More fans, more stories and more advice to Christians.

Here are some more of the fan mail letters that I have received.
Hey, have you taken part in the Normal Bob Smith Hate Mail Retort Contest? If you don't know what I'm talking about, go to my most recent Hate Mail update and find out!

Send in your fan mail, include a picture, and if it's interesting enough, I'll post it.


This is a very unchristianly thing to do!!!!!!!!!!

Forever Yours,
Emilie Ponthieux

hey bob, i just wanted to know about all that hate mail you get, are you telling me that every single one you've received basically condemns you?


Does that surprise you? I mean that's what Hate Mail is, right?

yeah it just saddens me bc of people's reactions to your website, i believe in Jesus and love Jesus, but it hurts me more when people who call themselves "Christians" do not act like Jesus. Instead of helping out or trying to understand another person, they condemn him to hell and show no love, it just hurts


oh my god.....oh my i read in the national enquirer that satan has changed his evil area code number 666 to 629, and now this.... ohmygod.... ohmygod

You really are. I never give anyone a compliment or a dollar. Today, I give you both.

Jody Reale

Send your FAN MAIL with a picture and if it's interesting enough I'll post it.

Someone sent me the jesusdressup page and then I got to the rest of your site. everything's top notch. good work. Your comic book stuff looks prime time, but I didn't see any references to actual comix. Are you not published yet? Don't see why not. You've got the characters, the attitude, the intellect, and the wit -- what else is there? Oh yeah, a fucking agent. it's always something.

The javascript for the jesus dress up is clear: clean and simple, yet functional. Has anyone asked why you can't remove the undies? (jesus needs a cock ring, I think.) Did you program that yourself, or did you use dreamweaver? I still do everything by hand, or automate using perl. I hadn't considered a java inerface like that, tho.

I can't figure out what the scissors (1) and (2) are for, and the diagram that looks like you can rotate the cross. You can't drag it, and you can't click on it.

You take your hate mail really well. I'm not as good at it. Note this image: I used to have the caption read, "Hanging around the church." I got so much hate mail, I couldn't keep up with it. I can only imagine how much you're getting. I can only hope you get more praise than hate mail. (Not likely -- people seem to spend more of their time in "complaint" mode than "praise" mode.)

Dan Heller

Hanging around the church

I have not been published. I suppose that all I'd need is an agent... and a little more interest in the Neptune concept from the masses. There just isn't any money in comics anymore, and money is the only thing that could get it published.

When I first did Jesus Dress Up years ago it was simply a handout. I encouraged people to cut Jesus out, dress him and mount him anywhere. That is what the diagram is representing. I left it there because I still want people to do that (print him out and so on). I have gotten many requests to remove the undies but I still want my main page to be appropriate for all ages. I am however working on such a concept where viewers will have to click on a "I AM 21 OR OLDER" link. That seems to be the answer for everything.

It's all done in Dreamweaver. No patience nor the time to program.

I have not been published. I suppose that all I'd need is an agent... and a little more interest in the Neptune concept from the masses. There just isn't any money in comics anymore, and money is the only thing that could get it published.

Like photography, you don't to it for the money. do it cuz you love it I know, we're talking about the "publisher's" money, not yours. but, you've got good stuff, it shouldn't be left for naught. I assume you do illustration commercially for the bucks. Hand and/or computer-generated?

When I first did Jesus Dress Up years ago it was simple a handout. I encouraged people to cut Jesus out, dress him and mount him anywhere.

Yeah-- like the "David" fridge magnets... a great spoof.

I have gotten many requests to remove the undies but I still want my main page to be appropriate for all ages.

Oh, I was just kidding -- it's better that they're there. It amplifies the ridiculousness of people's horror and anger. I mean, the briefs make the whole thing so clearly tame and unoffensive and even humorous.

If you want to add the possibly-more-offensive "adult" section, provide different wardrobes: cross-dressing with "real" sexual innuendo, not just female clothing, etc. Not going "over the top" is part of the site's appeal, because it really makes the people's offenses to it that much more hilarious. Did you ever hear the joke:

Q: What's the difference between "erotic" and "pornographic."
A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Pornographic is where you use the whole

For the chidren (and the gay crowd), you could provide a wardrobe of police and firemen's outfits chicken.

Dan Heller

Dearest Bob,

I'm your biggest fan. I've read every article on your website and look forward to you posting more "hate mail" every week or so. Well, let me tell you a little about myself. I'm a 15-year-old Irish atheist. People cross the street to avoid me because I wrote "Abort Jesus" on my pencil case. I listen to Slipknot. I have all the tell-tale signs of a satan worshiper, you'll probably have spotted by now. As I type, a 60 year old virgin of a local parish priest is talking to my parents in the next room regarding the communion of my little brother, Bill (he is 8). The other day Bill was doing busy doing his homework when I noticed a bunch of sheets of paper. Curious, I took a look at them. There were prayers to Mary and some saints. There was even a "foot and mouth" prayer! Then it hit me. When I was 8 my school gave me handout sheets of prayers and other religious propaganda.

