fans, more stories and more advice to Christians.
are some more of the fan mail letters that I have received.
Hey, have you taken part in the Normal Bob Smith Hate Mail Retort
Contest? If you don't know what I'm talking about, go to my most
Mail update and find
in your fan mail, include a picture, and if it's interesting
enough, I'll post it.
This is a very
unchristianly thing to do!!!!!!!!!!
bob, i just wanted to know about all that hate mail you get,
are you telling me that every single one you've received basically
that surprise you? I mean that's what Hate Mail is, right?
it just saddens me bc of people's reactions to your website,
i believe in Jesus and love Jesus, but it hurts me more when
people who call themselves "Christians" do not act like Jesus.
Instead of helping out or trying to understand another person,
they condemn him to hell and show no love, it just hurts
oh my god.....oh
my god.......today i read in the national enquirer that satan
has changed his evil area code number 666 to 629, and now
this.... ohmygod.... ohmygod
your FAN MAIL with a picture and if it's interesting enough I'll
sent me the jesusdressup page and then I got to the rest of
your site. everything's top notch. good work. Your comic
book stuff looks prime time, but I didn't see any references
to actual comix. Are you not published yet? Don't see why
not. You've got the characters, the attitude, the intellect,
and the wit -- what else is there? Oh yeah, a fucking agent.
it's always something.
yet functional. Has anyone asked why you can't remove the
undies? (jesus needs a cock ring, I think.) Did you program
that yourself, or did you use dreamweaver? I still do everything
by hand, or automate using perl. I hadn't considered a java
inerface like that, tho.
can't figure out what the scissors (1) and (2) are for,
and the diagram that looks like you can rotate the cross.
You can't drag it, and you can't click on it.
take your hate mail really well. I'm not as good at
this image: I used to have the caption read, "Hanging
around the church." I got so much hate mail, I couldn't
keep up with it. I can only imagine how much you're
getting. I can only hope you get more praise than hate
mail. (Not likely -- people seem to spend more of their
time in "complaint" mode than "praise" mode.)
around the church
have not been published. I suppose that all I'd need is an agent...
and a little more interest in the
Neptune concept from the
masses. There just isn't any money in comics anymore, and money
is the only thing that could get it published.
I first did Jesus Dress Up years ago it was simply
a handout. I encouraged people to cut Jesus out, dress
him and mount him anywhere. That is what the diagram is representing.
I left it there because I still want people to do that (print him
out and so on). I have gotten many requests to remove the undies
but I still want my main page to be appropriate for all ages. I
am however working on such a concept where viewers will have to
click on a "I AM 21 OR OLDER" link. That seems to be the answer
all done in Dreamweaver. No patience nor the time to program.
have not been published. I suppose that all I'd need is an
agent... and a little more interest in the Neptune concept
from the masses. There just isn't any money in comics anymore,
and money is the only thing that could get it published.
photography, you don't to it for the money. do it cuz you
love it I know, we're talking about the "publisher's" money,
not yours. but, you've got good stuff, it shouldn't be left
for naught. I assume you do illustration commercially for
the bucks. Hand and/or computer-generated?
I first did Jesus Dress Up years ago it was simple a handout.
I encouraged people to cut Jesus out, dress him and mount
like the "David" fridge magnets... a great spoof.
have gotten many requests to remove the undies but I still
want my main page to be appropriate for all ages.
I was just kidding -- it's better that they're there. It amplifies
the ridiculousness of people's horror and anger. I mean, the
briefs make the whole thing so clearly tame and unoffensive
and even humorous.
you want to add the possibly-more-offensive "adult" section,
provide different wardrobes: cross-dressing with "real" sexual
innuendo, not just female clothing, etc. Not going "over the
top" is part of the site's appeal, because it really makes
the people's offenses to it that much more hilarious. Did
you ever hear the joke:
What's the difference between "erotic" and "pornographic."
A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Pornographic is where
you use the whole
the chidren (and the gay crowd), you could provide a wardrobe
of police and firemen's outfits chicken.
biggest fan. I've read every article on your website and look forward
to you posting more "hate mail" every week or so. Well, let me tell
you a little about myself. I'm a 15-year-old Irish atheist. People
cross the street to avoid me because I wrote "Abort Jesus" on my
pencil case. I listen to Slipknot. I have all the tell-tale signs
of a satan worshiper, you'll probably have spotted by now. As I
type, a 60 year old virgin of a local parish priest is talking to
my parents in the next room regarding the communion of my little
brother, Bill (he is 8). The other day Bill was doing busy doing
his homework when I noticed a bunch of sheets of paper. Curious,
I took a look at them. There were prayers to Mary and some saints.
There was even a "foot and mouth" prayer! Then it hit me. When I
was 8 my school gave me handout sheets of prayers and other religious
made me say a prayer in the morning, in the evening, and before
we went for lunch. We often had to go to church and there was a
crucifix hung from the wall of every classroom. And this was a public
school. I realized that I had been brain washed from an early age.
