the calculations are in! Over the last two and a half years
(almost to the day) I have accumulated 1,281 separate disgruntled
emails, BUT a number that I found even more startling
was out of that 1,281 I had replied to 544! Almost
half! I'm not sure if I should be disturbed or proud or both,
but there ya go.
found it somewhat disturbing that out of all the girls who
have ever contacted me with their love, the percentage who
live in a state other than the one I am in has been approximately
100% (give or take zero). Thus I won't be gloating too much...
but this site still makes me proud! It is still my guilty
pleasure to read back over past hate mail pages and snicker
at my own clever naughtiness. I'm still fascinated by their
emails, and when a single letter multiplies into an entire
file those are when I enjoy myself the most.
knew that I'd eventually reach 100. As long as I had a means
to post stuff on the Internet I knew that I was never going
to grow tired with this form of expressing myself... and I
was positive that the believers wouldn't tire.
the right I've collected several passages from past hate mail
pages that stood out to me and the readers. Below are letters
that I feel somehow commemorate this special day in some way
or another. Enjoy!
as always, their emails will be in blue
while mine are in black
Scriptures from the
I picture you skipping around your home, waving your arms in the
air, shouting "BLASPHEME! BLASPHEME!" ...and that makes me giggle.
If we still live in a society that fears my Jesus Dress Up web
page then we might as well be running from our shadows, bowing
down to an eclipsed sun and smashing cameras for stealing our
Lastly, you asked, do I love Christ? This is a tricky question
that deserves the appropriate attention. I asked it to myself,
aloud, in hopes of getting the true, immediate, gut reaction.
I came up with what I believe, not only to be as honest an answer
as humanly possible but also a tiny glimpse into the heart and
mind of Normal Bob Smith. Answer: No.
You seem to have forgotten that it is your road that is completely
unmarked. Yours is entirely based on faith. No road signs, no
evidence, no logic. The gods are invisible and silent and everyone
on this path is praying that it leads to "Super, Fun, Happy Land".
Tell me James, how does it get any more blind than that?
Oh yes, that scares me very much [being struck by lightning].
I am also afraid of having my soul stolen by cameras, being abducted
by aliens and eaten by the Loch Ness Monster. Thank you for your
It's so easy to forget about those mega fantastic super beings
doing battle in some unimaginable dimension while I sit here thinkin'
up the next goofy outfit for Christ.
If getting a group of people together to yell at the ceiling makes
you feel like you're making a difference, I have no problem with
that. If there's some mascot that you need to worship to get you
through a day, do it.
Do you even know what a bigot is? If I were intolerant I wouldn't
be tolerating you now.
Any supreme being couldn't care less if He were loved by mortals.
Unless He's a lonely supreme being : (
Your beliefs require you to be meek and compliant. Pride and self
confidence are discouraged by God. It's all part of the deal when
you choose to live your life worshipping another.
As you transmit your thoughts into the fourth dimension where
the one who is your lord resides, I am reminded of the beautiful
simplicity that the human brain is. The way that it can remedy
issues of guilt, stress, loneliness and/or helplessness is spectacular.
Of course I've defeated Him. That's His Son there on the cross
in case you didn't know. I made that! By my count that's Bob -
1 & Jesus - 0
I know, I know, you pray to Him and He's going to give you everlasting
life in paradise. I promise that my little web page won't cut
into the gifts you've got comin'.
This "forgiving EVERY sin" angle really opens up the floodgates
The main reason that I hate God is because He makes us all go
through so much pain and suffering. I'm not just talkin' about
volcanos, starvation and printing press mishaps, I'm also talkin'
about things like loneliness, deadly diseases, and not answering
all of the prayers I pray by the deadlines I set.
Oh my god! Make fun of myself?!? If I did that then I'd feel like
all those people I've ruined the lives of with my Jesus Dress
Up! What a horrible idea!
I suppose that the fuel for my fire would be the repeated attempts
people make to suck me back into that world of madness you are
You've convinced yourself that this magical neverland floats above
your head. Your faith is unwavering despite the proof against
it, the childish emotional issues of your god and the monkeys
who wrote His book for Him. I am thrilled that you've found your
salvation but there's nothing you can do to stop me from laughing
at your ignorance.
Bob! It's me Venessa! I've decided to make history here by
being the first fan turned friend to send you fan mail. It's
hard to believe that I am one of the few people who has had
the privilege of becoming friends with the awesome creator
of Jesus Dress Up and the mastermind behind NormalBobSmith.com.
remember corresponding with you through e-mail and thinking
"Boy, this guy is really smart and his artwork is amazing!