They made me say a prayer in the morning, in the evening, and before we went for lunch. We often had to go to church and there was a crucifix hung from the wall of every classroom. And this was a public school. I realized that I had been brain washed from an early age. As you know, children are extremely influential, especially younger one's. Only a tiny minority of christians are "born again". They try to force there religious beliefs on children from an early age as its much easier then forcing your religious beliefs on an adult. Most people just become catholics because its the socially acceptable thing to do. The idea behind confirmation is that the individual decides whether or not he or she wants to be a catholic. Most people making there confirmation do it as a class in school, so you'd be the odd one out if you didn't, not to mention the fact that your parents would probably pressure you into,or simply make you confirm. Which defeats the purpose.

I visit alot of websites by atheists such as ourselfs (I visit even more southern baptist websites, because they make me laugh almost as much as But yours is my favorite. Your "god ate my balls" section is pricelessly funny. The responses you give to the Jesus freaks are side-splitting. You put in context how incredibly stupid the bulk of these people are and you do it with dry wit and razor sharp satire. However, I found one problem with your worst movies of all time section. You didn't include "the specialist" staring silvester stalone (they should play that movie to hollywood directors as an example of what not to do). Now that film was truly an abomination. It is an action film,in which stalone plays a freelance explosive expert who is hired by a woman (and get this,she's a bueatiful woman who stalones character falls in love with and bones in the shower) to get back at these dirty, no good criminals who killed her parents for some reason or another. Now thats a plot-line. I know what your thinking. Your thinking "that sounds like a shit movie". But believe me its *alot* worse then that.

Anyway,I hope that you find the generousity in you to immortalise me in the"fan mail" section,
your friend

Here are some fans with some advice of their own.
So listen up.

Bob, I think your site rocks!
While dressing up Jesus is fun, it gets a little boring after ten minutes or so at a time. In my opinion, the real fun is Christian-fanatic watching. From my observations, I think the typical fanatic's thought processes resemble something like this:

* I think I'll visit, I wonder what's there...
* oh, that's Jesus there on the cross! And you can dress him up!
* I'm offended, I think I'll write to Bob: "you fag, fuck you, you're going to burn in Hell etc..."
* u-huh, that'll make a Christian out of him!
* now I can rest easy knowing what a good Christian I have been- there's a spot up there in Heaven for me...

What do you think? Accurate?
Anyhow, your site kicked ass, I also love "God Ate My Balls".
Keep up the good work,
Steve Matulewicz

ps. I think That Guy's [, hate mail 21] ill-conceived arguments, inability to communicate a (simplistic) set of ideas, and complete rape of the English language- coupled with his claim to have a 3.53 GPA- reflect poorly on students of a similar age. I weep for the future.

Dear NBS,

I have been continuing to read through your hate mail and responses (which I love), and one common theme seems to be that people feel "invaded" by your site... WHAT COULD BE MORE PASSIVE THAN A WEB PAGE?! Are these poor bumpkins in some kind of hormonal rage brought on by the use of steroids or crystal meth? Isn't it implicit in the very name of the url that a die-hard christian just MIGHT be offended by the content, and thus should not visit it lest their two functional neurons might actually fire? Don't these people have better things to do? Say... bombing abortion clinics to SAVE LIFE?!?! ARG, it makes my head hurt to even contemplate the abortive (no pun intended) logic that spawns these cretinous notions. "Life is so precious and holy that I is gonna blow away anyone who fucks with a fetus."

I am an atheist, raised by atheist parents, thus reading some of the emails you get actually scares the shit out of me. I just have not been exposed to the kind of rampant self-deluding tripe that you must rake through in your "in-box". I assume that the hatemail on this page is probably the creme de la creme of the hatemail, most probably just being hysterical rants or dull threats.

Now, I get the fact that death is terrifying and maybe for the sake of a quiet life some people need or desire religion, but why the sheer unbridled ferocity with which they fire their unweildy barbs? Are they so threatened by the "heathenous" presence that DressUpJesus represents on the web (I mean, whats a little kiddie porn and illegal gun running compared with blaspheme right? ech) that they feel the need to squeel like stuck pigs, spewing their bilious crap on the page?

The idea that some people would be so threatened and angered by an opinion is quite chilling. For a religion which preaches love and understanding, there sure are an awful lot of nasty christians out there. Still, it is somehow the page long hatemails that end in "God bless you" that really make my stomach turn. These people think god oversees everything, dictating the very terms of life and existence, and they don't even ask obvious first order questions such as: what about the rest of the giant fucking universe? I can see why such a minimal and egocentric way of life would appeal to people, but it still is a sad sight.

Anyhow, in short, I love your site, your commentary and your hair. I really get a kick out out of sending this page to everyone I can think of... especially the religious ones.

P.S. How about an official priest's theme song... I would suggest LOA's "Young Boys".
Nick in M.A.