As you know, children are extremely influential, especially younger
one's. Only a tiny minority of christians are "born again". They
try to force there religious beliefs on children from an early age
as its much easier then forcing your religious beliefs on an adult.
Most people just become catholics because its the socially acceptable
thing to do. The idea behind confirmation is that the individual
decides whether or not he or she wants to be a catholic. Most people
making there confirmation do it as a class in school, so you'd be
the odd one out if you didn't, not to mention the fact that your
parents would probably pressure you into,or simply make you confirm.
Which defeats the purpose.
alot of websites by atheists such as ourselfs (I visit even more
southern baptist websites, because they make me laugh almost as
much as normalbobsmith.com). But yours is my favorite. Your "god
ate my balls" section is pricelessly funny. The responses you give
to the Jesus freaks are side-splitting. You put in context how incredibly
stupid the bulk of these people are and you do it with dry wit and
razor sharp satire. However, I found one problem with your worst
movies of all time section. You didn't include "the specialist"
staring silvester stalone (they should play that movie to hollywood
directors as an example of what not to do). Now that film was truly
an abomination. It is an action film,in which stalone plays a freelance
explosive expert who is hired by a woman (and get this,she's a bueatiful
woman who stalones character falls in love with and bones in the
shower) to get back at these dirty, no good criminals who killed
her parents for some reason or another. Now thats a plot-line. I
know what your thinking. Your thinking "that sounds like a shit
movie". But believe me its *alot* worse then that.
hope that you find the generousity in you to immortalise me in the"fan
are some fans with some advice of their own.
So listen up.
Bob, I think
your site rocks!
While dressing up Jesus is fun, it gets a little boring after ten
minutes or so at a time. In my opinion, the real fun is Christian-fanatic
watching. From my observations, I think the typical fanatic's thought
processes resemble something like this:
|* I think I'll
visit JesusDressUp.com, I wonder what's there...
* oh, that's Jesus there on the cross! And you can dress him
* I'm offended, I think I'll write to Bob: "you fag, fuck you,
you're going to burn in Hell etc..."
* u-huh, that'll make a Christian out of him!
* now I can rest easy knowing what a good Christian I have been-
there's a spot up there in Heaven for me...
you think? Accurate?
Anyhow, your site kicked ass, I also love "God Ate My Balls".
Keep up the good work,
ps. I think
That Guy's [firstname.lastname@example.org, hate
mail 21] ill-conceived arguments, inability to communicate a
(simplistic) set of ideas, and complete rape of the English language-
coupled with his claim to have a 3.53 GPA- reflect poorly on students
of a similar age. I weep for the future.
I have been continuing
to read through your hate mail and responses (which I love), and
one common theme seems to be that people feel "invaded" by your
site... WHAT COULD BE MORE PASSIVE THAN A WEB PAGE?! Are these poor
bumpkins in some kind of hormonal rage brought on by the use of
steroids or crystal meth? Isn't it implicit in the very name of
the url that a die-hard christian just MIGHT be offended by the
content, and thus should not visit it lest their two functional
neurons might actually fire? Don't these people have better things
to do? Say... bombing abortion clinics to SAVE LIFE?!?! ARG, it
makes my head hurt to even contemplate the abortive (no pun intended)
logic that spawns these cretinous notions. "Life is so precious
and holy that I is gonna blow away anyone who fucks with a fetus."
I am an atheist, raised
by atheist parents, thus reading some of the emails you get actually
scares the shit out of me. I just have not been exposed to the kind
of rampant self-deluding tripe that you must rake through in your
"in-box". I assume that the hatemail on this page is probably the
creme de la creme of the hatemail, most probably just being hysterical
rants or dull threats.
Now, I get the fact that
death is terrifying and maybe for the sake of a quiet life some
people need or desire religion, but why the sheer unbridled ferocity
with which they fire their unweildy barbs? Are they so threatened
by the "heathenous" presence that DressUpJesus represents on the
web (I mean, whats a little kiddie porn and illegal gun running
compared with blaspheme right? ech) that they feel the need to squeel
like stuck pigs, spewing their bilious crap on the page?
The idea that some people
would be so threatened and angered by an opinion is quite chilling.
For a religion which preaches love and understanding, there sure
are an awful lot of nasty christians out there. Still, it is somehow
the page long hatemails that end in "God bless you" that really
make my stomach turn. These people think god oversees everything,
dictating the very terms of life and existence, and they don't even
ask obvious first order questions such as: what about the rest of
the giant fucking universe? I can see why such a minimal and egocentric
way of life would appeal to people, but it still is a sad sight.
Anyhow, in short, I love
your site, your commentary and your hair. I really get a kick out
out of sending this page to everyone I can think of... especially
the religious ones.
P.S. How about an official
priest's theme song... I would suggest LOA's "Young Boys".
Nick in M.A.