It fucking sucks that he lives all the way in Chicago."
for me you decided to move to the greatest city in
the world. Now my days are filled with good movie watching,
intelligent conversation, lots of coffee drinking, and my
new favorite pastime; walking around the city with my pal
Satan and seeing all the looks we get from the natives.
meeting and getting to know you, you went from being a brilliant
and intimidating web designer to a clever, lovable and down
to earth human being.
helped me with problems in my personal life as well as having
an impact on my photography. I take great pleasure in knowing
that everyone who visits your site sees your pirdy red face
thanks to me!
for being a good friend and having a kick ass web site! Happy
100th page of hate mail Bob!!
now I want to tell everyone the story behind this picture!
night in celebration of the 100th page of hate mail Bob and
I went out for tea.
As we sat down at our table a guy who was sitting alone across
from us said "Man, you're really
scary. When I saw you walk in here you put the fear of God
was very polite and he glanced over every so often, until
Bob to ask him to take our picture. He obliged us but
was a very bad picture taker... as you can see here:
the third attempt however he managed to take a acceptable
shot and we let him be.
we sat there sipping our drinks he asked
"So, what are you guys up to tonight?"
had earlier suggested that we tell people "we're
on a blind date"... and that's what I expected
him to say, until he reached for a Jesus Dress Up flyer and
said "Oh, just promoting my
guy even looked like Jesus! He initially was happy to receive
glanced it over while his eyes grew wider. He stared at the
flyer for a good two minutes, even checking the back to see
if it was true. The entire time I whispered "Bob,
Bob, look at him, I think he's upset. Look at him, I think
just watched. He seemed kind of emotionless.
mans' breathing grew heavy and he began putting his fingers
through his hair and brushing his hand over his face. I couldn't
look at him. Every time I looked over at him he was more worked
up than when I had last checked.
was wondering what could Bob possibly say to this noticeably
troubled Christian. I couldn't think of anything anyone could
say that'd be appropriate.
with his red face and devil horns, Bob leaned over and said
empathetically "Are you concerned?"
well I'm an atheist." Bob said.
explain it." the
then Bob said, "Would you like
me to take that off your hands?"
I think you should. I'd just throw it in the trash anyway."
took back his little drawing and when he turned around I couldn't
get over the image of Bob, dressed as Satan, with his dark
eyes and horns coming out his head, comforting this man by
saying "Are you concerned?"
never seen such a sweet Satan. That's when I couldn't hold
back my laughter any longer.
that, the man got up, went to the straw and sugar counter
and stood there breathing heavily, putting his hands on his
waste puffing out his chest like a rooster trying to catch
looked as though he'd seen the devil himself... having tea...
with a friend.
gets it right: "you're sick". Thank you Natalie. You've
no idea how often I get "your sick" or "ur
sick". Ak! What a headache those give me! It's such a
breath of fresh air when someone actually takes the time to
use proper grammar.
Now if only you'd
capitalized the "Y" and ended with some sort of punctuation
you stupid bitch.
you want proof, check out the video of a man in Nigeria
that was raised from the dead December of 2001
Evil is most powerful
when it pretends to be good. I think Satan has tricked you
because he has gotten you to believe that the spiritual realm
is all a joke. I know you are really down on people who don't
exist and who lie to you about reality, so I thought I might
clue you in on that. The best way he administers his master
plan to to blind people to the truth, by making the truth
look ridiculous, false, sort of like you do on your site.
Hate to be the
one to fill you in on the fact that maybe you're the one deceived.
If you want proof,
check out the video of a man in Nigeria that was raised from
the dead December of 2001. It is available thru Reinhard Bonnke.
I think the people
who have written you in what you label as "hate mail" have
been incredibly good hearted in the face of your blatant ridicule.
So maybe you ought to rename it love mail. God loves you,
and Jesus loves you. My prayer is that you will allow yourself
to feel His love. It is more real than the next breath you
When the Jesus
you ridicule was hanging on the cross, real drops of blood
were falling into real dirt.
Are you going to
allow Satan to be successful in deceiving you that Christianity
is all a ridiculous story?
I'm actually surprised
it's taken so long for somebody to come forth with this news
regarding Satan's powers of deception. I am all too familiar
with this argument being used to smooth over the Bible's ridiculousness.
It's not a new concept and many religions use this explanation
It's this last
resort that, if you finally give into, lets you go on for
the rest of your life completely free of reality. Tuesday
no longer has to follow Monday, planet earth may actually
still be flat, even the hand in front of your face doesn't
necessarily exist... really. Therefore, the sky may fall,
no one can be trusted and the only reality you can be sure
of is a book called the Bible.
