S
o the calculations are in! Over the last two and a half years (almost to the day) I have accumulated 1,281 separate disgruntled emails, BUT a number that I found even more startling was out of that 1,281 I had replied to 544! Almost half! I'm not sure if I should be disturbed or proud or both, but there ya go.

I've found it somewhat disturbing that out of all the girls who have ever contacted me with their love, the percentage who live in a state other than the one I am in has been approximately 100% (give or take zero). Thus I won't be gloating too much... but this site still makes me proud! It is still my guilty pleasure to read back over past hate mail pages and snicker at my own clever naughtiness. I'm still fascinated by their emails, and when a single letter multiplies into an entire file those are when I enjoy myself the most.

I knew that I'd eventually reach 100. As long as I had a means to post stuff on the Internet I knew that I was never going to grow tired with this form of expressing myself... and I was positive that the believers wouldn't tire.

To the right I've collected several passages from past hate mail pages that stood out to me and the readers. Below are letters that I feel somehow commemorate this special day in some way or another. Enjoy!


 

And as always, their emails will be in blue while mine are in black and white.

Selected Scriptures from the

Page 1, E3:P1
I picture you skipping around your home, waving your arms in the air, shouting "BLASPHEME! BLASPHEME!" ...and that makes me giggle.

Page 5, E1:P5
If we still live in a society that fears my Jesus Dress Up web page then we might as well be running from our shadows, bowing down to an eclipsed sun and smashing cameras for stealing our souls.

Page 7, E1:P5
Lastly, you asked, do I love Christ? This is a tricky question that deserves the appropriate attention. I asked it to myself, aloud, in hopes of getting the true, immediate, gut reaction. I came up with what I believe, not only to be as honest an answer as humanly possible but also a tiny glimpse into the heart and mind of Normal Bob Smith. Answer: No.

Page 10, E2:P2
You seem to have forgotten that it is your road that is completely unmarked. Yours is entirely based on faith. No road signs, no evidence, no logic. The gods are invisible and silent and everyone on this path is praying that it leads to "Super, Fun, Happy Land". Tell me James, how does it get any more blind than that?

Page 16, E10:P1
Oh yes, that scares me very much [being struck by lightning]. I am also afraid of having my soul stolen by cameras, being abducted by aliens and eaten by the Loch Ness Monster. Thank you for your silly email.

Page 18, E3:P1
It's so easy to forget about those mega fantastic super beings doing battle in some unimaginable dimension while I sit here thinkin' up the next goofy outfit for Christ.


Page 29, E2:P2
If getting a group of people together to yell at the ceiling makes you feel like you're making a difference, I have no problem with that. If there's some mascot that you need to worship to get you through a day, do it.

Page 34, E2:P1
Do you even know what a bigot is? If I were intolerant I wouldn't be tolerating you now.

Page 41, E5:P12
Any supreme being couldn't care less if He were loved by mortals. Unless He's a lonely supreme being : (

Page 44, E3:P2
Your beliefs require you to be meek and compliant. Pride and self confidence are discouraged by God. It's all part of the deal when you choose to live your life worshipping another.

Page 47, E1:P1
As you transmit your thoughts into the fourth dimension where the one who is your lord resides, I am reminded of the beautiful simplicity that the human brain is. The way that it can remedy issues of guilt, stress, loneliness and/or helplessness is spectacular.

Page 55, E1:P1
Of course I've defeated Him. That's His Son there on the cross in case you didn't know. I made that! By my count that's Bob - 1 & Jesus - 0

Page 57, E2:P2
I know, I know, you pray to Him and He's going to give you everlasting life in paradise. I promise that my little web page won't cut into the gifts you've got comin'.

Page 62, E4:P3
This "forgiving EVERY sin" angle really opens up the floodgates for me.

Page 80, E1:P1
The main reason that I hate God is because He makes us all go through so much pain and suffering. I'm not just talkin' about volcanos, starvation and printing press mishaps, I'm also talkin' about things like loneliness, deadly diseases, and not answering all of the prayers I pray by the deadlines I set.

Page 83, E3:P1
Oh my god! Make fun of myself?!? If I did that then I'd feel like all those people I've ruined the lives of with my Jesus Dress Up! What a horrible idea!

Page 99, E4:P1-2
I suppose that the fuel for my fire would be the repeated attempts people make to suck me back into that world of madness you are in.
You've convinced yourself that this magical neverland floats above your head. Your faith is unwavering despite the proof against it, the childish emotional issues of your god and the monkeys who wrote His book for Him. I am thrilled that you've found your salvation but there's nothing you can do to stop me from laughing at your ignorance.

Hey Bob! It's me Venessa! I've decided to make history here by being the first fan turned friend to send you fan mail. It's hard to believe that I am one of the few people who has had the privilege of becoming friends with the awesome creator of Jesus Dress Up and the mastermind behind NormalBobSmith.com.

I remember corresponding with you through e-mail and thinking "Boy, this guy is really smart and his artwork is amazing! It fucking sucks that he lives all the way in Chicago."

