. A friend of mine brought over her 6 year old cousin
so that we could all go to the museum together then go out for pizza.
was a small scuffle and there may have been a point when things
got a little out of hand, but I assure you at no point was her life
to the Guggenheim was a delight and the pizza afterwards was delicious.
We all had fun and none of us were seriously injured in any way...
that wasn't later sorted out with the authorities.
keep that hand gun of truth pointed where ever you please because
I've got nothing to hide... and there weren't any witnesses anyway
so it may as well have never even happened. Go ahead and ask her.
She'll confirm my story completely. You can't trust a 6 year old
anyhow. Her word against mine.
you for your email.
you honestly feel that when you are 70 or whatever you
will look back and think that offending so many people,
was a good use of your time
I have heard your
reasoning behind your email, and i respect your opinion and
I can see how it makes sense. But i still do not believe that
you are doing the right thing with your life, do you honestly
feel that when you are 70 or whatever you will look back and
think that offending so many people, was a good use of your
time, if your answer is yes to your question then i think
anyone reading this will realize right there, that there is
something wrong with you, without the lord you nor i, nor
any of your friends (assuming that someone as low as you can
have them) would be here. God has made us each unique and
I guess you have chosen to hate him with all you have, but
all you have CAME from him. I cant get over how stupid you
are, and i hope that when you wake up one day with crap up
to your knees and fire burning everywhere because you so happened
to have gone to hell, that you are happy with the way you
had thrown your life away, i guess the only way i can end
this emai! l is by saying I am praying for you and all your
pathetic supporters, and all tho i can not find it in my heart
to forgive ANY of the things you have said i know that my
saviour will come up with a way to forgive you because he
is almighty and he can find good in someone even as bad as
to your question about when I turn 70 if I will look
back and be proud that I offended so many people is
yes. Except what I'm doing is more than simply offending.
Here, let me explain...
Sarah, a land where everybody worships a shiny golden
statue that's mounted on a podium in the middle of a
cul de sac at the end of your block. I'm picturing that
little golden idol from Raider's of the Lost Ark (see
attached). You know the one.
Everybody in your
neighborhood lives in fear of this statue and everyday all
of the people in your neighborhood gather around it and praise
it for letting them live another day.
Now lets cut to
Sarah Logan; a mild mannered woman who glances out of her
window in the night hours at the lifeless statue that rules
her block, knowing that it has no powers of any kind. All
of your neighbors regularly beg you to give in and bow down
to the statue but you cannot. It is beyond your capability
as a human being to do any such thing.
Now lets flash
forward several years, you are still living in the same neighborhood
and that golden statue hasn't budged either. You are still
privy to your neighbors who seem to be wasting their lives
away as they gather around the statue every single day as
they always have. You've seen their minds become more broken
and twisted over the years as they try to please this inanimate
statue by showering it with roses, wine and fresh bread.
Then one day you
see outside your window in front of the golden statue an entire
family. The father and the mother point at the statue as they
explain to their children. You raise the window glass to hear
what they are saying. You listen as they tell their children
that they must worship the golden statue and they must always
obey and praise the statue. Then you hear them tell their
children that on Sundays they must kiss the statue on the
Just as the mother
finishes saying the word "lips" you lose it. You leap out
of your second story window, plummet to the ground and run
towards the statue, arms extended forward. You smack the statue
off its pedestal with the back of your hand and kick it with
your foot down the street.
The parents scream
out in terror as they dive for their children, covering them
with their bodies to shelter them from the sky that's about
to fall.... but it never does.
Then you scream
out, "You see? You see? The sky did not fall! This statue
does not rule your lives! Run from this neighborhood children!
Run with all of your might because there is still hope for
While you scream
both of the parents are scrambling about trying to retrieve
the statue but instead kick it about clumsily. Every time
that they almost get it they kick it again, occasionally clonking
their heads together during the struggle. The statue bobbles
about the street lifeless and meaningless as you knew it would.
Now Sarah, finally
we flash forward to your 70th birthday and you've no regrets
about what you did that day in a little make-believe cul de
sac. A cul de sac where that statue still stands and people
still gather to praise it... but at least you tried.
Now do you see
where I'm coming from?