These were my feelings
right up until I saw the video of Daniel Ekechukwu being raised
from the dead by Reinhard Bonnke. I couldn't believe my eyes,
but there it was caught on tape! Satan may have the power
to alter the appearance of our galaxies, fabricate the science
of evolution or contrive solid evidence that proves earth
has sustained life for billions of years, but video does
Thank you for recommending
that Brenda. Finally we've found a forum of proof that Satan
can't tamper with. Now I realize that all of these letters
which I've categorized under "hate" are actually well reasoned,
thought out pleas of love from people who've seen actual proof.
My first prayer is going to include a thanks to God for finding
a way to sneak clues past Satan.
I'm also going
to thank God for selecting an evangelist like Reinhard Bonnke
who coincidentally already has his own on-line
store to sell videos off of, 8 other videos for purchase
(each one reasonably priced at $20), and an on-line shopping
cart service to make buying his merchandise a pleasure!
Finally we know
who the Chosen One is, and he's got a line of products to
sell. Thanks God.
is some interesting reading on Reinhard Bonnke and his "miracle".
very encouraged that Jesus is still very much on your
mind. That shows some of the true power of the Holy Spirit
I was doing a web
search of my name, to see where it might be listed and why,
and I came across our
old email tete-a-tete. I'm very encouraged that
Jesus is still very much on your mind. That shows some of
the true power of the Holy Spirit. People have web sites about
many things, but it takes a special nudge for someone to maintain
a site in which Jesus is the focus. I applaud you, and will
continue to pray that you maintain this site about Jesus,
and even that you eventually begin to understand the power
of things unseen. As you have come to know (but not yet admit),
Jesus is Lord, and the son of our Creator desires your Love,
but will never force the issue.
Your humble "prayer-warrior-for-bob-smith"
Lance "koolbass" Martin
Hello again Lance,
It's been over
a year and I have to admit, I've been doing a lot of talk
about God/Christ. I probably won't post this particular letter,
but I just can't shake the idea that this could all actually
be some spirit working through me or something. A holy spirit
maybe? It's confusing. I have trouble admitting that He is
really God, but I also know that a lot of what I say doesn't
make any sense anymore.
I suppose that
you've been reading my site and have seen that I've been wavering
Thanks for the
21 Jan 2002
giving His life on the cross, condemned to die, the people
having no charges against Him.
This page is sad.
God gave his Son that we might have everlasting life. Jesus
giving His life on the cross, condemned to die, the people
having no charges against Him. Yet He loved you and I to give
As I came across
this page I was saddened because of the things that you portray
here. Obviously you've never came to know the Lord as your
personal Savior. Salvation is free, purchased and paid for
by the Blood of the Lamb of God, JESUS. Consider asking the
Lord Jesus Christ into your life. He's our hope of a better
tomorrow throughout eternity.
never came to know the Lord as your personal Savior. Salvation
is free, purchased and paid for by the Blood of the Lamb of
God, JESUS. Consider asking the Lord Jesus Christ into your
life. He's our hope of a better tomorrow throughout eternity.
Larry Joe Goad
No charges against
Larry, I have a
good source that told me that Jesus did in fact have legitimate
charges brought against Him. He told me that Jesus had beliefs
that broke the laws at that particular time and place. I also
heard that Jesus may have dealt drugs to kids AND possibly
was involved in an organized crime/extortion ring.
Then I heard from
another source (not quite as reliable) that Jesus was one
of the original founders of NAMBLA! He was a pick pocket and
curiously rumored to have dabbled in Auto-erotic strangulation.
Keep in mind that
all accounts of Jesus' life were told by His Father. I'm sure
that He was more than just a little biased. I mean Christ!
He's runnin' for "God"... and having a delinquent Son could
have easily won Satan the election!
be praying feverently for you and your, "ideas".
I found your site
accidentally and Im taken aghast at what you have on it. The
Lord is nothing to be made fun of. I think that your so called,
"Dress Up Jesus", game is cruel. It's just like taking the
Lord's name in vain, and that is a Sin. I'll be praying feverently
for you and your, "ideas".
people wrote in and voted for this response that appeared on page
"This image sums up the smug attitude of many of your "contributors",
and I really like the little cartoons that you have been adding to
the hate mail pages recently."
there must be some truth to who Christ is for you to seek
to have him humiliated by the world...
Why don't you do
one for Muhammad or Buddha or some other religious figure?
Obviously there must be some truth to who Christ is for you
to seek to have him humiliated by the world, yet wasn't that
what he experienced on the cross any way.
If you do not wish
to receive email from me, please hit reply and type "remove"
in the subject heading.
out their grammar mistakes implies that you have nothing
better to defend yourself with.
By the way- trying
to lessen other peoplešs arguments by pointing out their grammar
mistakes implies that you have nothing better to defend yourself
I have nothing
to defend myself with. It's all B.S.