Lucky for me you decided to move to the greatest city in the world. Now my days are filled with good movie watching, intelligent conversation, lots of coffee drinking, and my new favorite pastime; walking around the city with my pal Satan and seeing all the looks we get from the natives.

After meeting and getting to know you, you went from being a brilliant and intimidating web designer to a clever, lovable and down to earth human being.

You've helped me with problems in my personal life as well as having an impact on my photography. I take great pleasure in knowing that everyone who visits your site sees your pirdy red face thanks to me!

Thanks for being a good friend and having a kick ass web site! Happy 100th page of hate mail Bob!!


A
nd now I want to tell everyone the story behind this picture!

Last night in celebration of the 100th page of hate mail Bob and I went out for tea.

As we sat down at our table a guy who was sitting alone across from us said "Man, you're really scary. When I saw you walk in here you put the fear of God in me."

He was very polite and he glanced over every so often, until I
convinced Bob to ask him to take our picture. He obliged us but was a very bad picture taker... as you can see here:


Taken by Christian Photographer

After the third attempt however he managed to take a acceptable shot and we let him be.

While we sat there sipping our drinks he asked "So, what are you guys up to tonight?"

Bob had earlier suggested that we tell people "we're on a blind date"... and that's what I expected him to say, until he reached for a Jesus Dress Up flyer and said "Oh, just promoting my web site."

The guy even looked like Jesus! He initially was happy to receive it.


He glanced it over while his eyes grew wider. He stared at the flyer for a good two minutes, even checking the back to see if it was true. The entire time I whispered "Bob, Bob, look at him, I think he's upset. Look at him, I think he's shaking".

Bob just watched. He seemed kind of emotionless.

The mans' breathing grew heavy and he began putting his fingers through his hair and brushing his hand over his face. I couldn't look at him. Every time I looked over at him he was more worked up than when I had last checked.

I was wondering what could Bob possibly say to this noticeably troubled Christian. I couldn't think of anything anyone could say that'd be appropriate.

Finally with his red face and devil horns, Bob leaned over and said empathetically "Are you concerned?"

"Yes, very concerned." He stated.

"Yeah, well I'm an atheist." Bob said.

"That'd explain it." the man huffed.

And then Bob said, "Would you like me to take that off your hands?"

"Yeah, I think you should. I'd just throw it in the trash anyway."

Bob took back his little drawing and when he turned around I couldn't get over the image of Bob, dressed as Satan, with his dark eyes and horns coming out his head, comforting this man by saying "Are you concerned?"

I've never seen such a sweet Satan. That's when I couldn't hold back my laughter any longer.

After that, the man got up, went to the straw and sugar counter and stood there breathing heavily, putting his hands on his waste puffing out his chest like a rooster trying to catch his breath.

He looked as though he'd seen the devil himself... having tea... with a friend.

It was hysterical.

“you're sick”

you're sick

Natalie Petrie
hoppuslover999@yahoo.com


Finally someone gets it right: "you're sick". Thank you Natalie. You've no idea how often I get "your sick" or "ur sick". Ak! What a headache those give me! It's such a breath of fresh air when someone actually takes the time to use proper grammar.

Now if only you'd capitalized the "Y" and ended with some sort of punctuation you stupid bitch.

Bob

“If you want proof, check out the video of a man in Nigeria that was raised from the dead December of 2001”

Evil is most powerful when it pretends to be good. I think Satan has tricked you because he has gotten you to believe that the spiritual realm is all a joke. I know you are really down on people who don't exist and who lie to you about reality, so I thought I might clue you in on that. The best way he administers his master plan to to blind people to the truth, by making the truth look ridiculous, false, sort of like you do on your site.

Hate to be the one to fill you in on the fact that maybe you're the one deceived.

If you want proof, check out the video of a man in Nigeria that was raised from the dead December of 2001. It is available thru Reinhard Bonnke.

I think the people who have written you in what you label as "hate mail" have been incredibly good hearted in the face of your blatant ridicule. So maybe you ought to rename it love mail. God loves you, and Jesus loves you. My prayer is that you will allow yourself to feel His love. It is more real than the next breath you breathe.

When the Jesus you ridicule was hanging on the cross, real drops of blood were falling into real dirt.

Are you going to allow Satan to be successful in deceiving you that Christianity is all a ridiculous story?

Brenda Thompson
brendabjt@yahoo.com


I'm actually surprised it's taken so long for somebody to come forth with this news regarding Satan's powers of deception. I am all too familiar with this argument being used to smooth over the Bible's ridiculousness. It's not a new concept and many religions use this explanation a lot.

It's this last resort that, if you finally give into, lets you go on for the rest of your life completely free of reality. Tuesday no longer has to follow Monday, planet earth may actually still be flat, even the hand in front of your face doesn't necessarily exist... really. Therefore, the sky may fall, no one can be trusted and the only reality you can be sure of is a book called the Bible.

These were my feelings right up until I saw the video of Daniel Ekechukwu being raised from the dead by Reinhard Bonnke. I couldn't believe my eyes, but there it was caught on tape! Satan may have the power to alter the appearance of our galaxies, fabricate the science of evolution or contrive solid evidence that proves earth has sustained life for billions of years, but video does not lie.

Thank you for recommending that Brenda. Finally we've found a forum of proof that Satan can't tamper with. Now I realize that all of these letters which I've categorized under "hate" are actually well reasoned, thought out pleas of love from people who've seen actual proof. My first prayer is going to include a thanks to God for finding a way to sneak clues past Satan.

I'm also going to thank God for selecting an evangelist like Reinhard Bonnke who coincidentally already has his own on-line store to sell videos off of, 8 other videos for purchase (each one reasonably priced at $20), and an on-line shopping cart service to make buying his merchandise a pleasure!

Finally we know who the Chosen One is, and he's got a line of products to sell. Thanks God.

Here is some interesting reading on Reinhard Bonnke and his "miracle".

“I'm very encouraged that Jesus is still very much on your mind. That shows some of the true power of the Holy Spirit”

Dear Bob,

I was doing a web search of my name, to see where it might be listed and why, and I came across our old email tete-a-tete. I'm very encouraged that Jesus is still very much on your mind. That shows some of the true power of the Holy Spirit. People have web sites about many things, but it takes a special nudge for someone to maintain a site in which Jesus is the focus. I applaud you, and will continue to pray that you maintain this site about Jesus, and even that you eventually begin to understand the power of things unseen. As you have come to know (but not yet admit), Jesus is Lord, and the son of our Creator desires your Love, but will never force the issue.

Your humble "prayer-warrior-for-bob-smith"
Lance "koolbass" Martin
koolbass@home.com


Hello again Lance,

It's been over a year and I have to admit, I've been doing a lot of talk about God/Christ. I probably won't post this particular letter, but I just can't shake the idea that this could all actually be some spirit working through me or something. A holy spirit maybe? It's confusing. I have trouble admitting that He is really God, but I also know that a lot of what I say doesn't make any sense anymore.

I suppose that you've been reading my site and have seen that I've been wavering lately.

Thanks for the email.
Bob

Mon, 21 Jan 2002
“Jesus giving His life on the cross, condemned to die, the people having no charges against Him.”

This page is sad. God gave his Son that we might have everlasting life. Jesus giving His life on the cross, condemned to die, the people having no charges against Him. Yet He loved you and I to give His all.

As I came across this page I was saddened because of the things that you portray here. Obviously you've never came to know the Lord as your personal Savior. Salvation is free, purchased and paid for by the Blood of the Lamb of God, JESUS. Consider asking the Lord Jesus Christ into your life. He's our hope of a better tomorrow throughout eternity.

Obviously you've never came to know the Lord as your personal Savior. Salvation is free, purchased and paid for by the Blood of the Lamb of God, JESUS. Consider asking the Lord Jesus Christ into your life. He's our hope of a better tomorrow throughout eternity.

Larry Joe Goad
larryg@ncci.net


No charges against Him?

Larry, I have a good source that told me that Jesus did in fact have legitimate charges brought against Him. He told me that Jesus had beliefs that broke the laws at that particular time and place. I also heard that Jesus may have dealt drugs to kids AND possibly was involved in an organized crime/extortion ring.

Then I heard from another source (not quite as reliable) that Jesus was one of the original founders of NAMBLA! He was a pick pocket and curiously rumored to have dabbled in Auto-erotic strangulation.

Keep in mind that all accounts of Jesus' life were told by His Father. I'm sure that He was more than just a little biased. I mean Christ! He's runnin' for "God"... and having a delinquent Son could have easily won Satan the election!

Bob

“I'll be praying feverently for you and your, "ideas".”

I found your site accidentally and Im taken aghast at what you have on it. The Lord is nothing to be made fun of. I think that your so called, "Dress Up Jesus", game is cruel. It's just like taking the Lord's name in vain, and that is a Sin. I'll be praying feverently for you and your, "ideas".

God Bless,
Leah
leah@ht9.com


Many people wrote in and voted for this response that appeared on page 95.
"This image sums up the smug attitude of many of your "contributors", and I really like the little cartoons that you have been adding to the hate mail pages recently."

“Obviously there must be some truth to who Christ is for you to seek to have him humiliated by the world...”

Why don't you do one for Muhammad or Buddha or some other religious figure? Obviously there must be some truth to who Christ is for you to seek to have him humiliated by the world, yet wasn't that what he experienced on the cross any way.

God Bless,
Frank Mullis
Tapuout247@aol.com

If you do not wish to receive email from me, please hit reply and type "remove" in the subject heading.


“...pointing out their grammar mistakes implies that you have nothing better to defend yourself with.”

By the way- trying to lessen other peoplešs arguments by pointing out their grammar mistakes implies that you have nothing better to defend yourself with.

Peter Reinitzer
proud_canuk@hotmail.com


I have nothing to defend myself with. It's all B.S.

 

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